Five Things

I have about 10 other blog posts that I need to work on and finish up and post up here.  Lots of summer fun that I still haven't documented.  But, at the moment, that seems monumentally impossible.  And yet, I want to be sharing here at my blog.  So, inspired by Journey Mama, I'll be sharing thoughts/musings/observations in small snippets of Five Things.  This seems much more manageable....

Five Things Day One:
1.  Sadie officially started ballet class a couple weekends ago, and it's just the loveliest thing!  We've known she'd take to this for quite some time.  And it absolutely fills my heart with joy to see her there, listening intently to every word the teacher says, while standing still in first position. 

 

2.  My Dad's been really sick and it's certainly thrown my family for a loop.  After barely making it home from a solo camping trip, he came down with what appeared to be a really nasty flu or virus.  A few days later it was finally diagnosed as spinal meningitis, and he spent 9 long days in the hospital.  It was a scary time for all of us, since there were so many unknowns and he was so very sick.  The staff at the hospital took great care of him, and he was finally able to go home yesterday.  Now he needs to just rest and recover and will hopefully be back to himself before too long.  Just happy that both my parents are home where they belong, sleeping in their own bed and surrounded by the mountains and flowers and peace and quiet that they need.

3.  We've been home for a couple weekends now....and it's the most glorious thing ever.  Summer has been SO fun and SO busy, and has left me reeling in happiness and exhaustion.  But at this point, there are no little voices inside me telling me to squeeze in one final camping trip, to make it to one last festival, or to organize one more outing.  All I want is to be home.  I want to wake up on Saturday morning, take my girl to ballet class, wander through the farmer's market with my wagon, read and knit and cook, and visit with my neighbors in the middle of the street.  That's about it.  Bring on fall.  Maybe even throw some football in there for good measure!

4.  I've started running again!  This is huge and will be discussed at more length in another blog post.  Quick background...I'd been running pretty consistently (and doing other types of vigorous exercise) 5-6 days a week for the last couple years.  I felt and looked great.  I was thriving and chalked it up to all the exercise.  And then my back started bothering me.  Really bothering me.  And my first response was to stop exercising, especially running.  And I haven't run a step, really, since January.  And it broke my heart.  I would secretly cry when friends and relatives would casually go for a quick jog.  I've gained weight.  I'm not handling stress very well.  I seem to have no patience with my husband or my daughter.  My clothes don't fit me, my skin is bad, I'm not sleeping well, and I don't feel confident or comfortable in my own skin.  It's amazing how many things have gone downhill for me when I stopped exercising.  Well...I finally hit bottom and decided that I was going to try running again, slowly, and see how things went.  I've been reading a book called Back Sense that has started changing my perspective about chronic back pain.  And so last week, for the first time in months, after doing as many unhealthy things as possible to my body for last several months, I took some first tentative steps.  And I feel great!

5.  There's a new baby in the family!  Our dear neighbors and best friends welcomed a beautiful new baby girl to the world last week.  Welcome baby Caroline Mae!  Everyone is happy and healthy and recovering at home.  I'm trying to keep my distance and give them time as a family...but I can't wait to start snuggling on a regular basis with this sweet girl!

Backward and Forward: Fitness and Health

image credit

2011 was quite possibly the biggest year of my life as far as fitness and health are concerned. I've written about my journey here, here, here, here, and blogged about my training and running of my first half marathon here. I am absolutely a different woman than I was 12 months ago and I won't be looking back.

For the first time since I was a high school athlete, exercise is a BIG part of my life. I've somehow turned into one of those people who get cranky if they don't get their scheduled workouts in for the week. Exercise has joined work and family at the top of my priority list.

The list of ways I benefit from frequent and vigorous exercise is extensive, but my favorites are:

• The way I feel: my body is stronger than it's ever been as an adult. Even on the days when I am SO sore from a hard workout, I remind myself how good this exercise is for my heart, my muscles, my bones, and every other part of my body.
• The way I look: even though I still have about 10 pounds to lose before getting to my goal weight, my body is more toned than it's ever been as an adult.
  
• Energy level: The first few months of early morning workouts weren't easy and I was so tired all day at work. But now that I'm used to it, I actually find that I have better energy to get me through my workday.
  
• Community: I love that after a year of taking the same boot camp class 3 days a week with the same group of women, I feel a stronger sense of community. I love running into these ladies when I'm out and about in my town. Sweating it out at 6 a.m. can really bring people together.
  
• SLEEP!!!!! Getting up at 5:15 a.m. four or more days a week to workout before I commute to work is not at all easy. I have it down to a science to where I barely have to open my eyes to get myself out the door. I shower and get ready for work at the gym, which isn't ideal. BUT...when I finally sit down at the end of the day after putting Sadie to bed, doing my daily chores, and getting everything ready for the next day, I am EXHAUSTED! I usually make it less than an hour before I'm headed upstairs to bed and it often takes me less than 5 minutes to fall asleep. As a lifelong insomniac, this is by far the very best reason for me to get up and exercise every day. I have never in my life slept so well, so consistently. It's heavenly. And being a well rested person most of the time makes me a better employee, wife, and mother. It all comes back to sleep, really.

