Rachel's Favorite Things

Backward and Forward: Fitness and Health

2012-01-30T09:20:00.006-07:00

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2011 was quite possibly the biggest year of my life as far as fitness and health are concerned. I've written about my journey here, here, here, here, and blogged about my training and running of my first half marathon here. I am absolutely a different woman than I was 12 months ago and I won't be looking back.

For the first time since I was a high school athlete, exercise is a BIG part of my life. I've somehow turned into one of those people who get cranky if they don't get their scheduled workouts in for the week. Exercise has joined work and family at the top of my priority list.

The list of ways I benefit from frequent and vigorous exercise is extensive, but my favorites are:

The way I feel: my body is stronger than it's ever been as an adult. Even on the days when I am SO sore from a hard workout, I remind myself how good this exercise is for my heart, my muscles, my bones, and every other part of my body.
The way I look: even though I still have about 10 pounds to lose before getting to my goal weight, my body is more toned than it's ever been as an adult.
Energy level: The first few months of early morning workouts weren't easy and I was so tired all day at work. But now that I'm used to it, I actually find that I have better energy to get me through my workday.
Community: I love that after a year of taking the same boot camp class 3 days a week with the same group of women, I feel a stronger sense of community. I love running into these ladies when I'm out and about in my town. Sweating it out at 6 a.m. can really bring people together.
SLEEP!!!!! Getting up at 5:15 a.m. four or more days a week to workout before I commute to work is not at all easy. I have it down to a science to where I barely have to open my eyes to get myself out the door. I shower and get ready for work at the gym, which isn't ideal. BUT...when I finally sit down at the end of the day after putting Sadie to bed, doing my daily chores, and getting everything ready for the next day, I am EXHAUSTED! I usually make it less than an hour before I'm headed upstairs to bed and it often takes me less than 5 minutes to fall asleep. As a lifelong insomniac, this is by far the very best reason for me to get up and exercise every day. I have never in my life slept so well, so consistently. It's heavenly. And being a well rested person most of the time makes me a better employee, wife, and mother. It all comes back to sleep, really.

So. For 2012. I'm going to continue pushing myself physically. I don't want to lose the momentum I've gained during 2011. I'm currently taking part in a challenge with my boot camp to complete half Iron Man distances during training over the next three weeks (actually the rest of my class is doing full Iron Man distances). In order to continue going to class three days a week, AND get 13.1 miles running, 1.2 miles swimming, and 56 miles of biking in, I'll be working out 6 days a week. I think that's bit excessive for the long term, but for a three week period, I think this will be just what I need to work off the holiday pounds I packed on, to increase my strength and endurance, and to help me FINALLY get to my goal weight.

Not sure what comes after that. I will definitely be doing the Bolder Boulder 10K race again, and will hopefully do some other races over the spring and summer. Not sure if I'll set my sights on another half marathon or maybe a triathalon. To be determined....

I can't finish up this post without talking about the scheduling of exercise in my busy life. I absolutely couldn't be making any of this work without my amazing co-parent. Brian and I have gotten to a place where exercise is important to both of us, so we're constantly trying to figure out how we can support each other in making time for our workouts. I'm thankful that we both see the benefits of exercise and can help each other reach our goals.

Backward and Forward: For Fun

2012-01-12T08:52:00.004-07:00

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This is an easy one.....

2011 was a very fun year for me! My favorite fun things in 2011 included house concerts, festivals, dinner parties, girls' weekends, and all my many hobbies.

In 2012, I want to do the following things for fun:

contra dancing: I did a bit of contra dancing when I lived in Fairbanks, AK and LOVED it as much as I loved square dancing as a kid. Hoping to find a night out with my hubby (that may be a stretch) or a friend, to attend a contra dance or two.
hula hooping: I want to make and decorate my own pretty hoop (and one for Sadie too), and as soon as the weather gets nice, spend some time outside every day hooping, dancing, and working my abs!

Backward and Forward: Money Is A Good Servant, But A Bad Master....

2012-01-05T20:15:00.003-07:00

This is the first in a series of blog posts I plan to do as we head into 2012. I'm going to devote each post over the next couple weeks to one area of my life. I'm planning to reflect on 2011, and look forward for 2012 in the following categories: personal, professional, spiritual, marriage, family, fitness/health, home, fun/hobbies, financial. I just thought this would be a fun way for me to set some personal goals for myself this year, and figured I might as well share it here, on my online journal.

First up: Finances....

image credit

We are absolutely right on track with where we want to be right now. Brian and I had a big year, financially. We successfully stuck to our cash-only budgeting system for all of 2011. Using a cash-only budget changed our lives in a big way. (quick explanation: we still use checks to pay bills, but we take out the same amount of cash every Thursday night, and that's all the money we have to spend on gas, groceries, drinks, entertainment, eating out, shopping at Target, etc...until the following week. When the money's gone, we don't spend any more. Ever. )I can count on one hand the amount of times I exceeded my $100/week grocery budget...and this was wildly exciting to me every time I left the grocery store! With the exception of a few unusual weeks (travel, weddings, holidays, etc.), we did not stray from our spending budget very often. And when we did, we discussed it first, and planned ahead for it.

This major change in our spending habits allowed us to comfortably chip away more and more at our debt, and I'm happy to report that we are debt free in 2012 (with the exception of our mortgage)! In 2011, as a couple, we learned to spend within our means, stick to our budget, plan ahead for special occasions, and how to live with less. It may have taken us 5 years of marriage to get a handle on our finances, but it sure feels good to be in control now. I think we both feel incredibly empowered by the financial changes and successes we had in 2011.

In 2012, we plan to move forward with our long-term financial planning (retirement, college saving, and buying land someday)! We are both doing well at work and being rewarded for it financially, but that hasn't changed our spending habits much at all. Any extra income from here on out will be saved or invested.

Looking forward to a new chapter in our financial lives now that we are out from under the debt we have known for a long time.

Celebrations

2012-01-02T11:33:00.001-07:00

We had such a busy holiday season, and although I'm feeling glad that it's over, we had such fun.

Since we were home throughout this season, we splurged on a real tree this year. Sadie wasn't so excited about the visit to the boy scout's tree lot in the middle of a blizzard, but she loved the reward of hot chocolate at our local diner afterward. We had such a great day listening to Christmas music and decorating. We had a holiday appetizer extravaganza with my family, including my Aunt Shirley, at my parents' house on December 11.

