Camping Preparation

Sadie has a really nice, comfortable bed.  It was a big deal when she transitioned out of her crib to her bed.  There's a brand new IKEA mattress on her bed.  Pretty bedding I picked out just for her, too.

But, instead, Sadie has been sleeping on the floor NEXT to her bed for the last several weeks.  I like to think she's as excited for camping and festival season as I am and she's just getting ready....

Sunday Afternoon Bliss

It's not guaranteed that Sadie will take a long nap if I'm in the bed with her, but even so,I'd like to do this more often. We were both exhausted (me from a late night after the house concert and her from playing hard at grandma and grandpa's all weekend) and we rocked an almost three hour nap. It was glorious.

Backward and Forward: Fitness and Health

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2011 was quite possibly the biggest year of my life as far as fitness and health are concerned. I've written about my journey here, here, here, here, and blogged about my training and running of my first half marathon here. I am absolutely a different woman than I was 12 months ago and I won't be looking back.

For the first time since I was a high school athlete, exercise is a BIG part of my life. I've somehow turned into one of those people who get cranky if they don't get their scheduled workouts in for the week. Exercise has joined work and family at the top of my priority list.

The list of ways I benefit from frequent and vigorous exercise is extensive, but my favorites are:

• The way I feel: my body is stronger than it's ever been as an adult. Even on the days when I am SO sore from a hard workout, I remind myself how good this exercise is for my heart, my muscles, my bones, and every other part of my body.
• The way I look: even though I still have about 10 pounds to lose before getting to my goal weight, my body is more toned than it's ever been as an adult.
  
• Energy level: The first few months of early morning workouts weren't easy and I was so tired all day at work. But now that I'm used to it, I actually find that I have better energy to get me through my workday.
  
• Community: I love that after a year of taking the same boot camp class 3 days a week with the same group of women, I feel a stronger sense of community. I love running into these ladies when I'm out and about in my town. Sweating it out at 6 a.m. can really bring people together.
  
• SLEEP!!!!! Getting up at 5:15 a.m. four or more days a week to workout before I commute to work is not at all easy. I have it down to a science to where I barely have to open my eyes to get myself out the door. I shower and get ready for work at the gym, which isn't ideal. BUT...when I finally sit down at the end of the day after putting Sadie to bed, doing my daily chores, and getting everything ready for the next day, I am EXHAUSTED! I usually make it less than an hour before I'm headed upstairs to bed and it often takes me less than 5 minutes to fall asleep. As a lifelong insomniac, this is by far the very best reason for me to get up and exercise every day. I have never in my life slept so well, so consistently. It's heavenly. And being a well rested person most of the time makes me a better employee, wife, and mother. It all comes back to sleep, really.

So. For 2012. I'm going to continue pushing myself physically. I don't want to lose the momentum I've gained during 2011. I'm currently taking part in a challenge with my boot camp to complete half Iron Man distances during training over the next three weeks (actually the rest of my class is doing full Iron Man distances). In order to continue going to class three days a week, AND get 13.1 miles running, 1.2 miles swimming, and 56 miles of biking in, I'll be working out 6 days a week. I think that's bit excessive for the long term, but for a three week period, I think this will be just what I need to work off the holiday pounds I packed on, to increase my strength and endurance, and to help me FINALLY get to my goal weight.

Not sure what comes after that. I will definitely be doing the Bolder Boulder 10K race again, and will hopefully do some other races over the spring and summer. Not sure if I'll set my sights on another half marathon or maybe a triathalon. To be determined....

I can't finish up this post without talking about the scheduling of exercise in my busy life. I absolutely couldn't be making any of this work without my amazing co-parent. Brian and I have gotten to a place where exercise is important to both of us, so we're constantly trying to figure out how we can support each other in making time for our workouts. I'm thankful that we both see the benefits of exercise and can help each other reach our goals.

Feeling Cleansed

So, preparation for that big test I talked about below was a great excuse to fall very hard off the Health Wagon. I justified bad nutritional behavior for several months as I studied, studied, studied. Chocolate donuts and Pepsi on the way to work at 5: 30 a.m.? Definitely! Decompress after working and studying with several beers every night? Of course! No time to grocery shop or cook? That's o.k., just drive a couple miles down the road and eat one of these delicious burgers! Need an hourly break from studying?...go buy a bag of candy AND a chocolate bar! Why not??

I very easily fell back into some bad habits...too much sugar, caffeine, and alcohol, and OVEREATING galore. Needless to say, my body was not thanking me for it. I had been feeling so unhealthy, really just disgusting, and was feeling like I needed to do something to get myself back on track.
Along with a couple friends, I've embarked on a 30-day "cleanse" of sorts. I'm not ingesting only lemon juice and cayenne pepper or taking any expensive, nutritional supplements, but I have eliminated a lot of things from my diet that were causing me to feel so unhealthy. I'm halfway through the 30-day challenge, and have successfully removed the following things from my diet:

refined sugar
white flour
caffeine
alcohol
dairy
meat

That leaves me with whole grains, fruits, vegetables, legumes, eggs, nuts, water, and herbal tea. That's literally all I've put in my mouth since October 11th. And I feel great!! What a good change this has been for me. I'm usually a very healthy eater, but I do have bad habits that I fall back into during times of stress or laziness.