So. For 2012. I'm going to continue pushing myself physically. I don't want to lose the momentum I've gained during 2011. I'm currently taking part in a challenge with my boot camp to complete half Iron Man distances during training over the next three weeks (actually the rest of my class is doing full Iron Man distances). In order to continue going to class three days a week, AND get 13.1 miles running, 1.2 miles swimming, and 56 miles of biking in, I'll be working out 6 days a week. I think that's bit excessive for the long term, but for a three week period, I think this will be just what I need to work off the holiday pounds I packed on, to increase my strength and endurance, and to help me FINALLY get to my goal weight.

Not sure what comes after that. I will definitely be doing the Bolder Boulder 10K race again, and will hopefully do some other races over the spring and summer. Not sure if I'll set my sights on another half marathon or maybe a triathalon. To be determined....

I can't finish up this post without talking about the scheduling of exercise in my busy life. I absolutely couldn't be making any of this work without my amazing co-parent. Brian and I have gotten to a place where exercise is important to both of us, so we're constantly trying to figure out how we can support each other in making time for our workouts. I'm thankful that we both see the benefits of exercise and can help each other reach our goals.

This week

image credit: College For Us

This week has gone really well. I had a successful weigh-in on Tuesday; I was down 2.2 pounds from the previous week's big, ugly gain. My diligence paid off! I used the success as motivation to keep it up this week. And knowing that this weekend will present another three days of challenges, I knew I needed to keep things in check this week.

Tuesday night Brian and I only cooked half a box of pasta. We used to put down an entire box (1 pound of pasta!) by ourselves, no problem. We don't do that anymore. We could if we let ourselves, though...

Wednesday I had lunch plans at my favorite Jewish deli. I like to order the 6" tall (seriously) corned beef sandwich with egg salad. But I didn't. I planned ahead and knew before I walked in the door that I would order a bowl of beef barley soup (with a matzoh ball in it for good measure), and a mini bagel with cream cheese and lox (cream cheese on the side). The meal was yummy and I left feeling full. Dinner was a bit lighter after a heavier lunch.

Thursday night I had movie plans with friends. I skipped dinner at Chilis (in favor of a healthy dinner at home), had one small glass of wine before the movie and didn't buy any candy at the theater. Good!

Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings I went to the rec center and worked hard.

Today the challenges start. Tonight we'll be going out for Thai food. Tomorrow night's sure-to-be-awesome house concert potluck and accompanying beer drinking will take some self-control. Sunday, it's another baby shower and I'm sure there will be lots of lovely, delicious food. So....

I'm going into the weekend planning for success. I'll plan ahead as much as possible. I'll make a responsible choice at dinner tonight, I'll have ONE (and only one) plate of food at the potluck and not pick over the leftovers at the end of the night, and I'll only eat smart portions of food I really like a the baby shower (rather than eating everything offered, just because it's there).

Checking In

Last week went well after my previous post. I tracked (journaled) my food and activity each day, and stayed on track with my choices and portions. I felt great going into the weekend, and did a lot of visualizing about making smart choices during several challenging events this weekend.

My results over the weekend were mixed.

Friday night: challenge #1: no dinner plans, dinner out. Response: We went to our local mexican restaurant and I ordered the Sopa Tlalpeno..chicken soup with potatoes and garbanzo beans. I know this is a low-point option at this restaurant, and it's filling. I limited the tortilla chips I ingested before our dinner came (and turned down the repeated offers to refill the basket). I ate one slice of Sadie's quesadilla (1/6th of an entire quesadilla). Overall, felt good about my choices and actions.
challenge #2: baking killer cookies for Saturday baby shower. Response: I did not inhale cookie dough while cooking (just a couple small bites). Did not have ANY cookies that night.

Saturday: challenge: baby shower at my house with lots of yummy food. Response: I ate small portions of the more fattening things and larger portions of the fruit and veggies. Ate a few bites of the cake and only a couple killer cookies. Kept drinking in control. Overall, felt good about my choices and actions.

Sunday: challenge #1: lunch out and about. We went to Qdoba and I ate a small bowl of the Mexican Gumbo and a few bites of Sadie's quesadilla. Felt good about my choices and actions.
challenge #2: White Fence Farm dinner with friends. I'm not a big fan of fried chicken (which is what this restaurant is famous for), so I knew going into it that I would order the roast turkey dinner. Overall, not thrilled with my choices and actions. I ate way too much of the sides (coleslaw, fritters, etc) and kept eating even when I wasn't hungry anymore. Didn't track everything since I don't remember everything I ate.

I came out of the weekend feeling relatively positive about how things went. Although I acted on some bad habits Sunday night, I feel happy that I didn't behave that way in all cases this weekend. I made good choices Friday and Saturday.

I went to the gym this morning and worked hard. After feeling so full and uncomfortable after last night's dinner, I packed a big bag of fruits, veggies, a hard-boiled egg, and cheese stick for lunch and snacks today. I'll eat well today, tonight and tomorrow and hope to have a positive change on the scale tomorrow!