On December 16 and 17, we celebrated Christmas with my family at my parents' house, and included all my favorite Ingersoll family traditions: crepe Suzettes for breakfast, bagels and lox for lunch, a big beautiful Christmas dinner, and a long, drawn-out gift exchange. Hot tub time for me and Sadie, lots of crazy dogs, and a walk around the circle. Just lovely.

The following week, we started lighting the candles each night for Chanukah, which Sadie loved being a part of. And on the winter solstice, we had our own celebration for the three of us. Our tradition has started to include chinese takeout, a movie, and simple gift exchange. It was simple and meaningful, and just what we wanted. Handmade, local soaps and goodies for me....a new cast-iron skillet, and a big stack of books! A record player and pile of handpicked records for my sweetie. Princess shoes and a train set for Sadie (love the juxtaposition in this photo....)On Christmas Eve Eve, last minute plans to have our neighbors and dear friends over for dinner fell through, but dinner was cooked and the table was set, so my parents joined us for an impromptu dinner party. Any excuse to use my pretty china makes me happy.....Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were spent with the Petersons. It was SO nice to have an entire weekend with them. I love the beautiful candlelight Christmas Eve service we attend, and of course I enjoyed all the delicious food cooked by my mother-in-law. What a treat to have our friends and their precious new baby, Grayson, join us for Christmas dinner.
Yes, I am glad that it's all over...I'm ready to get back to my healthy lifestyle after all the extravagance of the season. I'm ready to focus on work again now that I'll be working full weeks. And I'm ready to get back into the rhythm of daily life in our family. But it was a perfectly wonderful holiday season and I feel so grateful for all the family and friends our lives are filled with, and so thankful that we get to celebrate with them this time of year...we are truly lucky.

Fashion Sense

2011-12-20T09:46:00.000-07:00

The Season

2011-12-16T09:20:00.008-07:00

This holiday season really snuck up on me this year, and it seems like everyone I know is feeling the same way. Like one week was magically removed from the calendar and we're all scrambling to catch up and get everything done in time.

And yet, I've managed to maintain my goal of recent years of keeping things simple and inexpensive (relatively). I've found that I am more mentally at peace going into holiday celebrations (and all the commercialism and "stuff" that inevitably comes along with them), if I have done my part to stay local and handmade in my gift giving.
And although I didn't seem to have the time to handmake many of my own gifts this year (as I have in years past), I ordered most gifts online from local merchants and stuck to handmade items for the most part. That kept me out of the traffic and the malls, which always seem to make me cranky about the whole gift-giving endeavor....

I revised my plans for our holiday card when we all fell ill the day we were supposed to have our pictures taken and ordered a card with a picture of Sadie from this fall.

Brian and I collaborated on putting together our annual holiday CD (a tradition of mine for nearly a decade now) and somehow managed to get it done in time. Long gone are the days of drinking Bloody Marys all morning and making the CD together while listening to our entire music collection. This year it was more about emails back and forth and each of us working on it a little bit while the other was out and about or at work. But it got done, and we're loving it. Hope our friends and family will too.

This morning I sent off the last of our holiday packages, and by getting to the post office before they opened, avoided the hours-long line that many experience this time of year.

I've already experienced some holiday events that have put me in the mood for celebrating, namely our annual bookclub holiday party (with husbands), and our annual high tea at the Brown Palace. And what a treat it was for Sadie to join us for the first time. The magic of this event was heightened even more by her participation and wonder.
And now that nearly everything is crossed off my to-do lists, I'm ready to celebrate. I'm so happy that I've made it through all these holiday tasks with minimal stress. Now I can enter into the remainder of the season with a clear mind and heart and open myself up to what these celebrations are really about. I am so excited to settle in with my loved ones with a warm drink to savor the season. Delicious food (the cooking and the eating), music, fireplaces, twinkling lights, and friends and family. Bring it on...I'm ready, and I can't wait.

Florida trip

2011-12-10T15:53:00.001-07:00

Too busy, or tired, or distracted to write eloquently about my recent trip to Florida for the Thanksgiving holiday, but I have some great pictures to share.

Sadie and I traveled alone to Florida to add a few days to the trip. It was fun traveling together, just the two of us. And Sadie did REALLY well on the airplane.

We spent a few amazingly relaxing and calm days at the beach with my parents, consisting of delicious meals out, unstructured playtime on the beach with a few Florida family members, TV and reading with Mom at night, and a dolphin watching expedition!

Our first Peckett family Thanksgiving Day 10K run and 5K walk were a great success! And Brian won the race!

Thanksgiving was lovely as usual. What a nice treat to be able to eat the big meal outdoors, at a table all together, in the gorgeous 75 degree weather.

Visit to the new, fabulous Children's Museum in Tampa.

Boat trip on the Gulf of Mexico with the entire family. Best day ever.

Cousins in the bath. Just like their mamas used to do...

Sadie's enthralled with the horses....

What a great trip....the fact that it was so perfect continues to make coming back to work that much harder....

Lonesome Traveler

2011-12-06T15:53:00.001-07:00

Our last house concert of the season was with a great, local bluegrass band, Lonesome Traveler. Every season, we like to host at least one full band to our house concert series, and although we've had a lot of musicians from all over the country play, we strive to also support local musicians whenever we can.
We had a great crowd for the night, and were so thrilled to meet all the band members. Good people, good food, and great music. Exactly why we love this house concert thing....
Thank you Lonesome Traveler for sharing your music and your friendship!

We're taking a house concert break for the holidays, but we'll be back at it in March and are already really excited for the spring lineup:

Saturday, March 10: The Atomic Duo
Saturday, April 14: Dr. Harlan's Amazing Bluegrass Tonic
May house concert: TBA

Big Steps

2011-11-29T15:52:00.004-07:00

Big stuff happening in our little one's world....

Sadie is no longer wearing diapers! (except at night...). She took to using the toilet (pardon me while I use the word potty from here on out...it's become second nature. Ugh, that word, used by adults, used to bug the hell out of me. Look at me now...). Anyway, Sadie took to using the potty like a champ. The first day we decided we were going to give this whole thing a go, she was done. Done with diapers during the day and during naps. We've used potties in restaurants, stores, friends' houses, in airplanes, and on boats. She especially loves to pee outdoors (that's my daughter...) and will sometimes go in the backyard to pee. Whatever floats your boat, kid....

