Friday, January 4, 2013

Waiting On Trial

Preparations for this house concert started out a bit (a lot, actually) differently than every other house concert we've hosted.  It all started when Brian left for Nebraska on Friday morning.  And I was left with a three-year-old, an old dog, 4 out of 4 grandparents in another state, my closest neighbor friend and helper laid up from back surgery, and 60 people on the list for the house concert.  Oy.  I was in for a rough weekend on my own.  And I won't lie and tell you that I was feeling confident about the situation.

Brian and his family were on their way to Nebraska to mourn the passing and celebrate the life of his maternal grandfather, Grandpa Sharp.  As he drove away, I was still feeling conflicted about whether or not I should have been in the car with him. We had talked about it at length.  We agreed that Sadie is both too old (to be oblivious) and too young (to really understand) to take to a funeral.  We know that 20 hours over 3 days with a three year old in a car is rough (to say the least).  We didn't have anyone to leave her with in Colorado if I went with Brian to Nebraska.  We decided that it would be best for me to stay home with Sadie.

And then I thought, hey, if I'm going to be in town, I should go on with the house concert, right?  The band is coming all the way from Durango.  We booked this show over 6 months ago.  Over 60 people have RSVPed.  We love to do this.  I'll have plenty of help.  It'll be fine!  Positive thinking!

I won't get into all the variations of plans I had for Sadie.  Needless to say, by the time the house concert began, I was on Childcare Plan E or F.  And wasn't even sure how that would go.  

But I made a plan.  On Thursday night, Brian and I did all our house concert preparation "stuff", which is usually done on Friday night and Saturday morning, and includes moving all our furniture and earthly belongings into the garage (obviously I couldn't do this on my own). 

Sadie and I spent Friday and Friday night outside and upstairs.  I slowly finished getting ready for the show.  I picked and set up the rental chairs, and finished getting the house ready.  I fretted about whether the band (who are young, carefree, hard to get a hold of, and were traveling through a snowstorm) would actually show up. I missed my husband and grieved for his loss.  And I drank beer at lunch.  In front of the neighbors.  Oh well....

After Sadie woke up from her nap on Saturday, I took her to my saint-of-a-neighbor who had swooped in at the 11th hour, offered to miss the house concert, and agreed to bake cookies and color with Sadie and hopefully get her to bed at her house.  I was already exhausted, still having mild to moderate anxiety about the whole situation, and tried to lie down and chill out.  I was as ready as I could be. 

I'm probably sounding a bit dramatic here.  What's the big deal?, you might be thinking.  Well, here's the thing.  This happens to me whenever I'm away from Brian in situations where I'm used to having him by my side.  I'm a confident, independent, perfectly capable woman.  I can parent, and host parties, and camp, and adventure, and road trip, and navigate the world very well on my own.  But what makes me feel like the luckiest girl ever is that I found a man who makes all that easier and better and more fun when we do it together.  It's not that I can't do stuff on my own (and do, a lot), I just like it better when we do some things as a team.  Like house concerts.  Not only are they logistically a two-person job (seriously), but I just feel like they go so much better when we do it together.  We make the house concert magic happen as a team.  And he was far away, and he was sad, and I was exhausted, and my kid was sort-of a mess, and I wanted him with me.  Wah!

Anyway, that was my mind-set going into the night.  And then it happened.  The house concert thing.  The magic.  The sparkle and beauty and fun and community and warmth that fill my home when we host these house concerts took over.  And it was the best night ever.  Just like every other house concert night is the best night ever.

I may have been a bit emotional.  I may have gotten a little tipsy.  But these friends and acquaintances and strangers and musicians and family were all there.  And we got wrapped up in each other and the music for a few hours.  And it was such a good thing. 
The boys from Waiting on Trail DID show up (on time)!.  They were the loveliest boys (I call them boys because they are.  Young bluegrassers from a college town.  Oh they were so cute and sweet).

They picked their hearts out.  They figured out that playing for a quiet room of music lovers (rather than a noisy bar full of drunks) has its perks.  And I think they found their footing and some inspiration in this new, quiet, respectful type of venue.

There was a lot of great food, great conversation, great beer, GREAT MUSIC, some heart-to-hearts, some Scamper tours, some pickin', some yelling, and some dancing.

I finally crawled into bed at the neighbor's house with Sadie around 3 a.m.  I got a few hours of sleep before Sadie was up and at it early the next morning.  I somehow got the house put back together and cleaned before Brian came home that afternoon.  I didn't want him coming home to mayhem.  He'd had a harder weekend than I had.  But I was sure happy to have him by my side again.

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