Lessons learned:

• Limiting what I ate during dinners out and the baby shower did not lessen my enjoyment of these events at all!
• Quit eating Sadie's quesadillas!
• Only eat quantities that you'll be able to remember afterward!
  

Accountability

I'm trying something new here. It's not going to be easy, but I think it's necessary. This blog is somewhat of a safe space for me. Partly because I'm not convinced that anyone other than my mother and my husband actually read what's written here. And also because it's easier to be brutally honest in this somewhat anonymous place called a blog.

So, it's time for some accountability in my life, and I'm using this blog as a way to mix it up a bit.

I LOVE to eat. I sometimes LOVE to overeat. I don't love how I feel while I'm overeating, or afterward, but I sometimes have no control over it (or at least it feels that way).

I've worked really hard over the past 5 years (through Weight Watchers and in other ways) to rein in my habit of overeating. I LOVE LOVE LOVE how healthy and empowered I feel when I am in control of my eating habits. But that doesn't mean I always stick to it. It is so hard from me to constantly be vigilant about my eating habits. Sometimes I just get tired of having to work so hard at it.

I hold myself accountable for staying away from bad habits by going to my Weight Watchers meetings. I know a lot of people lose the weight they want to lose and then stop going to meetings and stop actively participating in the program. I'll never be that person. I will probably go to Weight Watchers meetings for the rest of my life. Even when I FINALLY (someday) reach my goal weight. It's that accountability thing.

Anyway, I'm needing a new way to hold myself accountable for my actions, because I'm feeling a bit out of control right now. So I'm going to start discussing my eating habits and their consequences on my blog for a while. And I'll start with the hard part. And then hopefully continue to have positive changes to discuss here.

So here goes. The hard part.

I've been within 3 pounds of my weight goal for 6 months. These last few pounds have been so hard for me. I make a lot of excuses....but it's behavior like this week's that is the reason I've had so much trouble.

(By the way....let me say that I have no aspirations to be Hollywood-skinny. I don't even want to be considered skinny. I think that word is so misconstrued in our thin-obsessed culture. I just want to be healthy.)

So, back to my bad behavior....The last few weeks have been full of distractions from my regular routine, celebrations, ordering in, and dinners with friends. I went into this week already feeling pretty bad about what I've eaten and how I've behaved recently. Monday I opened the halloween candy as trick-or-treaters started arriving on our street. And before anyone came home, and before anyone saw me, I probably ate (inhaled is more like it) 8 pieces of halloween candy. And continued to eat candy in this way for the rest of the night. I was eating it so quickly I didn't even taste it or enjoy it. And I felt sick afterward.

On Tuesday, the day I usually press the reset button and get my habits back on track (and the day I weigh in each week), I started off the morning with a chocolate glazed donut. A bit later, I ate the healthy breakfast I'd packed. For lunch, instead of eating the healthy lunch I'd packed, I stopped and scarfed down not one, but two huge Lauer Kraut sandwiches. Completely unnecessary and gluttonous. I overate at dinner, but managed to only have one piece of halloween candy afterward. When my generous (and well-meaning) neighbor brought homemade chocolate chip cookies over yesterday, I ate three immediately, and another one when Sadie got home.

I'm not proud to admit any of this here. These are not the eating habits that are going to help me lose these last few pounds. These are not habits that help me feel in control. This makes me feel out of control and disgusting and unhealthy and sad. This is not what I want for myself.

So. Enough with the sad story. Time for positive talk from here on out. I think that documenting my struggles and successes here will help me snap myself out of this current slippery slope I feel I'm on. So. What have I done right in the midst of all this?

• I have continued to go to the rec center three days a week and work very hard in my boot camp class. I like the way I look in the mirror. I'm stronger and more fit than I've ever been in my adult life, and I feel and look great.
• I went to Weight Watchers and weighed in! Accountability! It wasn't pretty. I gained 5 pounds in one week. Embarrassing. But, if I hadn't gone, I would have continued on the wrong path...and the bad news from the scale is what has encouraged me to shake things up a bit and turn things around.
• I went shopping (mostly unsuccessfully), and tried on several jackets, blouses, and sweaters. I automatically went for medium sized garments and found that those were all too big!!! I found that in most cases I needed a small! I can't remember the last time I bought a small anything! This was a good reminder of how far I've come in the past couple years with my weight loss. Even though I've fallen off track a bit recently, it doesn't diminish the successes I've had up until now!

I know that I will always struggle with my weight. I will always have to work hard to maintain a healthy weight. I will always have to fight against my tendency to binge and overeat and lose control. But I also know which I prefer. I prefer to be in control and healthy and energetic. I want to set a good example and be a good role model for my daughter about how to nourish yourself in a healthy way.

Before and After

Before



After!



In the past year, Brian and I have lost over 110 pounds!, and we've lost over 80 since the beginning of the year.

