Monday, August 29, 2011

Meet my new friend....

His name is Niles

You may know this about me, or you can read all about it here and here and here. But this is SERIOUSLY A BIG DEAL!

These pictures represent the culmination of the hardest work I have ever done to change something about myself. This day is on par with the day I got married and the day I gave birth as far as big deal days in my life go. Seriously.

(by the way, I never held him on my own...but I did hold the back half of his body and touched/petted him). I felt and watched his tail (do snakes have tails?) wrap around my finger (that sorta gives me the willies still....) I got up close and took some of these pictures. I checked out the tiny, intricate symmetry of his patterned skin. I watched his body expand and contract with either breaths or heartbeats.

And I continually thanked my therapist for finding the absolute tiniest snake that has ever existed for this exercise.

And I left there feeling on top of the world....I was SO pumped up. I can't stop looking at these pictures. What an amazing life-transforming experience this journey has been for me.

Now, I'm not saying I like snakes. And I will most likely NEVER touch a snake again or get that close again. And if I come across an 8' rattlesnake while hiking in a canyon near my house I will be traumatized.

But I now have the tools, skills, and confidence to live life in a world that is also home to snakes. And if I see a small snake, or even a big snake, I know I can get through it. Before I started working to conquer this phobia, seeing a snake was absolutely NOT EVEN AN OPTION.

And one year ago I would have never in a million years considered even walking in the building if I knew Niles was inside, much less touched and admired him. Wow.


Gratefulmom said...

Good for you, I hate snakes. Living in Arizona really made me face my fears about snakes and spiders so now I don't freeze and feel like my heart is going to explode if I see one! Working through your fears/phobias is hard. I know this sounds silly but when we first moved to AZ I had nightmares about spiders and would be half asleep and think the room was crawling with them. Jas would have to calm me down to make me realize I was still sleeping! We had a tarantula on our driveway and I wouldn't park the car or go in the house until I begged a neighbor to move the spider. Now thankfully I am not so bad. Hugs, it seriously got in the way of living.

Challon said...

Yay! Good for you. I am now living with a cat which has been very hard for me but now I actually call him love names even tho I'm still really scared. Great job on confronting your fear! So many never even think to do it.