Sadie's big-girl bed is on its way into her life as well and we're hoping to have it ready to go by the holidays. The fact that she climbs in and out of her crib to turn on the fan, grab a book, change her clothes, etc. should be our first clue that she's well past ready. Thinking that the diaper at night will end along with the new bed.

She may not have much hair, but she's sure growing up fast....

Mike Compton House Concert

2011-11-28T10:20:00.000-07:00

October 22, 2011 was a big night for us Petersons and for our little house concert series. We were so thrilled, excited, and nervous to have Mike Compton join us for a house concert.

Mike is an absolute legend in the bluegrass/folk/acoustic music world, and is a master of the mandolin. He's worked with nearly everyone in the industry, including some biggies like Bill Monroe, John Hartford, David Grier, and the Nashville Bluegrass Band. He was also a big part of the success of the O Brother, Where Art Thou? soundtrack and the associated Down from the Mountain concert tour and album.

Well, there's a reason for all the accolades he's received and success he's had.....he's a damn good mandolin picker!!! One of the best ever, in our opinion. And for some reason, he jumped at the chance to come play in our living room. Wow, was that a big day when I called Mike up and worked out the details. Needless to say, we'd been looking forward to this show for quite a long time...

And it was one of our best ever. Mike's playing was SO good and clean and fast and interesting and AMAZING! Videos of some of our favorites from the night are here, here, and here.

And what a gracious and humble man he is. We loved visiting with him before the show, and especially had fun hearing stories afterward over drinks about how he met and started playing with John Hartford and others.

We packed the house more than we ever have (over 70 people I think...it was hard to keep track). It was so fun to meet more local like-minded music fans who seemed to come out of the woodwork for the chance to see Mike in such an intimate setting. And the jam afterward was the biggest yet! And almost all mandolin pickers....fancy that.

The best line of the night, by far, is when Mike summed up his feelings about music by saying, "I can't hardly live without it".

We feel exactly the same way, Mike. Thank you for sharing yours with us. It was an honor and a pleasure.

This week

2011-11-11T10:20:00.009-07:00

image credit: College For Us

This week has gone really well. I had a successful weigh-in on Tuesday; I was down 2.2 pounds from the previous week's big, ugly gain. My diligence paid off! I used the success as motivation to keep it up this week. And knowing that this weekend will present another three days of challenges, I knew I needed to keep things in check this week.

Tuesday night Brian and I only cooked half a box of pasta. We used to put down an entire box (1 pound of pasta!) by ourselves, no problem. We don't do that anymore. We could if we let ourselves, though...

Wednesday I had lunch plans at my favorite Jewish deli. I like to order the 6" tall (seriously) corned beef sandwich with egg salad. But I didn't. I planned ahead and knew before I walked in the door that I would order a bowl of beef barley soup (with a matzoh ball in it for good measure), and a mini bagel with cream cheese and lox (cream cheese on the side). The meal was yummy and I left feeling full. Dinner was a bit lighter after a heavier lunch.

Thursday night I had movie plans with friends. I skipped dinner at Chilis (in favor of a healthy dinner at home), had one small glass of wine before the movie and didn't buy any candy at the theater. Good!

Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings I went to the rec center and worked hard.

Today the challenges start. Tonight we'll be going out for Thai food. Tomorrow night's sure-to-be-awesome house concert potluck and accompanying beer drinking will take some self-control. Sunday, it's another baby shower and I'm sure there will be lots of lovely, delicious food. So....

I'm going into the weekend planning for success. I'll plan ahead as much as possible. I'll make a responsible choice at dinner tonight, I'll have ONE (and only one) plate of food at the potluck and not pick over the leftovers at the end of the night, and I'll only eat smart portions of food I really like a the baby shower (rather than eating everything offered, just because it's there).

Checking In

2011-11-07T08:28:00.000-07:00

Last week went well after my previous post. I tracked (journaled) my food and activity each day, and stayed on track with my choices and portions. I felt great going into the weekend, and did a lot of visualizing about making smart choices during several challenging events this weekend.

My results over the weekend were mixed.

Friday night: challenge #1: no dinner plans, dinner out. Response: We went to our local mexican restaurant and I ordered the Sopa Tlalpeno..chicken soup with potatoes and garbanzo beans. I know this is a low-point option at this restaurant, and it's filling. I limited the tortilla chips I ingested before our dinner came (and turned down the repeated offers to refill the basket). I ate one slice of Sadie's quesadilla (1/6th of an entire quesadilla). Overall, felt good about my choices and actions.
challenge #2: baking killer cookies for Saturday baby shower. Response: I did not inhale cookie dough while cooking (just a couple small bites). Did not have ANY cookies that night.

Saturday: challenge: baby shower at my house with lots of yummy food. Response: I ate small portions of the more fattening things and larger portions of the fruit and veggies. Ate a few bites of the cake and only a couple killer cookies. Kept drinking in control. Overall, felt good about my choices and actions.

Sunday: challenge #1: lunch out and about. We went to Qdoba and I ate a small bowl of the Mexican Gumbo and a few bites of Sadie's quesadilla. Felt good about my choices and actions.
challenge #2: White Fence Farm dinner with friends. I'm not a big fan of fried chicken (which is what this restaurant is famous for), so I knew going into it that I would order the roast turkey dinner. Overall, not thrilled with my choices and actions. I ate way too much of the sides (coleslaw, fritters, etc) and kept eating even when I wasn't hungry anymore. Didn't track everything since I don't remember everything I ate.

I came out of the weekend feeling relatively positive about how things went. Although I acted on some bad habits Sunday night, I feel happy that I didn't behave that way in all cases this weekend. I made good choices Friday and Saturday.

I went to the gym this morning and worked hard. After feeling so full and uncomfortable after last night's dinner, I packed a big bag of fruits, veggies, a hard-boiled egg, and cheese stick for lunch and snacks today. I'll eat well today, tonight and tomorrow and hope to have a positive change on the scale tomorrow!

Lessons learned:

Limiting what I ate during dinners out and the baby shower did not lessen my enjoyment of these events at all!
Quit eating Sadie's quesadillas!
Only eat quantities that you'll be able to remember afterward!

Halloween 2011

2011-11-04T11:31:00.001-06:00

Accountability

2011-11-03T15:52:00.005-06:00

I'm trying something new here. It's not going to be easy, but I think it's necessary. This blog is somewhat of a safe space for me. Partly because I'm not convinced that anyone other than my mother and my husband actually read what's written here. And also because it's easier to be brutally honest in this somewhat anonymous place called a blog.