Quick list of changes we've made and things we do that have helped us get here

• We both generally follow a Weight Watchers plan. It consists of education about portion sizes and following the 8 Good Health Guidelines:
  1. Eat at least five servings of vegetables and fruits each day.
  2. Choose whole-grain foods, such as brown rice and oats, whenever possible.
  3. Include two servings of milk products – low fat (1%) or fat-free – each day.
  4. Have some healthy oil (olive oil, canola, sunflower, safflower or flaxseed) each day.
  5. Ensure that you are getting enough protein by choosing at least a serving or two of meat, poultry, fish, eggs, or dried beans each day. Many dairy products are also good sources of protein.
  6. Limit added sugar and alcohol.
  7. Drink at least 6 8-ounce glasses of water a day.
  8. Take a multiple vitamin-mineral supplement each day.
  Through WW, I eat tons of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, some lean proteins and low-fat or fat-free dairy, and still have room for treats so I never feel deprived. I drink LOTS of water, and get a small amount of healthy oil in every day. I LOVE the Weight Watchers program and would recommend it to anyone!

• We TRY to not go back for seconds. Brian's better about this than I am.
  

• We eat MOST meals at home, which for us makes it much easier to be healthy.

• We've both started running! I'm training for a half marathon, and Brian is very consistent about running at the rec center and around our neighborhood.

• We only weigh-in once a week, which helps us avoid getting overly excited or disappointed by the typical daily ups and downs in our weights.

• We encourage each other every day...doing this together has been such a wonderful thing for us. I can't imagine us ever going back to "before".
  

I Make Milk, What's Your Superpower?

Yep, Sadie and I are still breastfeeding. Mostly happily.
As soon as I decided that I would be a breastfeeding mama, I knew that I would be very committed to it. I believe so strongly in the benefits of this relationship for both mamas and babies. I believe that this is the single most important gift I have given my child, to date.

And it certainly hasn't always been easy. As a full-time working mother, it was a serious commitment and sacrifice to maintain my milk supply in those early days. I laugh when I think about some of the ridiculous situations in which I pumped. (covered in mud, hunched down in my truck, while an all-male drill crew worked just out of sight comes to mind...).

I think I always intended to nurse until Sadie turned two. That's the recommendation of the World Health Organization, other respected pediatric groups, Sadie's pediatrician, and some other nursing mamas I know. But I never really thought about what that meant. I guess I just thought we would magically be done when Sadie turned two. Then when Sadie started to near her second birthday, it became clear that if I was really determined to be done, it wasn't going to be easy. At all. I reached out to the very few women I know who nursed past their child's first birthday. And I started paying more attention to Sadie and what her needs/wants are when it comes to nursing. I told Sadie's pediatrician (who is very breastfeeding supportive) that I was "in no hurry" but that I was interested in moving in the direction of weaning. His advice to me was a common saying when it comes to gently weaning toddlers, "Don't Offer, Don't Refuse". Sounds reasonable, right?

Well, let me just tell you that I never offer. Never. I don't get the chance to really. The minute I walk in the door after work, before a hug and kiss, Sadie asks to nurse. And she's VERY insistent about it. She will not take no for an answer.

It's true that Sadie does not NEED to nurse anymore, from a nutritional standpoint. But that doesn't mean she doesn't need to nurse anymore. What I know in my heart is that this is her best way to reconnect with me after missing each other all day. I don't see Sadie before I go to work in the morning...so when I get home from work, we've been apart for 22 hours :(. And she knows that when we are nursing, I am 100% focused on her and it is a special time for us to be physically and emotionally close.

Sadie is also a sensitive little one who is very attached to her mama, and I believe that she benefits greatly from the comfort and security that nursing brings. I also know that it is my very best (and easiest) tool to help her calm down when she is upset, angry, or hurt. It is a very important part of our bedtime routine, and although she has no problem going to sleep for her dad or her grandparents, if I'm the one putting her to sleep, we both love having that time to snuggle in close and quiet down from the business of the day.

But there are also times that I am ready, READY, to be done. It's not always sweet and comforting for me. There are times that my body and its particular hormonal state that day are not in the mood to nurse. There are times, like last week, when I came home from a long after-work run, sweatier than I've ever been in my life, and all Sadie wanted to do was nurse. I literally had to peel my sports bra off of me and get in the shower while listening to her scream for 20 minutes because I absolutely just couldn't bring myself to nurse until I'd washed all the sweat and grime off my body. And then there are times when I find myself feeling self-conscious about nursing Sadie.

When Sadie was younger, I had absolutely no qualms about nursing in public. I nursed her discreetly while eating with friends in a busy restaurant, at concerts and festivals, in front of her great-grandparents at the dinner table, on the airplane, and while walking around my neighborhood. I'm so thankful that unlike many, many women in this country, I was never chided for it or asked to leave a public place. I also like to think that through these actions I've made some formerly squeamish friends and family members more comfortable with breastfeeding and helped them to realize that it's a perfectly natural way to nourish your baby and is absolutely not something that must be done in private.

But....now that Sadie's a bit older and I'm the only person in my immediate group of family and friends who has nursed to this age, I'm more aware of when and where I nurse Sadie. Unlike some toddlers, Sadie doesn't often insist on nursing when we're in public. She tends to get distracted and excited about whatever activity we're engaged in and it doesn't cross her mind. If we are in someone's home, I can usually say, o.k., it's time to go have some quiet time, and we'll find a quiet place to nurse.

