Busy busy!

I have so much blogging to catch up on!  We have been having so many lovely things happening since my most recent post.  Our last house concert of the season, Thanksgiving trip to Florida, and all the exciting holiday happenings...but I have no idea when I will actually have time to blog about them.  I'll get to it eventually.  In the meantime, these are some of my favorite things I've come across on the interweb recently.  Definitely reaching out for positive, beautiful, powerful, touching, funny stuff in light of all the horrible shit that has been going on in this country lately.  So, here it is, a little dose of love, laughter, and inspiration:

26 moments that restored our faith in humanity this year

this amazing video

I love that this mainstream commercial shows a woman breastfeeding in public.  Progress!

my favorite song from the Sufjan Stevens christmas collection

Gratitude

image credit

Thursday, January 19, 2012 was the last day I nursed Sadie! That makes for 1066 days (or 2 years, 11 months, 2 days).....

Wow, nearly three years. What a journey.

My overwhelming feeling when I think about my breastfeeding relationship with my daughter is gratitude.

I feel so thankful that I was able to nurse my baby right away without any real difficulties. That I had the support I needed in the beginning. That I knew to reach out to non-traditional resources when I had questions or struggled along the way. That my resolve never wavered.

I feel thankful that I was able to leave the house, go out to dinner, travel to other states, go on long car rides, go to concerts and festivals, and go hiking without ever having to pack up a bottle. Wow am I thankful for the portability of a breastfeeding baby!

I feel thankful that my work supports breastfeeding mothers. That blinds were put on the window to my office before I even returned to work so that I had a comfortable place to pump every few hours. That I felt comfortable enough to tell my field work crews that I needed to leave the job site for a while to go pump somewhere in my truck. That I was able to feed my baby ONLY my breastmilk for the first year of her life, even after going back to work.

I feel thankful that I opened the eyes of my family and friends to the benefits of breasfeeding. That people who I never would have guessed would handle it well eventually became used to me discreetly nursing Sadie while eating at a restaurant or anywhere else...if that meant we could all have a nice peaceful dinner together...why not?

I feel thankful that I was never publicly chided or made to feel uncomfortable for nursing in public. That I was never subjected to the humiliation that many nursing mothers are for simply feeding their children in front of strangers.

I feel overwhelming gratitude for the other committed nursing mamas in my life. That I always had someone to call or email with questions. That some of these mamas nursed well past what is generally accepted in American society and supported me in my journey as I passed Sadie's first and second birthdays with no end in sight. That I had other mamas I could talk to about how I believe nursing IS THE BEST thing you can do for your baby. That I could be a militant breastfeeding mama in front of these women and not have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings. That when I nursed Sadie for the last time, I had dear friends that I could immediately reach out to for support. That they gave me the best advice ever which helped me get through those first few days after we were done nursing (on a physical and emotional level).

I will forever be thankful for my loving husband's support through this journey. That he understood my devotion to nursing from day one. That he figured out very quickly that when I said I need water in those early months...I MEANT IT! That he still made me feel beautiful even when I felt like a milk cow in those early months. That he was always proud and unabashedly supportive of me nursing Sadie whenever and wherever it was needed. That he truly understood the great healthy start I was giving our daughter. That he was able to expand his mindset along with me as we realized that Sadie would be nursing well into (and through) toddlerhood.

I feel so lucky that my breastfeeding relationship with Sadie ended in a way that was true to my mothering style and honored the importance of nursing for both me and Sadie. As soon as Sadie neared two years old, I could sense how I wanted this to end. I knew in my heart that what would be best for her was to wait until she could understand. I wanted to be able to talk to her about stopping nursing and to have a conversation with her about how we both felt about it. Starting about six months ago, I would occasionally tell Sadie that when she turned three we probably wouldn't nurse anymore. At the time, this would make her very upset, so I didn't talk about it very often. And that showed me that she wasn't ready.

About two months ago, I started to feel like she might actually be ready by three. It's amazing how much she's grown up in the last three months! The night before our last night of nursing I told Sadie that pretty soon, she'd be three, and she'd be such a big girl that we wouldn't be nursing anymore. We talked a little bit about how that would make us both sad, but that we'd still be able to snuggle and sing songs every night. She snuggled up to me but eventually asked to nurse.