So, it's time for some accountability in my life, and I'm using this blog as a way to mix it up a bit.

I LOVE to eat. I sometimes LOVE to overeat. I don't love how I feel while I'm overeating, or afterward, but I sometimes have no control over it (or at least it feels that way).

I've worked really hard over the past 5 years (through Weight Watchers and in other ways) to rein in my habit of overeating. I LOVE LOVE LOVE how healthy and empowered I feel when I am in control of my eating habits. But that doesn't mean I always stick to it. It is so hard from me to constantly be vigilant about my eating habits. Sometimes I just get tired of having to work so hard at it.

I hold myself accountable for staying away from bad habits by going to my Weight Watchers meetings. I know a lot of people lose the weight they want to lose and then stop going to meetings and stop actively participating in the program. I'll never be that person. I will probably go to Weight Watchers meetings for the rest of my life. Even when I FINALLY (someday) reach my goal weight. It's that accountability thing.

Anyway, I'm needing a new way to hold myself accountable for my actions, because I'm feeling a bit out of control right now. So I'm going to start discussing my eating habits and their consequences on my blog for a while. And I'll start with the hard part. And then hopefully continue to have positive changes to discuss here.

So here goes. The hard part.

I've been within 3 pounds of my weight goal for 6 months. These last few pounds have been so hard for me. I make a lot of excuses....but it's behavior like this week's that is the reason I've had so much trouble.

(By the way....let me say that I have no aspirations to be Hollywood-skinny. I don't even want to be considered skinny. I think that word is so misconstrued in our thin-obsessed culture. I just want to be healthy.)

So, back to my bad behavior....The last few weeks have been full of distractions from my regular routine, celebrations, ordering in, and dinners with friends. I went into this week already feeling pretty bad about what I've eaten and how I've behaved recently. Monday I opened the halloween candy as trick-or-treaters started arriving on our street. And before anyone came home, and before anyone saw me, I probably ate (inhaled is more like it) 8 pieces of halloween candy. And continued to eat candy in this way for the rest of the night. I was eating it so quickly I didn't even taste it or enjoy it. And I felt sick afterward.

On Tuesday, the day I usually press the reset button and get my habits back on track (and the day I weigh in each week), I started off the morning with a chocolate glazed donut. A bit later, I ate the healthy breakfast I'd packed. For lunch, instead of eating the healthy lunch I'd packed, I stopped and scarfed down not one, but two huge Lauer Kraut sandwiches. Completely unnecessary and gluttonous. I overate at dinner, but managed to only have one piece of halloween candy afterward. When my generous (and well-meaning) neighbor brought homemade chocolate chip cookies over yesterday, I ate three immediately, and another one when Sadie got home.

I'm not proud to admit any of this here. These are not the eating habits that are going to help me lose these last few pounds. These are not habits that help me feel in control. This makes me feel out of control and disgusting and unhealthy and sad. This is not what I want for myself.

So. Enough with the sad story. Time for positive talk from here on out. I think that documenting my struggles and successes here will help me snap myself out of this current slippery slope I feel I'm on. So. What have I done right in the midst of all this?

I have continued to go to the rec center three days a week and work very hard in my boot camp class. I like the way I look in the mirror. I'm stronger and more fit than I've ever been in my adult life, and I feel and look great.
I went to Weight Watchers and weighed in! Accountability! It wasn't pretty. I gained 5 pounds in one week. Embarrassing. But, if I hadn't gone, I would have continued on the wrong path...and the bad news from the scale is what has encouraged me to shake things up a bit and turn things around.
I went shopping (mostly unsuccessfully), and tried on several jackets, blouses, and sweaters. I automatically went for medium sized garments and found that those were all too big!!! I found that in most cases I needed a small! I can't remember the last time I bought a small anything! This was a good reminder of how far I've come in the past couple years with my weight loss. Even though I've fallen off track a bit recently, it doesn't diminish the successes I've had up until now!

I know that I will always struggle with my weight. I will always have to work hard to maintain a healthy weight. I will always have to fight against my tendency to binge and overeat and lose control. But I also know which I prefer. I prefer to be in control and healthy and energetic. I want to set a good example and be a good role model for my daughter about how to nourish yourself in a healthy way.

Recent Photos I Love

2011-10-20T10:29:00.006-06:00

Sadie at the circus. I had tears in my eyes watching her watching the show. It was great fun.

Sadie sleeping the day away in her silky pajamas. I'm pretty sure she was fighting off the 24-stomach bug that Brian and I were floored by the day before. She handled it quite well.

Sadie enjoying a beautiful fall day at the pumpkin patch for our annual family pumpkin outing.

Just Thought I'd Share...

2011-10-20T09:06:00.002-06:00

bluemilk's post. Because it's great.

Just Getting Started

2011-10-04T20:09:00.003-06:00

During these last few weeks of summer I've made pickles for the first time....
I picked A LOT of tomatoes from my garden and froze many of them to have later this winter...
And I made applesauce out of local apples (and plan to make some apple butter also..)
And I want to go even bigger next year. I'd like to pickle more than just cucumbers. I'd like to find myself a canning kit so I can make jam, can tomatoes (instead of freezing), and keep LOTS more applesauce.

Someday I'll have an entire pantry of canned goods from my very own big garden and a full root cellar. Yes I will! I can't wait....

L-O-V-E

2011-10-02T13:46:00.008-06:00

These two people are really in love. And now they're MARRIED!

They are my little brother (and only sibling), and my now (finally) official sister-in-law! I love these two people so much!!!

I'm just now blogging about their lovely wedding celebration...more than two months after the fact. Not because it wasn't the best week of the summer...(because it was), but simply because we've been going non-stop since then.

I couldn't have imagined a better way to celebrate these two people and their great friendship and love for each other. I'm never happier than when surrounded by all the people I love most in the world. It was so special to have not only my extended family, but friends of ours who have become close with Adam and Mari, and even my in-laws all together for the weekend.

And it was so wonderful to meet the rest of Mari's family. I love that I automatically have an entirely new branch of my family...and they are such lovely people!

But none more than Mari herself. I am so thankful that she is the woman my brother will be spending his life with. She is such a wonderful addition to our family and I look forward to becoming even closer with her as we all grow old together!

I won't get into the mayhem that happened during the actual wedding among my little family of three. Whether it was the over stimulation, the exhaustion, or the injured arm she was dealing with for 24 hours...Sadie was definitely needing her mama and no one else. Unfortunately for me, that meant that I was not as much a part of the wedding celebration as I wanted to be, and didn't get to visit with many of the people I was looking forward to seeing. Another motherhood lesson for the books....