A couple weekends ago, though, we were camping with several other couples. A couple of the mamas, their kids, and Sadie and I were sitting around the campfire when Sadie asked to nurse. I mostly felt comfortable nursing in front of these women, but they are relatively new friends and I don't really know how they feel about breastfeeding. I wasn't sure how I felt about nursing in front of these womens' husbands, but could have talked myself into getting over that. The thing that gave me the most pause, was that I was nervous about the reaction of Sadie's three-year old playmate and the other kiddos. I've never seen it as my job to "teach" other people, through example, about breastfeeding. But I do know that when I nurse in front of people who are not familiar or comfortable, that it can be a good learning experience. I guess I just didn't feel up to it that day.

I ended up finding a beautiful, quiet spot in the woods where Sadie and I nursed and then spent some more time listening to the birds and talking about what we saw in the trees. And that was a more relaxing, special moment anyway, than if we were trying to nurse in the midst of the whole group. But I've found myself mulling over the feelings I experienced in that situation.

Later during that same camping trip, when the entire group was sitting around camp, somehow Brian got around to telling a story about Sadie asking to nurse. The gist of it was describing what I mentioned before, how when I walk in the door that's the only thing she wants to do. Like I said, these were somewhat new friends, and I wasn't sure if they were all aware that Sadie still nurses at the age of 2 1/2. In a way, it was nice that Brian was just getting that information out there in the open. At the same time, I felt a bit shy about him telling everyone this so casually. But I know that was just my natural instinct to be private about something that is not that common in our society.

But as I've thought about that moment several times over the past couple weeks, the overall feeling I end up with is pride in my husband. I'm so proud and thankful that he feels no shame or embarrassment about this (he shouldn't!). In a way, I think he's proud of the fact that our family still has a nursing toddler. I think he likes that it makes us a bit different from other friends in this regard. That attitude from him helps remind me to snap out of it when I'm feeling self-conscious or shy about our nursing.

And after all, this parenting thing is teamwork. Although my nursing relationship with Sadie is mostly about the two of us, Brian is and always has been a part of the relationship too. I absolutely could not have made it this far without Brian's support and encouragement.

So, now what? Well, that I can't answer yet. I've clearly flown right past the two year mark and see no end in sight. I have started talking to Sadie about nursing in a way she can understand. While she screamed at me when I was in the shower last week I continued to explain to her that when she acts that way it doesn't make me want to nurse. I try to limit our nursing to when I get home from work and before bed (and in the morning when I'm there). I enforce and insist upon nursing "manners". And I'm taking it day by day.

I'm also educating myself about the concepts of child-led weaning. Child-led weaning means trusting your child and having confidence that your child knows what she needs. It means trusting yourself enough to ignore a society that claims to know your child better than you do. I'm reminding myself about the benefits of nursing past infancy. I'm rereading this great book. And I'm taking a deep breath, relaxing, looking into my daughters beautiful blue eyes, and reveling in the joy and beauty of this relationship.

Self Care

I am finding myself in a period of being very mindful of how I take care of myself mentally and physically (not really tackling the spiritually part for now...). I'm amazed at how some recent changes in my life have affected my energy level throughout the day and week, my sleeping habits, my ability to cope with stress and premenstrual symptoms, and my overall feeling of contentment and vitality. These changes include mostly eliminating coffee from my morning routine (with the exception of a weekend morning every once in a while), and replacing coffee with green smoothies most mornings; going to bed around the same time every night, even on the weekends; and frequent and consistent vigorous activity.

I'm feeling very empowered by these changes right now and look forward to continuing to make more positive changes in my routine that will have me feeling better all the time!

This article really resonated with me this morning (and inspired this quick blog post) and includes some great tips that I want to start incorporating.

Biggest Losers

Brian and I just took part in a 12-week weight loss challenge with three other couples. It was such a great experience to do this with my husband and with these friends.

In 12 weeks I lost 14 pounds. I'm now within 10 pounds of my final weight goal and feeling better than ever!

Brian and I also joined the Rec Center in our community and I've gone from not doing much exercise (with the exception of my daily 2-mile lunchtime walk), to some really tough workouts including swimming 1200 yards, running 5 miles on the treadmill, and running 3.5-mile hilly runs in my neighborhood. I've also been motivated to try many of the fitness classes offered at the rec center, including spinning, High Intensity Interval Training (H.I.I.T.), yoga, and Zumba (which I LOVE!!).

I'm so thrilled to finally be making exercise a priority in my schedule. It's always been a struggle for me because I just don't have the time. But I've really gotten used to (and gotten to where I enjoy) getting up early 4 mornings a week and working out before I head to the office. It's just become a part of my schedule; I have a good routine figured out for getting out of the house that early; and I love the feeling of knowing I've gotten it out of the way! I'm sleeping so much better now and my body feels strong and powerful. I'm setting fitness goals for myself in the coming months to keep myself motivated. I'm going to run the Bolder Boulder (10K) on Memorial Day which I haven't done in years, and I'm pondering this women's triathalon in August!