This challenge has done so much for my mind and body. My energy level is more consistent throughout the day now that I am not drinking coffee every single morning. I'm sleeping well every night. I'm drinking LOTS of water. My skin is healthy. I've lost weight. I'm meal planning and cooking again, which I LOVE to do. I'm trying new, creative recipes which makes cooking even more exciting. I'm not overeating; I'm truly listening to my body, and stopping when I'm satisfied (not full, just satisfied). I'm spending a lot less on groceries. And most importantly, I'm sharing this healthy food with my family!

Some of my favorite dinners over the past few weeks:

vegetarian chili
homemade refried beans with roasted green chilis and whole wheat tortillas
minestrone with whole wheat pasta
spaghetti squash with mushroom ragu
acorn squash stuffed with barley, apples, and onions
roasted vegetables with whole wheat pasta
vegetable stir fry with brown rice
butternut squash stir fry with cilantro, onions, and coconut milk
mushroom barley soup
grilled veggie kabobs

I've also started having green smoothies again several mornings a week, which is a habit I'm really happy to be getting back to. Lunch is usually leftovers from dinner the night before. Snacks include cucumbers and hummus, hard-boiled eggs, and lots of fruit. My "dessert" most nights is a banana with natural peanut butter, a handful of almonds, and herbal tea.

I won't pretend that this has been easy for me. The hardest thing at first was to give up coffee. I didn't go cold turkey, though, because I've seen what that does to me (angry voices in my head, seriously). So I weaned myself off the coffee gradually. The thing that's been hardest to let go of over the two weeks is alcohol. I don't drink copious amounts of alcohol in one sitting, but I do enjoy drinking wine with dinner, or having a cold beer while I cook dinner. Lots of activities we do usually incorporate alcohol (concerts, band practice, football games, etc.)

But even though it's been hard, I'm so happy to be making these changes right now. It's amazing how much your nutrition affects every aspect of your life. Although I will probably start drinking coffee and alcohol again after the 30 days are over (I have to hold on to some bad habits!), and I will occasionally indulge in a cheeseburger or yummy dessert, I plan to continue eating mostly within these limits because I know how good it is for me and my family.

SLEEP

Pronunciation: \ˈslēp\

Definition: the natural periodic suspension of consciousness during which the powers of the body are restored

Wow, what a crazy couple of months we've had. Way back at the beginning of October, things changed in our house and our family. Although there have been small challenges along the way, for the most part, Brian and I have had it relatively easy with this new baby of ours. Sadie has rarely been fussy, we didn't have any trouble with breastfeeding, she responds well to change, after a few hiccups she adapted to a bottle for the days when I'm at work, she's taken to solid foods very easily, she travels well, she's had barely a touch of diaper rash, and she's overall a very happy, sweet baby.

Sometimes I'd tell myself..."this is much too easy". This can't last....

And then back at the beginning of October, when Sadie was about 7 months old, she started having trouble sleeping. At the time, she was sleeping in her crib for naps and at night, after moving out of our room at about 4 months old. When she started sleeping in her crib, it seemed to be what she wanted. After waking up several times a night when she was sleeping right next to me, we decided to see how she did in her own room, as an experiment. And she slept through the night! Every single night for several months!

Wow, were we impressed. And thankful to not be experiencing the sleep deprivation that new parents so often talk about.

Well, starting a couple months ago, Sadie starting waking up at night, crying out to us from her crib. I would automatically do what we do when she's napping during the day, and what seems natural to me....immediately respond to her cries. I'd go into her room, pick her up, soothe her in whatever way she needed, and gently put her back to sleep. This was easy enough...and despite the interrupted sleep, she would go back down fairly quickly and I'd go back to bed.

Well, then things started getting a bit tougher. At first, she would just be waking up several times a night, and I was starting to get tired of getting up so often. But, we still felt like it was manageable. As it became clear that she probably didn't need to be nursing every time she woke up, Brian and I started alternating when she'd call out to us. After a couple weeks, however, she started taking a LONG time to fall back asleep. All our tricks came out of the bag, every single time she woke up. Nursing, rocking, bouncing on the exercise ball, singing, soft music and even being worn in her sling would eventually get her to sleep (sometimes after 2-3 hours), only for her to wake up again (sometimes within an hour after finally getting her back to sleep). This meant that many nights we were only getting a few hours of sleep.

At first we told ourselves that this is what having a baby is about, and we didn't worry or complain about it too much. Although we thought this might be a phase, or related to teething, we smiled, took naps when we could, and kept at it.