I also won't get into the shape I was in the morning after the wedding. I made up for lost time after I knew that Sadie was safely sleeping after a VERY tough day for her (and her parents). Needless to say, I'm too old for that. The following day was rough. I deserved it.

But all that aside, the resounding sentiment of the weekend was that these two are perfect for each other. So true. They take care of and respect each other like no one else can and in exactly the way each of them needs.

They are loving, caring, fun souls and I'm so happy they've found each other. What I want most for my little brother is to have love in his life. And he does. What a beautiful thing.

music

2011-09-29T11:28:00.002-06:00

We certainly don't see as much live music these days as we did when we first met. Back then, I was working at the radio station and getting lots of free tickets to see bands we loved. We were young, didn't have many expenses, lived right in Denver, and most importantly, could function on much less sleep.

Sometimes I miss those days. But mostly I like being home on weeknights and hitting the sack around 10 p.m. after a quiet night on the couch with a book or some TV time.

But every once in a while we have a time period where we happen to see lots of live music in a short period of time, and it reminds me of those days. We've just been through one of those periods and it's been so much fun.

A few weeks ago, we rounded up the neighbors and headed to the Arvada Center to see two of my very favorite musicians in the whole wide world, Gillian Welch and Dave Rawlings. We sat in the middle of the second row and I didn't take my eyes off them for the whole night. A GREAT show as always. That weekend we went to a small music festival in Denver where our friend's band, Dr. Harlan's Amazing Bluegrass Tonic, was playing. We saw their great set and enjoyed being out in the sunshine with a lot of other families with kids. This is the only picture I have from the day...since the playground is where we spent a lot of the time.
The next Saturday night was our house concert with Ryan Spearman (see post below). No sooner had we recovered from that, and we were attending another house concert at a friend's house the following Monday night. Frank Solivan and Dirty Kitchen were on fire! What a fun treat on a Monday night!
We hadn't gotten enough of Ryan Spearman's music, so that Wednesday, we headed to Colorado Springs after work, had dinner with my in-laws, and headed out to Front Range BBQ to see Ryan play again. We grabbed a table right up front and drank some great beer while listening to Ryan play.
Phew...that's a lot of live music! Oh, and how good it is for the soul. If we could afford it, if Sadie stayed up later than she does, and we didn't need to sleep, we'd surely be enjoying live music most nights of the week. Alas, we just have to treasure these times when our ears are ringing from all the music we've been seeing.

And then there's the live music happening right in our home. Between Brian's banjo playing, my singing whatever song is stuck in my head, and Sadie's rock star moves on her self-proclaimed "stage", we are surely living a musical life.

Ryan Spearman house concert

2011-09-23T11:19:00.011-06:00

It's house concert season once again! Really nothing makes me much happier as the nights are getting cooler than to fill my home up with like-minded music lovers. I cherish these opportunities to enjoy eachother's company and delicious homemade food. Friends that we haven't seen all summer are once again found knocking on our door, with their hands full of drinks, food, and instruments.

And I cannot imagine a better way to kick off the season than with our new friend, Ryan Spearman. Brian and I have been so excited about this show from what we have heard of Ryan's music. And he did not disappoint.

The best word I can think of to describe Ryan and his music is authentic. Every note from his many instruments and his beautiful voice rings so true, and he is a truly talented songwriter. I was absolutely mesmerized during his performance and I think mostly everyone in the house was too. I get chills remembering how wonderfully, perfectly silent it was as Ryan played, and then how loud and appreciative the applause was as soon as each song was done.

And what a treat it was to have Ryan's wife Kelly join him for a few songs...

An awesome old-timey jam started up shortly after the house cleared out...

Complete with my adorable brother and sister-in-law dancing in the corner and gazing lovingly into eachother's eyes (as newlyweds are known to do).

Visit our youtube channel to see all the videos from the show, but here's my favorite....

It was an absolute joy to meet Ryan and Kelly and to welcome them into our home. My heart is full from all the fun and inspiration of the night.

Random Friday

2011-09-16T13:50:00.008-06:00

It's been a bit of a rough week. Bad news at work about a huge contract we were counting on getting on Monday. Spent my birthday (after getting up at 4 a.m.) working a 12+ hour day (instead of taking the day off to spend with my mom and daughter like I'd planned). Got a speeding ticket on my birthday, driving 15 mph over the speed limit while driving my boss's car, while he was in the backseat. Just sort of a crappy week. That happens. It's o.k.
I got an iPhone for my birthday! Yaaaayyy!! I've wanted one forever. I've been very patient. I LOVE it.
I clearly love the Instagram application. It's lots of fun to play with all the filters and such.
It's Friday! Thank goodness! And what a fun weekend we have planned. Brian and I are celebrating our anniversary a few weeks late with a nice dinner out in Castle Rock tonight at the Augustine Grill. We've been feeling the need to take some "just us" time. When we get a babysitter for Sadie, it's always for a house concert, or some other event that never involves just the two of us. But we've been feeling the need to reconnect a bit, so tonight will be lovely.
I made a new banner for our living room. Good words to live by and remember. I see it first thing when I come downstairs and it helps me to remember to go through my day with more love (and understanding and patience). It's one of our favorite songs. Check it out. "If there's ever an answer, it's more love". Amen! On the day that Brian proposed to me, I was working at the radio station that morning and he called to request this song. I played it for him. Aw.....
Our first house concert of the season, with Ryan Spearman, is tomorrow night and we're so excited! I'm looking forward to being back in the swing of house concerts and can't wait to have our house full of friends and family and beautiful music.
It seems to be fall! Labor day weekend, the VERY hot August temperatures we were having dropped, and have stayed down. Ah, I love fall! I'm dreaming about crockpots, baking bread, knitting, pumpkin patches, and sweaters.....
My dog is a pain in the ass sometimes. But she's really cute though, even in her old age.
I spent some time in the garden last weekend "cleaning house". I trimmed my tomato plants way back so they can put all their remaining energy into ripening their many green tomatoes. I thinned the moldy squash leaves. I pulled all but two of the Brussels sprout plants (won't plant them again..I don't think our grow season is long enough). I harvested the rest of our beets and remaining lettuce and chard. And I planted spinach and radishes! I figure that if we have a long/late summer and fall, it'll be great to have a few more fast-growing and cool weather loving plants come in.
Babies on the brain....I have so many people in my life who are expecting babies and I'm going wild with imaging all the tiny knitted items I'd like to gift to these expectant mamas....
Mom and I made pickles a few weekends ago. I'll probably post more about it..but it was mayhem. And the batch that I did by myself didn't seal (I think it's a two person job). Needless to say, an entire shelf in my fridge is full of the non-sealed jars. BUT! I opened one last night and tasted them for the first time...and they're really pickles! yeah!
Sadie has taken to wearing pig ears and a tutu at all times (and even sleeping in them). It's the best thing in the whole world. I hope it lasts. Seriously the cutest thing ever.....
Actually, now that I'm watching the More Love video while I type...I'm going to leave you with the full lyrics. Damn that's good.