Brian lost 33 pounds in 12 weeks! He is thinner than I've ever seen him (and weighs less than he's weighed in a very long time). Brian won the weight loss challenge for the males in the group by losing 14.6% of his body weight! I am so proud of him I can't even stand it. I will of course love my husband no matter what size or shape he is, but I can tell how good he feels on the inside and outside and that's what makes me so happy. Oh, and he's barely snoring anymore and that REALLY makes me happy!

I'm proud that Brian and I accomplished this in a healthy way that we'll be able to maintain. We both kept each other in check with our portions (which is a struggle for both of us), and encouraged each other in going to the gym. The food we eat hasn't really changed at all, but we have been making better choices when we're not at home.

This group of 8 adults lost 164 pounds in 12 weeks!!! That's an entire person! Looking at these before and after pictures is so, so inspiring to me. I'm truly thankful to my girlfriends for hatching this crazy plan and asking us to be a part of it. And I am very proud of my friends for their great successes and changed habits. We celebrated in fine style after our final weigh-in with donuts, breakfast burritos and mimosas (and cheeseburgers for dinner), but it sounds like everyone was back on track Monday morning. We're currently brainstorming ways that the eight of us can continue to support each other in the future.

What I Eat

I spend SO much time planning and preparing for what I'm going to eat, and even more time thinking about what I have eaten, am eating, and will eat. It's exhausting sometimes.

I've come to terms with the fact that I am a woman who will always need to be VERY conscious about what I eat. This is a good thing in some ways. I believe that it's important to pay attention to what you're putting in your body and what you're feeding your family. I believe that spending time thinking about the source of your food and the practices under which it's produced are important. And I believe that one way in which I can show the universe that I'm thankful to have such an abundance of food in my life is to slow down, think about it, enjoy every bite, and not eat more than I need to sustain and fuel myself.I also know that I have a pretty serious sweet tooth, a love of cheese and cream and butter and cheeseburgers and chocolate, and I have a severe tendency to overeat if I let myself. A lot of the emotional and logistical energy expended by my brain is devoted to food. But I'm o.k. with that.

I was raised eating pretty healthy food (no sugar cereal or candy for this girl) and sat down to a delicious homemade dinner cooked by my mother every night (almost always at the dining room table, too). I'm eternally grateful for this healthy start. My mom gardened and went to the farmer's market, and I learned a lot from joining her during these activities. But food is also a big part of my family culture. When I vacation with my extended family, we start talking about what the plan is for the next meal, before we've even finished the prior meal! In my family, we LOVE to eat, we use it as a form of celebration and community, and we show how much we care about each other through the food we prepare.

My relationship with food, and the accompanying changes in my health and weight, ebbs and flows and will probably always be in a state of flux. I've learned to accept that there are times when I am "on" and times when I am definitely "off". Sometimes, it will be circumstantial ...like when I gained 20 pounds while studying for my P.G. exam (I swear those chocolate donuts and candy are what got me through all the endless hours looking at books and running calculations).
But for right now, my relationship with food is healthy and positive and empowering. I've talked before about how much I love the Weight Watchers program. I've been a member of Weight Watchers since November of 2007 and continue to believe that it is a wonderful nutritional program that steers me toward a healthy relationship with food. I know that WW used be like a lot of other wacky, fad, "diets" (these WW cards from the 1970s make me laugh SO hard every time I look through them, make sure to read the accompanying comments). These days, though, WW is a very scientifically sound nutritional program that follows guidelines that any doctor or nutritionist would tell you to adhere to. It consists of education about portion sizes and following the 8 Good Health Guidelines:
1. Eat at least five servings of vegetables and fruits each day.
2. Choose whole-grain foods, such as brown rice and oats, whenever possible.
3. Include two servings of milk products – low fat (1%) or fat-free – each day.
4. Have some healthy oil (olive oil, canola, sunflower, safflower or flaxseed) each day.
5. Ensure that you are getting enough protein by choosing at least a serving or two of meat, poultry, fish, eggs, or dried beans each day. Many dairy products are also good sources of protein.
6. Limit added sugar and alcohol.
7. Drink at least 6 8-ounce glasses of water a day.
8. Take a multiple vitamin-mineral supplement each day.
Through WW, I eat tons of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, some lean proteins and low-fat or fat-free dairy, and still have room for treats so I never feel deprived. I drink LOTS of water, and get a small amount of healthy oil in every day. I LOVE the Weight Watchers program and would recommend it to anyone!

I am currently about 10-13 pounds away from what I have set for myself as a goal and a weight I'd like to maintain for the rest of my life. This goal is within (and actually pretty close to the top) of the healthy weight and BMI range for my age and height. And boy are these last ~10 pounds tough to shed!

Brian and I are also involved in a couples weight loss challenge with three other couples. We're 7 weeks into the 12-week challenge, and at our mid-point weigh-in, we'd collectively lost 100 pounds!!! Brian and I have lost 30 pounds between the two of us, and are in a close second for the $300 reward! I am SO, SO proud of my husband for his 20+ pound weight loss....it's really exciting to be working towards better health together and he is definitely what is keeping me motivated some days.

So, back to the food. I think the reason so many people in this country are overweight or obese is in part because it takes a lot of work and time to prepare and eat healthy food. What a shame that we've made it more convenient (and sometimes cheaper) for people to be unhealthy! But it's always been worth it to me to invest the time, money, and effort that it takes to plan for and feed my family and myself wholesome food.