After weeks and weeks turned into months, we started to get worried. And seriously delirious. And frustrated. We recognized that it was time to start thinking long and hard about what was happening with our little girl, and more importantly, how we were going to respond to these new habits of hers. We were worried about how frustrated we were getting in the middle of the night. We worried that we were so focused on being good parents to her at night, that we weren't being the best parents we could be during the day. We were worried that the extreme sleep deprivation we were experiencing was affecting our marriage, our jobs, our health, and our sanity. We were worried about how long this would last....and if we could last as long as it took.

And in the back of our heads, we were wondering if we were doing the right thing. It certainly felt right. The most natural thing to me as a mother is to respond to my baby's cries. Every time she cries. No matter how often, what time, or why. Every time.

But there are very different schools of thought on this question. As we've been going through this journey, we've heard from friends, relatives, acquaintances, and perfect strangers...

LET THAT BABY CRY IT OUT!

She's manipulating you!

She doesn't need you for anything at this age!

etc...etc...etc...

And I don't begrudge these opinions and advice...in fact, I've sort of asked for them by sharing my struggles with anyone and everyone who has asked. I'm sure if I'd smiled, put some concealer on the bags under my eyes, brushed my hair and said, "Yes, my daughter is sleeping through the night...everything is just fine" I wouldn't have received these comments.

This issue is very controversial and I believe it is the personal decision of every parent. Of course, there is scientific evidence that letting a baby "cry-it-out" can be harmful to the baby and the effects can be longlasting (even into adulthood). However, I'm sure there is also scientific evidence to the contrary. As my pediatrician said (and he made sure to mention that he was quoting John Lennon...I LOVE our pediatrician!)...it's Whatever Gets You Through the Night.

Overall, I've been operating on pure instinct. I strongly believe that trusting in my maternal instinct is the only way for me to know what's best for Sadie. In modern times, there is so much information available, and so many experts trying to tell us what's best for our babies, that many people in our society have stopped listening to their own internal instincts when it comes to parenting. I find it interesting that the U.S. is one of the only countries in the world that routinely forces babies to sleep by themselves. I don't think that's because it feels right, I think it's because that what we're told is "best" for the baby. How can letting a baby cry until they vomit be what's "best" for them? How can I let the person I love most in the world cry and cry and ignore her? I wouldn't ignore another adult, friend, partner, parent, dog, or complete stranger on the street if they were crying out to me, so why on earth would I do it to my own daughter? I believe that when Sadie cries, it is because she is trying to tell me something, because crying is her best form of communication at this age.

Early on in my pregnancy I knew that I would be more of an "attachment" parent. Through the research I've done and conversations I've had with other parents, I believe that attachment parenting is the best choice for our family. Some of the principles of Attachment Parenting are:

Feed with Love and Respect: Sadie has been exclusively breastfed since birth, and I breastfeed on demand

Respond with Sensitivity: To me this means responding gently when Sadie cries. I believe that babies need their parents to soothe themselves. Although she can help soothe and calm herself, I believe that one of my roles as Sadie's mother is to calm and soothe her in all circumstances.

Use Nurturing Touch: Skin to skin contact, massage, and babywearing are common throughout Sadie's day and are important tools for soothing her both during the day and when she wakes at night.

Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally: Sadie's needs at night are no different than her needs during the day. My job as her mother is to meet these needs, whether they are for food, touch, company, or comfort.

The bottom line of this whole long response of mine is that we want Sadie to trust us...to know that when she needs and/or wants us, we'll come to her. No matter what. For the rest of her life.

So...where do things stand now?

Well, about 3 weeks ago, when Sadie started waking every 30-60 minutes some nights, I tried again to have her return to our bed. I think that cosleeping is great for babies and for parents, especially for breastfeeding mothers. Cosleeping (sleeping in the same room, not necessarily in the same bed) allows parents to immediately respond to baby's cries and can help the entire family get more sleep. After a few rough nights of having to teach Sadie that our bed is a place for sleeping (not for climbing, clapping, talking and/or pulling mama's hair), things have been SO MUCH BETTER! Although Sadie was still waking up several times a night, most of the time, she would snuggle up to me, and peacefully go back to sleep. This seems like the perfect solution to me and for the first time in months I feel like I can break out of this sleep deprivation fog I've been living in. I'm not sobbing every day in desperation, frustration and sadness. I'm not fighting with my husband for no apparent reason. I'm able to focus on my work and have the energy to run and play with Sadie all day. And I seriously love cuddling up and feeling the warmth of my baby next to me all night.

And then I left for 48 hours this past weekend. And after a rough Friday night, Brian was happy to report that Sadie slept all night in her crib Saturday night. She woke several times throughout the night, but put herself back to sleep each time, without crying! Hallelujah! I was sure that she had finally given up that her mama wasn't coming home and decided that it was probably time for her to get her act together with this sleep thing. And I completely expected that Sunday night, upon my return, she'd be back to her old habits.

But...

The last two nights, we've put Sadie to sleep at 7 p.m. and didn't see her smiling face until 7 a.m. Didn't hear a peep, didn't open the door, and slept soundly...all night... in our king-sized bed.

SLEEP, GLORIOUS SLEEP.