I'm so close to you baby, but I'm so far away
There's a silence between us and there's so much to say
You're my strength, you're my weakness
You're my faith, you're my doubt
We gotta meet in the middle
To work this thing out

More love...I can hear our hearts cryin'
More love...I know that's all we need
More love...to flow in between us
To take us and hold us, and lift us above
If there's ever an answer, it's more love

We're afraid to be idle, so we fill up the days
We run on a treadmill, keep slaving away
Until there's no time for talkin'
About troubles in mind
And the doors are all closed
Between your heart and mine

More love...I can hear our hearts cryin'
More love...I know that's all we need
More love...to flow in between us
To take us and hold us, and lift us above
If there's ever an answer, it's more love

Just look out around you , people fightin their wars
They think they'll be happy, when they settle their scores
Let's lay down the weapons
That hold us apart
Be still for just a minute
Try to open our hearts

More love...I can hear our hearts cryin'
More love...I know that's all we need
More love...to flow in between us
To take us and hold us, and lift us above
If there's ever an answer, it's more love

Every Accomplishment Starts With the Decision to Try

2011-09-09T20:21:00.000-06:00

I did it! I ran an entire half-marathon! And I feel SO SO good about it. What a journey this has been.

I got a good night of sleep on Sunday night, and woke up at 4:45 a.m. on race day feeling excited and nervous. I ate two pieces of toast with peanut butter and jelly, and a banana. I drank a little bit of water, but was SO hydrated from the few days leading up to the race that I didn't feel the need to drink too much.

I got dressed, stretched a bit, said goodbye to a sleepy Brian, and headed out into a VERY COLD, quiet, dark Colorado Springs morning.

I walked briskly from my parking spot to the race start, and hung out by the bag check until the very last second because I was scared to take my long-sleeved shirt off in the cold. I could see my breath as I stretched. I kept thinking I had to pee, but it was really just nerves.

About 5-10 minutes before race time, I peeled off my last warm layer and headed to the start line. I worked my way about 2/3 of the way back in line so I wasn't feeling pressure to start too fast. I made small talk with a couple people standing around me and stretched a bit more. Before I knew it, they were counting down the last 15 seconds and then the starting gun went off! I immediately teared up...I couldn't believe that this day and this moment were finally here after all these long months of emotional and physical commitment!

As I had planned (and especially since it was so cold), I started out very slowly. The course was crowded at first and I just focused on staying loose, and slowly working my way up to a comfortable pace. I looked around and enjoyed the view of a colorful sea of runners. After a couple miles, the crowd spread out and I was really able to get into my rhythm. I started thinking forward to Mile 4, where I knew my family and friends would be waiting to cheer me on.

At around 3.5 miles, my knee started hurting, pretty badly. I immediately started worrying. I felt like there was no way it would get any better if I kept running; it was bound to only get worse! And I still had 9 miles to go! I also decided in that moment that I would keep going until my knees gave out on me...no matter how badly it hurt. I wondered if it would be helpful to take the Advil I had stashed in my shorts at some point.

Before I knew it, I could see my mom in the distance, right off the trail, watching for me. I waved my arms so she'd know it was me. And I started getting really emotional when I saw my family there cheering for me...which in turn led me to start hyperventilating. This picture was taken while I was trying to keep myself from completely sobbing. Sobbing and running don't work so well with each other...

I was worried the most about the middle 5 miles of the run. I figured the first 4 miles would be easy, and even if the last 4 miles were really tough, they'd be the last 4 miles, and I'd have Brian with me to help me through it. But I felt like those middle 5 miles would make or break the race for me, and I was continuing to worry about my knee.

I ended up introducing myself to another runner who I'd been running near since the start of the race. And we ended up chatting away for the next 3-4 miles. Very strange. I am SO anti-talking-while-running, and always have been. Normally I refuse to talk while exercising, I can't do it, and I think others who do it must be crazy (or in really great shape). But for some odd reason, this woman and I talked and talked and talked through those miles....and they just flew by. I wasn't focused on my knee, and it ended up changing from a sharp, shooting pain to a dull pain. I definitely got a bit of an energy boost from hitting the 6.5-mile turnaround point. I loved seeing the half-marathon front runners coming past us in the other direction (man, they were going fast!!!). And I started looking forward to getting back to Mile 9, seeing my cheering section again, and having Brian join me for the last leg of the race. This picture was taken at Mile 9. I'm still looking relatively happy!

When Brian first joined me, I was thinking to myself that I didn't need him..I was feeling fine..I was all over this race. And then at about Mile 11, I started feeling like, "oh my god, this just got really hard", and I told him so. Brian was SO great about encouraging me, telling me what a great job I was doing, and how proud of me he was. His presence and encouraging words were SO crucial to keeping my mind on that finish line. At the appointed place, Brian jumped off the course and I finished the last 0.10 mile by myself. As I wrapped my way around the park towards the finish chutes, I picked up my pace to the very fastest my legs could carry me. I wouldn't call it a sprint, but it was fast, and it felt good to finish strong. As I crossed the finish line, they announced my name and and where I'm from.

Again, my emotions started overwhelming me the minute I crossed the finish line....and I sounded like I was having an asthma attack or something. I turned down the offer of medical attention (no thank you, I'm just a sobbing mess...), and let a volunteer place a finish medal around my neck. I grabbed a water and joined my family who had found their way to the finish line. I finished the race in 2 hours, 22 minutes, and 33 seconds. I was 33rd out of 46 in my age group, I finished 143rd out of 236 female finishers, and 324th out of 456 finishers.

I won't get into the 2 bathroom stops I made during the last 4 miles of the race, but Brian thinks those took up at least 10 minutes (I think maybe a little less). But nonetheless, I averaged just over a 10-minute mile, which is what I was aiming for.