In addition to cooking healthy meals for my family, I'm also still struggling to find the balance as a full-time working mama...so making something easy and quick is just as important. I've gotten into a good routine with my meals throughout the day and I'm having a lot of fun trying some new recipes and playing with new flavors.

BREAKFAST

"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "what's the first thing you say to yourself?" "What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?" "I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet. Pooh nodded thoughtfully. "It's the same thing," he said." — A.A. Milne

Breakfast most mornings during a work week is a bowl of fruit (always a sliced banana, and a handful of berries such as strawberries, blueberries, or blackberries), a 1/4 cup of hemp granola from the bulk section of Sprouts, and a 1/4 cup of this delicious yogurt. I go for the full fat, cream-top yogurt...it's so creamy and delicious and fine in such a small portion. I also have a cup of earl grey tea with a bit of cream and sugar, and 12 oz water with 2 teaspoons of Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar. This breakfast sustains me for a few hours and gives me great energy to start off the day. I've been a loyal coffee drinker for over a decade, with the exception of during my pregnancy. But since my cleanse I haven't started completely back to drinking coffee every morning...I save it for the weekends and for a special treat for myself on Fridays sometimes. I find that I don't experience the "crash" mid-afternoon that I used to when I had coffee every morning, and I love that!

On the weekends I usually make something more exciting like an egg with some veggies in a corn tortilla.

I'm also thinking that as I try to lose these last 10 pounds I may re-incorporate green smoothies into my morning routine.

I always have a banana around 9:30/10:00 a.m. and drink most of the water in my water bottle.

LUNCH
"Want to have a short phone call with someone? Call them at 11:55 a.m., right before lunch. They'll talk fast. You may think you are interesting, but you are not more interesting than lunch." — Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture)

Lunch is almost always leftovers from dinner the night before or leftover soup from Sunday Soup (see below). I also have a sliced apple, and more water.

By about 2:30/3:00 I'm ready for another snack, which usually consists of a sliced pear, a cup of Caffeine Free Original Good Earth Tea, and sometimes popcorn (94% fat free Jollytime). I'd like to start popping my own popcorn and avoid all the preservatives that are surely in the store-bought low-calorie popcorn. Need to look into this....

DINNER
"These are hard times. The world hurts. We live in fear and forget to walk with hope. But hope has not forgotten you. So ask it to dinner. It's probably hungry and would appreciate the invitation." — Libba Bray (Going Bovine)

Dinner is the most exciting meal of the day for me, because it's where I get to be the most creative in the kitchen. I LOVE cooking dinner. I love planning a week's worth of dinners, shopping for the best and most affordable ingredients, and seeing how far I can stretch my grocery budget. The feeling of satisfaction I get from sitting down to a freshly prepared meal with my family every night is one of the best moments of my day.

On Sundays, after what is usually a busy weekend (they all are, for us...), I like to make a big pot of soup, "Sunday Soup". I have this book and this book which are chock full of great soup recipes. A favorite is a very easy minestrone that uses tomato juice as a base and is loaded with good veggies and whole wheat pasta. I've been making this roasted tomato soup with rosemary for years and never get tired of it. I'm quite proud of my matzoh ball soup (I use the Manichewitz mix, but also my own chicken stock and chicken and load it with veggies. My matzoh balls are floaters...as they should be). Our new favorite soup is this Avgolomeno from Time for Dinner, (my new favorite cookbook). I received this beautiful soup crock for Christmas from my in-laws and it makes Sunday Soup so pretty!On Tuesday nights, my mom brings dinner for us and it's the BEST THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!! She started doing this for me when I first went back to work after having Sadie, and since she's at our house watching Sadie on Tuesdays, it works out pretty well. Tuesday nights are when I go to my Weight Watchers meeting, so it's also nice because I get home later on those nights and Brian just has to throw my mom's food in the oven. Just having dinner taken care of this one night a week is such a luxury. I will never be able to adequately thank my mother for this thoughtful gesture but I hope she knows how very much we appreciate her for this! Not to mention that my mom is the best cook I know....

On Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights I cook dinner, or Brian and I collaborate on dinner. A lot of nights, I'll get things started and then he'll finish up because I'm busy playing with Sadie. Brian also does the dishes almost every single night, which gives me more time with Sadie before her bedtime. Some of my favorite go-to weeknight recipes are this healthy jambalaya, fritattas (eggs with whatever veggies are around and sometimes potatoes), roasted or grilled veggies with brown rice or whole wheat pasta (I have this grill wok which I love) portabella mushroom fajitas, roast chicken, homemade spaghetti sauce, breakfast for dinner (eggs, corn tortillas, green chiles, avocado, cilantro and oven baked homfries), and sausage and peppers over polenta. Recently we tried a couple meals we really like including bacon/avocado/tomato sandwiches, and a mexican-style brown rice casserole (with homemade refried beans, corn, spinach and green chiles). I love the beans and toast recipe from Time for Dinner for a quick 5-minute dinner. Special dinners for Friday and Saturday nights include meatloaf and potatoes, and homemade pizza. We also have a lot of great restaurants in Castle Rock that we like to save for special occasions.

