Soften Into Joy

Quote from Brené Brown via Soulemama

Haven't read Brené Brown's book, nor do I know what she means when she says this...but I saw this phrase today and it truly spoke to me and where I'm at right now.

Life is full.  Busy.  Hectic.  Frantic even. And although no one specifically asks me to do many of the things I fill my days with (other than work)...I sure do fill them up.  I often come to the end of a day, especially a weekend day which some people might consider using for relaxation and rest, and I feel utterly exhausted and depleted.  I look around at what I've accomplished and I feel satisfaction...but I'm beyond worn out.

And then often, without wanting it to happen, those feelings are followed immediately by resentment, anger, and bitterness that everyone else in my home might not be working nearly as hard as I am.  I think about all the things I've accomplished and compare them directly to what others around me have (or have not) accomplished in the same time period.  And that leads down a dark path that I don't like.  At all.  In those moments (which there seem to be a lot of lately), I try so hard to remind myself of a few things...

• again...no one is asking me to take on all the the things I take on
• I take them on because I WANT TO.  The cooking, baking, gardening, house concerts, decorating, crafting, community building, entertaining, and handmaking of gifts...these things bring joy to me, my family, and the people I love, and therefore shouldn't lead to negative feelings
• it's o.k. if other people choose to spend their free time in a different way.  That's why it's called free time.

So, during this busy season of the year and this busy season of my life...I choose to change my perspective.  I choose to either find joy in this busy-ness, or do something to change it.  I choose to honor the freedom of my family members to do what they want to with their free time.  I choose to recognize that these things I fill my days with truly do make my life joyful.  I declare that rather than diving headfirst into anger and resentment, I am choosing to Soften Into Joy.

Five Things Friday

1.  Tomorrow will be our second house concert of the fall season and I am oh so excited.  Probably means it's time to blog about the first of the season.  I due time.  Nonetheless, house concert nights are my very favorite nights of all.  Especially this time of the year.  It's cool and crisp outside, and warm and cozy inside.  The house fills up with friends (old and new) and family.  There are smells galore as people share their homemade goodies at the pre-show potluck.  There are smiles and hugs and laughter.  And then the music.  And the quiet and peace that falls over the crowd as we take in the beauty of yet another perfect night of acoustic music.  Ah.......

2.  I've been purging and organizing and simplifying and it feels SO GOOD!  It started with the guest room closet...expanded to the garage, then the pantry, the store-everything-that-doesn't-have-a-place extra kitchen cabinets, then the junk drawer.  And moved into my office yesterday.  I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  Rather than spring cleaning...I find that I want to declutter and simplify going into winter.  I want my home to be clean and organized before I cozy up for the season.  And we're making some serious progress on this front!

3.  Last weekend we had the most glorious date night.  Dinner at a new to us restaurant, Fruition, and then the Todd Snider concert, which is always one of our very favorite live shows.  Such a fun night with my favorite person in the world.


4. This.  Nothing makes me happier....

5.  I'm on a mission for the following items for the house....
vinyl storage inspired by this
console table for the top of our stairs

Pickin' in the Pines

 I can still remember it so vividly.....my favorite weekend of the summer.  How is it possible that this was my favorite?  With all the traveling, and family, and scenery, and music, and festivating....as I've said, the entire summer was so lovely.  I feel like we squeezed all the life and love and beauty and magic that we could out of this summer.  And yet...

This simple, unplanned, last-minute, rainy weekend was my very favorite.

And what made it so?

• beautiful, interesting, free-spirited children
• good friends
• like-minded parents
• unhurried, open ended conversations
• long, chilly mornings spent snuggled in the Scamp reading
• more mandolin playing in one weekend than I've quite possibly every partaken in
• more confidence and shedding-of-hang-ups about my mandolin playing than I've ever experienced
• a wide open meadow with plenty of space for our babies to run and play without our constant hovering
• late night campfires
• the best starry night of the summer
• hot tea and cold beers, at all the right times
• simple meals....just enough to keep us satisfied
• the feeling that I had all I needed or wanted right there in that peaceful meadow, that I didn't want it to end, and that I wanted to do it all over again the minute I got home.

 

Five Things September

Another quick installment of Five Things...inspired by Journey Mama.

1.  Water can be such a beautiful, forceful agent of change.  It can also be heartbreaking, terrifying, and destructive.  All of us who love Colorado, especially those of us who make our homes here, have been heartbroken as our friends and neighbors lost their homes to the recent flooding.  It's just made for a strange couple of weeks....

This is a picture of the Planet Bluegrass Ranch in Lyons, CO.  This magical, perfect place where I've been spending festival weekends for over a decade has been significantly damaged by the flooding.  It's been very sad for us in the festivarian community.

2.  I had the best birthday celebrations this year.  My husband and family and friends all came together to help me celebrate my 35th birthday.  The weekend was full of all my favorite things....reading in bed, good food (including cupcakes!), locally brewed beer, pickin', and all my favorite people (at least those in Colorado).  My heart was completely overwhelmed by all the love inside of it....