I felt fine after the race, and great after taking a shower. I ate some breakfast with my family and friends, and then I started going downhill pretty quickly. I was cold, my stomach was VERY upset, and I just overall felt horrible. I spent much of the rest of the day in bed or on the couch and went to bed very early.

On Tuesday, I woke up feeling fine energy wise, but my entire body was sore, even my upper body. My knee was quite painful and I limped my around work that day. But by Wednesday, I was back to feeling good. I've had a couple nights of lots of ice for my knee, plenty of rehydration, and long, deep nights of sleep and am feeling pretty much normal.

Now I'm taking some time to reflect on this experience and what it means to me. This was so much more than a running race to me. This is the final step in what has been an amazing 9 months for me.

Nine months ago, I was coming off a particularly gluttonous and unhealthy fall and holiday season. I had gained a lot of weight and had no energy. I was heading down a slippery slope of bad habits that I've gone down more times than I can count.

Then some girlfriends and I talked each other and our husbands into a couples weight loss-challenge. You can read about it here. Brian and I joined the rec center, and we both started running. I refocused my nutrition plan and started making better food choices on a more consistent basis. In the past year, Brian and I have lost over 110 pounds!, and we've lost over 80 since the beginning of the year. The visual proof of our changes is pretty startling and exciting!

A friend and I completed the Boulder Bolder in May 2011. I realized that the goal of that race was the thing that got me out of bed most mornings, and quickly decided that I needed to set another goal for myself if I wanted to stay on track with my healthy changes. With the encouragement of several friends, including Selena and Michelle, I decided I wanted to start training for my first half marathon...and I started documenting my progress and struggles here on this blog on Friday, June 15, 2011!

I've learned so much during this process....

I must exercise in the morning, or it won't happen
The early morning wake-up only hurts for the first few minutes.
I feel so much better during the day after exercising in the morning, and I sleep better at night. For someone who has struggled with insomnia for much of my life, it is a beautiful thing to fall into bed every night, exhausted, and sleep soundly until the alarm goes off the next morning.
Running is a great way to have some ME time...something I don't get quite as much of as I'd like.
Training with others (virtually and otherwise) is so inspiring and makes it harder to give up.
Music makes me move. Thank goodness for music.
The human body is an amazing thing. Six months ago, 13 miles seemed nearly impossible.
I will never be able to express to my friends and family how much their support and encouragement from afar, on Facebook, on the phone, through the mail and email, and on the morning of the race (they got up earlier than I did to be there for me!) means to me.
Things get weird after 10 miles. Your body can't be trusted.
Now I feel like I'm capable of just about anything.

Boys and Girls

2011-09-08T10:59:00.008-06:00

Most of the guilty pleasures in my life involve reality television. And probably the most despicable and embarrassing one is Dancing With the Stars. I love it! I can't wait for each new season to start. I love the bright lights, cheesy pop music, sparkly costumes, tanned and toned bodies, and over-the-top superficiality of the whole thing. Really I do. You know, we all need an escape sometimes from trying so hard to live an authentic life, and this certainly works for me....

The DWTS folks try to create drama whenever they can...but one of the new contestants for the upcoming season is creating quite a stir, just by being himself. I'm interested in (and sometimes appalled by the narrowmindedness) of the discussions happening around Chaz Bono's inclusion in the show. I LOVE Christine's post about the issue....she rocks. You should read it and check out some of the links she includes.

Gender issues are also on my mind a lot lately because Sadie is starting to distinguish between who in her life is a "boy" and who is a "girl". She gets it right every time. When we asked her how she knows if someone is a boy or a girl, she said because she feels good in her heart. That's a phrase we use to encourage her to share and help, etc....so it was interesting to hear her use it in this context.

Anyway, I think these discussions are fine. I don't feel too militant or hardcore (yet) about how to approach these discussions with her and how to make sure we're not just reinforcing society's stereotypes about gender norms. But the other night during a discussion along these lines, I did make sure to tell Sadie that sometimes people who look like "girls" are actually "boys", and vice versa. I know she doesn't understand what that means, and she doesn't need to. But she hears what I say, and I just want her to know it's not always straightforward.

Preoccupied...

2011-09-02T09:45:00.001-06:00

Not blogging much here because I'm busy blogging daily over here. Check out my recent posts as I count down the days until I run my first half marathon this coming Monday.

Folks Fest

2011-08-30T08:03:00.007-06:00

We waited in line in a field, we played cards, we drank and ate and played video games at Oskar Blues, and we read and relaxed by the river.....

We hugged and laughed and cuddled with each other.....

We soaked up the peace and serenity that the St. Vrain River has to offer and played on its shore...

We listened to, danced to, and watched some GREAT music...

We drank mimosas Friday morning in camp and toasted our five year anniversary....

We ran into the festival grounds with a not so small or light baby strapped on....

We took naps....

We got naked!...

We rejoiced in the experience and said goodbye to another wonderful festival season. Until next year....

My favorite things about this quiet, simple weekend....

2011-08-29T12:05:00.010-06:00

image credit

We did a lot this weekend, but for us, it was a quiet weekend. We were close to home, didn't have TOO many things on the agenda that took us away from home, and spent plenty of time doing nothing. Weekends like this are too few for my family...I say that I'd like every weekend to be like this, but realistically with our hobbies, interests, both immediate families who live in town and who we love to spend time with, etc...it's unlikely. So, I just have to enjoy it as much as possible when we get a quiet relaxing weekend like this. A few favorite things...

Dinner with my family Friday night to celebrate my mom's birthday at Brio. Great food and service, but not too fancy that I was nervous about a wild two-year-old doing her thing during dinner.

Saturday morning at the Castle Rock Farmer's market. Visited with neighbors and friends, and listened to the boys play music for the market's patrons (they made $45)!

BBQ with extended family that we don't see very often, including an uncle that I loved very much growing up and haven't seen in at least a decade.

Picked up my mandolin for the first time in months. I mostly enjoyed it.

Popping my own popcorn! It's something I've never done, but have always wanted to. I'm sure this stuff that I usually eat is full of cancer-causing chemicals. I bought a bag of corn kernels at the farmer's market and experimented a bit until I found a temperature and amount of kernels that made a nice big batch.

Skipped dinner all together Saturday night, but covered my bowl of popcorn with paprika and lime juice. Poured myself a big glass of water, cut up a cantaloupe and took my snacks and drink to bed at 8:30 p.m. Curled up with my laptop to start watching Season One of Weeds..my new favorite show!