Other notes about dinner...

• My mom buys a bushel or more of fresh roasted green chiles for us from a Hispanic part of Denver every fall. The freezer is full of small baggies of these chiles and we go through about a bag a week. We add them to everything!
• We also are lucky enough to purchase (or have gifted) an 1/8th of an organic, grass-fed, free-range, local cow every fall. The meat is VERY lean and preservative free and I feel great using this as our main source of meat. We probably use a pound or two of ground beef a week but also eat vegetarian meals several nights a week.
  
• We all have a glass of skim milk with dinner (including Sadie).
  
• Dinner with a toddler is not peaceful, slow, or productive most nights in our house. It can sometimes be a very frustrating part of the day for the whole family. Sadie doesn't usually eat a lot at dinnertime, which we really don't worry about too much. We figure, if she's hungry, she'll eat. But she doesn't want US to eat, either, which is not o.k. I think we've finally taught her that she needs to wait until Mama is done eating before she can insist that I get up and play with her. She still wants to spend most of dinnertime climbing on the dining room table, the kitchen island, or the backs of the chairs...all unsafe activities at this point. We're continuing to try to find creative ways to to make it through the dinner hour with our sense of humor intact, possibly while having at least a minute or two of adult conversation, without all ending up screaming at each other or crying, without breaking any limbs, and without having to wolf our food down in seconds flat in order to avoid disaster. I'll keep you posted on our progress.....
  

Feeling Cleansed

So, preparation for that big test I talked about below was a great excuse to fall very hard off the Health Wagon. I justified bad nutritional behavior for several months as I studied, studied, studied. Chocolate donuts and Pepsi on the way to work at 5: 30 a.m.? Definitely! Decompress after working and studying with several beers every night? Of course! No time to grocery shop or cook? That's o.k., just drive a couple miles down the road and eat one of these delicious burgers! Need an hourly break from studying?...go buy a bag of candy AND a chocolate bar! Why not??

I very easily fell back into some bad habits...too much sugar, caffeine, and alcohol, and OVEREATING galore. Needless to say, my body was not thanking me for it. I had been feeling so unhealthy, really just disgusting, and was feeling like I needed to do something to get myself back on track.
Along with a couple friends, I've embarked on a 30-day "cleanse" of sorts. I'm not ingesting only lemon juice and cayenne pepper or taking any expensive, nutritional supplements, but I have eliminated a lot of things from my diet that were causing me to feel so unhealthy. I'm halfway through the 30-day challenge, and have successfully removed the following things from my diet:

refined sugar
white flour
caffeine
alcohol
dairy
meat

That leaves me with whole grains, fruits, vegetables, legumes, eggs, nuts, water, and herbal tea. That's literally all I've put in my mouth since October 11th. And I feel great!! What a good change this has been for me. I'm usually a very healthy eater, but I do have bad habits that I fall back into during times of stress or laziness.

This challenge has done so much for my mind and body. My energy level is more consistent throughout the day now that I am not drinking coffee every single morning. I'm sleeping well every night. I'm drinking LOTS of water. My skin is healthy. I've lost weight. I'm meal planning and cooking again, which I LOVE to do. I'm trying new, creative recipes which makes cooking even more exciting. I'm not overeating; I'm truly listening to my body, and stopping when I'm satisfied (not full, just satisfied). I'm spending a lot less on groceries. And most importantly, I'm sharing this healthy food with my family!

Some of my favorite dinners over the past few weeks:

vegetarian chili
homemade refried beans with roasted green chilis and whole wheat tortillas
minestrone with whole wheat pasta
spaghetti squash with mushroom ragu
acorn squash stuffed with barley, apples, and onions
roasted vegetables with whole wheat pasta
vegetable stir fry with brown rice
butternut squash stir fry with cilantro, onions, and coconut milk
mushroom barley soup
grilled veggie kabobs

I've also started having green smoothies again several mornings a week, which is a habit I'm really happy to be getting back to. Lunch is usually leftovers from dinner the night before. Snacks include cucumbers and hummus, hard-boiled eggs, and lots of fruit. My "dessert" most nights is a banana with natural peanut butter, a handful of almonds, and herbal tea.

I won't pretend that this has been easy for me. The hardest thing at first was to give up coffee. I didn't go cold turkey, though, because I've seen what that does to me (angry voices in my head, seriously). So I weaned myself off the coffee gradually. The thing that's been hardest to let go of over the two weeks is alcohol. I don't drink copious amounts of alcohol in one sitting, but I do enjoy drinking wine with dinner, or having a cold beer while I cook dinner. Lots of activities we do usually incorporate alcohol (concerts, band practice, football games, etc.)

But even though it's been hard, I'm so happy to be making these changes right now. It's amazing how much your nutrition affects every aspect of your life. Although I will probably start drinking coffee and alcohol again after the 30 days are over (I have to hold on to some bad habits!), and I will occasionally indulge in a cheeseburger or yummy dessert, I plan to continue eating mostly within these limits because I know how good it is for me and my family.