3.  My garden is hanging in there, despite the periods of neglect it has suffered from this summer.  I did manage to throw some additional arugula and spinach seeds in the ground, and am hoping to get some more of those before things freeze up.  In the meantime, I'm halfheartedly working in the garden, and managing to still harvest some peppers, beets, greens, and a few last, measly tomatoes.

4.  Last week Brian and I visited a school in our community that we're interested in sending Sadie to, starting next fall when she'll be a kindergartner!  This school is considered a Magnet School, and although it is not a charter school, and is a county school with the same testing requirements as other public schools in our county and state, it has a bit of an alternative approach to teaching and learning that we're interested in.  But it certainly does have my mind reeling...I just cannot believe that my little girl is getting so big so fast, and that all of a sudden (it seems) we're thinking and talking about this big choice and all that goes along with it! 

5.  I am sure one lucky mama and wife.  Towards the end of the summer I was feeling quite depleted, ragged, and exhausted.  Our busy, wonderful summer took a lot of energy and planning and organization on my part, and it caught up to me.  And it showed...my patience had worn thin with my family and my coworkers, I was feeling overtired and cranky, and knew I needed to do something about it.  Well, being close to home and spending a little bit (just a bit) less time on the go has done wonders for me.  And I've also been lucky enough to have some alone time...which I'm thinking is just what I needed to press my reset button.  Last Friday I left work a bit early to take part in Denver's Happiness Sprinkling Project.  And without going on and on about how much this experience meant to me, I'll sum it up by saying it absolutely filled me up.  The smiles and love that we were able to inspire in perfect strangers, for no reason other than the joy of spreading happiness...oh what an amazing thing it was.

After all this Happiness Sprinkling, I continued on to a quiet dinner and reading alone over a nice glass of white wine, and then to see some of my very favorite music in the whole world, played by Cahalen Morrison and Eli West.  I sat and knit and listened to these friends playing and just could not stop smiling.

Five Things

I have about 10 other blog posts that I need to work on and finish up and post up here.  Lots of summer fun that I still haven't documented.  But, at the moment, that seems monumentally impossible.  And yet, I want to be sharing here at my blog.  So, inspired by Journey Mama, I'll be sharing thoughts/musings/observations in small snippets of Five Things.  This seems much more manageable....

Five Things Day One:
1.  Sadie officially started ballet class a couple weekends ago, and it's just the loveliest thing!  We've known she'd take to this for quite some time.  And it absolutely fills my heart with joy to see her there, listening intently to every word the teacher says, while standing still in first position. 

 

2.  My Dad's been really sick and it's certainly thrown my family for a loop.  After barely making it home from a solo camping trip, he came down with what appeared to be a really nasty flu or virus.  A few days later it was finally diagnosed as spinal meningitis, and he spent 9 long days in the hospital.  It was a scary time for all of us, since there were so many unknowns and he was so very sick.  The staff at the hospital took great care of him, and he was finally able to go home yesterday.  Now he needs to just rest and recover and will hopefully be back to himself before too long.  Just happy that both my parents are home where they belong, sleeping in their own bed and surrounded by the mountains and flowers and peace and quiet that they need.

3.  We've been home for a couple weekends now....and it's the most glorious thing ever.  Summer has been SO fun and SO busy, and has left me reeling in happiness and exhaustion.  But at this point, there are no little voices inside me telling me to squeeze in one final camping trip, to make it to one last festival, or to organize one more outing.  All I want is to be home.  I want to wake up on Saturday morning, take my girl to ballet class, wander through the farmer's market with my wagon, read and knit and cook, and visit with my neighbors in the middle of the street.  That's about it.  Bring on fall.  Maybe even throw some football in there for good measure!

4.  I've started running again!  This is huge and will be discussed at more length in another blog post.  Quick background...I'd been running pretty consistently (and doing other types of vigorous exercise) 5-6 days a week for the last couple years.  I felt and looked great.  I was thriving and chalked it up to all the exercise.  And then my back started bothering me.  Really bothering me.  And my first response was to stop exercising, especially running.  And I haven't run a step, really, since January.  And it broke my heart.  I would secretly cry when friends and relatives would casually go for a quick jog.  I've gained weight.  I'm not handling stress very well.  I seem to have no patience with my husband or my daughter.  My clothes don't fit me, my skin is bad, I'm not sleeping well, and I don't feel confident or comfortable in my own skin.  It's amazing how many things have gone downhill for me when I stopped exercising.  Well...I finally hit bottom and decided that I was going to try running again, slowly, and see how things went.  I've been reading a book called Back Sense that has started changing my perspective about chronic back pain.  And so last week, for the first time in months, after doing as many unhealthy things as possible to my body for last several months, I took some first tentative steps.  And I feel great!

5.  There's a new baby in the family!  Our dear neighbors and best friends welcomed a beautiful new baby girl to the world last week.  Welcome baby Caroline Mae!  Everyone is happy and healthy and recovering at home.  I'm trying to keep my distance and give them time as a family...but I can't wait to start snuggling on a regular basis with this sweet girl!