The next night I told Sadie about the plan that I'd been hatching for a while. I explained that when she was ready, we'd start filling out a sticker chart for her. And every night that she went to sleep without nursing, she'd get to choose a new sticker in the morning. And when the whole chart was filled up, she would get to go to the movies! (she'd never been to a movie before) I expected that we'd still talk about it for a few weeks...but I thought wrong! As soon as I presented this incentive, she told me she didn't want to nurse anymore, snuggled up to sing songs, and went right to sleep. As I lay there next to her, I tried to remember nursing her to sleep the night before, in case it never happened again. I wanted to remember every part of it. I kissed Sadie good night and went downstairs crying. And that was the last time. Although I was sad that night, it didn't last. I don't miss nursing. I don't miss the closeness (because we still snuggle and are very physical). I don't feel like it ended too early. I feel very much at peace with how things ended, and I believe that Sadie does too.

I truly believe that my breastfeeding relationship with my daughter is the foundation for helping me become the mother that I am today. The ability to nourish my baby with only what my body can provide has truly taught me the magic and amazing power that I have as a woman. I feel endless gratitude that through my breastfeeding relationship with Sadie, I have come to understand the miracle of motherhood!

Just Thought I'd Share...

bluemilk's post. Because it's great.

I Make Milk, What's Your Superpower?

Yep, Sadie and I are still breastfeeding. Mostly happily.
As soon as I decided that I would be a breastfeeding mama, I knew that I would be very committed to it. I believe so strongly in the benefits of this relationship for both mamas and babies. I believe that this is the single most important gift I have given my child, to date.

And it certainly hasn't always been easy. As a full-time working mother, it was a serious commitment and sacrifice to maintain my milk supply in those early days. I laugh when I think about some of the ridiculous situations in which I pumped. (covered in mud, hunched down in my truck, while an all-male drill crew worked just out of sight comes to mind...).

I think I always intended to nurse until Sadie turned two. That's the recommendation of the World Health Organization, other respected pediatric groups, Sadie's pediatrician, and some other nursing mamas I know. But I never really thought about what that meant. I guess I just thought we would magically be done when Sadie turned two. Then when Sadie started to near her second birthday, it became clear that if I was really determined to be done, it wasn't going to be easy. At all. I reached out to the very few women I know who nursed past their child's first birthday. And I started paying more attention to Sadie and what her needs/wants are when it comes to nursing. I told Sadie's pediatrician (who is very breastfeeding supportive) that I was "in no hurry" but that I was interested in moving in the direction of weaning. His advice to me was a common saying when it comes to gently weaning toddlers, "Don't Offer, Don't Refuse". Sounds reasonable, right?

Well, let me just tell you that I never offer. Never. I don't get the chance to really. The minute I walk in the door after work, before a hug and kiss, Sadie asks to nurse. And she's VERY insistent about it. She will not take no for an answer.

It's true that Sadie does not NEED to nurse anymore, from a nutritional standpoint. But that doesn't mean she doesn't need to nurse anymore. What I know in my heart is that this is her best way to reconnect with me after missing each other all day. I don't see Sadie before I go to work in the morning...so when I get home from work, we've been apart for 22 hours :(. And she knows that when we are nursing, I am 100% focused on her and it is a special time for us to be physically and emotionally close.

Sadie is also a sensitive little one who is very attached to her mama, and I believe that she benefits greatly from the comfort and security that nursing brings. I also know that it is my very best (and easiest) tool to help her calm down when she is upset, angry, or hurt. It is a very important part of our bedtime routine, and although she has no problem going to sleep for her dad or her grandparents, if I'm the one putting her to sleep, we both love having that time to snuggle in close and quiet down from the business of the day.

But there are also times that I am ready, READY, to be done. It's not always sweet and comforting for me. There are times that my body and its particular hormonal state that day are not in the mood to nurse. There are times, like last week, when I came home from a long after-work run, sweatier than I've ever been in my life, and all Sadie wanted to do was nurse. I literally had to peel my sports bra off of me and get in the shower while listening to her scream for 20 minutes because I absolutely just couldn't bring myself to nurse until I'd washed all the sweat and grime off my body. And then there are times when I find myself feeling self-conscious about nursing Sadie.

When Sadie was younger, I had absolutely no qualms about nursing in public. I nursed her discreetly while eating with friends in a busy restaurant, at concerts and festivals, in front of her great-grandparents at the dinner table, on the airplane, and while walking around my neighborhood. I'm so thankful that unlike many, many women in this country, I was never chided for it or asked to leave a public place. I also like to think that through these actions I've made some formerly squeamish friends and family members more comfortable with breastfeeding and helped them to realize that it's a perfectly natural way to nourish your baby and is absolutely not something that must be done in private.

But....now that Sadie's a bit older and I'm the only person in my immediate group of family and friends who has nursed to this age, I'm more aware of when and where I nurse Sadie. Unlike some toddlers, Sadie doesn't often insist on nursing when we're in public. She tends to get distracted and excited about whatever activity we're engaged in and it doesn't cross her mind. If we are in someone's home, I can usually say, o.k., it's time to go have some quiet time, and we'll find a quiet place to nurse.

A couple weekends ago, though, we were camping with several other couples. A couple of the mamas, their kids, and Sadie and I were sitting around the campfire when Sadie asked to nurse. I mostly felt comfortable nursing in front of these women, but they are relatively new friends and I don't really know how they feel about breastfeeding. I wasn't sure how I felt about nursing in front of these womens' husbands, but could have talked myself into getting over that. The thing that gave me the most pause, was that I was nervous about the reaction of Sadie's three-year old playmate and the other kiddos. I've never seen it as my job to "teach" other people, through example, about breastfeeding. But I do know that when I nurse in front of people who are not familiar or comfortable, that it can be a good learning experience. I guess I just didn't feel up to it that day.

I ended up finding a beautiful, quiet spot in the woods where Sadie and I nursed and then spent some more time listening to the birds and talking about what we saw in the trees. And that was a more relaxing, special moment anyway, than if we were trying to nurse in the midst of the whole group. But I've found myself mulling over the feelings I experienced in that situation.

Later during that same camping trip, when the entire group was sitting around camp, somehow Brian got around to telling a story about Sadie asking to nurse. The gist of it was describing what I mentioned before, how when I walk in the door that's the only thing she wants to do. Like I said, these were somewhat new friends, and I wasn't sure if they were all aware that Sadie still nurses at the age of 2 1/2. In a way, it was nice that Brian was just getting that information out there in the open. At the same time, I felt a bit shy about him telling everyone this so casually. But I know that was just my natural instinct to be private about something that is not that common in our society.

But as I've thought about that moment several times over the past couple weeks, the overall feeling I end up with is pride in my husband. I'm so proud and thankful that he feels no shame or embarrassment about this (he shouldn't!). In a way, I think he's proud of the fact that our family still has a nursing toddler. I think he likes that it makes us a bit different from other friends in this regard. That attitude from him helps remind me to snap out of it when I'm feeling self-conscious or shy about our nursing.

And after all, this parenting thing is teamwork. Although my nursing relationship with Sadie is mostly about the two of us, Brian is and always has been a part of the relationship too. I absolutely could not have made it this far without Brian's support and encouragement.

So, now what? Well, that I can't answer yet. I've clearly flown right past the two year mark and see no end in sight. I have started talking to Sadie about nursing in a way she can understand. While she screamed at me when I was in the shower last week I continued to explain to her that when she acts that way it doesn't make me want to nurse. I try to limit our nursing to when I get home from work and before bed (and in the morning when I'm there). I enforce and insist upon nursing "manners". And I'm taking it day by day.

I'm also educating myself about the concepts of child-led weaning. Child-led weaning means trusting your child and having confidence that your child knows what she needs. It means trusting yourself enough to ignore a society that claims to know your child better than you do. I'm reminding myself about the benefits of nursing past infancy. I'm rereading this great book. And I'm taking a deep breath, relaxing, looking into my daughters beautiful blue eyes, and reveling in the joy and beauty of this relationship.