Went for a short run Sunday morning without any significant knee pain. Visualized myself being successful this coming Monday as I run my first half marathon!

Hung out on the couch with Sadie, iced my knees, and watched Ree Drummond's new Food Network show, which I've been very excited for.

Went out to lunch with the family at Garbanzo, YUM!

Washed the dog (she needed it, Sadie told me last week that Lily smelled weird)

Grocery shopping..within my budget! (I'll never get tired of the satisfaction I get from that.)

Worked in the garden (and harvested a TON of tomatoes, squash, lettuce, and chard) with a big smile on my face the whole time.

Sunday dinner of grilled salmon and green beans from the Farmer's Market.

Meet my new friend....

2011-08-29T08:03:00.000-06:00

His name is Niles

You may know this about me, or you can read all about it here and here and here. But this is SERIOUSLY A BIG DEAL!

These pictures represent the culmination of the hardest work I have ever done to change something about myself. This day is on par with the day I got married and the day I gave birth as far as big deal days in my life go. Seriously.

(by the way, I never held him on my own...but I did hold the back half of his body and touched/petted him). I felt and watched his tail (do snakes have tails?) wrap around my finger (that sorta gives me the willies still....) I got up close and took some of these pictures. I checked out the tiny, intricate symmetry of his patterned skin. I watched his body expand and contract with either breaths or heartbeats.

And I continually thanked my therapist for finding the absolute tiniest snake that has ever existed for this exercise.

And I left there feeling on top of the world....I was SO pumped up. I can't stop looking at these pictures. What an amazing life-transforming experience this journey has been for me.

Now, I'm not saying I like snakes. And I will most likely NEVER touch a snake again or get that close again. And if I come across an 8' rattlesnake while hiking in a canyon near my house I will be traumatized.

But I now have the tools, skills, and confidence to live life in a world that is also home to snakes. And if I see a small snake, or even a big snake, I know I can get through it. Before I started working to conquer this phobia, seeing a snake was absolutely NOT EVEN AN OPTION.

And one year ago I would have never in a million years considered even walking in the building if I knew Niles was inside, much less touched and admired him. Wow.

A New Bench and A Handsome Husband

2011-08-26T08:53:00.004-06:00

I LOVE this new front porch bench that Brian gave me for our five year anniversary! What a thoughtful and delightful gift....I plan to spend A LOT of time here and hope to be sitting next to this same man on this same bench on our 55th anniversary.

Five

2011-08-19T00:29:00.001-06:00

Today is the fifth anniversary of the day I married the love of my life!

Random thoughts about marriage this far into it. And I know I have a lot more to learn, experience, and figure out.

Marriage is hard. Really hard.
It's really worth it.
I'm married to an amazing man. Really the perfect man for me.
He puts up with a lot
I do too (probably not as much as him).
Isn't that partly what it's about?
We make good parents
I think we make good parents because we really love each other and usually treat each other with kindness and respect.
My husband is sexy.
And funny.
And a really good banjo player
We are blessed with great friends and family who help support us in our marriage

Happy anniversary my love. I'm thankful every day that we found each other.

Poppy's Boat

2011-08-15T21:09:00.001-06:00

So, in the next 12-18 months, you'll probably hear a lot about my awesome dad and his big adventure on this blog (and hopefully on his very own blog!).

Sneak preview: my dad is retiring soon...very soon. He'll be happy to tell you exactly how many months/weeks/days/hours/seconds until he retires. Sometime next June he'll be done working hard after a successful, interesting, and varied career. And a week later, he'll embark on the adventure of a lifetime.

He'll be taking a boat trip from northern Montana to Key West, Florida. Seriously. On inland waterways (rivers, etc.) the entire way. More details to come. And while we, his family, have been (just a little bit) ignoring him and tuning him out while he talked about these big plans for the last few years (maybe we weren't sure they'd actually happen...), we now know that this is really happening! Because he's the proud owner of this new boat!

He and my mom found it in the Pacific Northwest a couple months ago, and my dad and Uncle Al drove it back from there a few weeks later (after the manufacturer pimped it out a bit more...).

And now it resides in my parents' driveway. Unless it's out on the water. We were the last of the immediate family to find time for a test drive of the boat a couple weekends ago. And what fun we had. We spent the day tooling around 11-mile Reservoir near Lake George, CO.

And Sadie LOVED it! Which amazed her mama and dada. She must be taking after her Poppy, who she likes to tell us "is a boat guy".

Before and After

2011-08-15T09:49:00.001-06:00

Before

After!

In the past year, Brian and I have lost over 110 pounds!, and we've lost over 80 since the beginning of the year.

Quick list of changes we've made and things we do that have helped us get here

We both generally follow a Weight Watchers plan. It consists of education about portion sizes and following the 8 Good Health Guidelines:
1. Eat at least five servings of vegetables and fruits each day.
2. Choose whole-grain foods, such as brown rice and oats, whenever possible.
3. Include two servings of milk products – low fat (1%) or fat-free – each day.
4. Have some healthy oil (olive oil, canola, sunflower, safflower or flaxseed) each day.
5. Ensure that you are getting enough protein by choosing at least a serving or two of meat, poultry, fish, eggs, or dried beans each day. Many dairy products are also good sources of protein.
6. Limit added sugar and alcohol.
7. Drink at least 6 8-ounce glasses of water a day.
8. Take a multiple vitamin-mineral supplement each day.
Through WW, I eat tons of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, some lean proteins and low-fat or fat-free dairy, and still have room for treats so I never feel deprived. I drink LOTS of water, and get a small amount of healthy oil in every day. I LOVE the Weight Watchers program and would recommend it to anyone!

We TRY to not go back for seconds. Brian's better about this than I am.

We eat MOST meals at home, which for us makes it much easier to be healthy.

We've both started running! I'm training for a half marathon, and Brian is very consistent about running at the rec center and around our neighborhood.

We only weigh-in once a week, which helps us avoid getting overly excited or disappointed by the typical daily ups and downs in our weights.

We encourage each other every day...doing this together has been such a wonderful thing for us. I can't imagine us ever going back to "before".

Garden's Bounty

2011-08-07T21:33:00.009-06:00

Nothing is making me happier right now than my mostly successful garden. I was so enthusiastic about my first ever vegetable garden last year and was less than thrilled with the results. Although I did get quite a bit of lettuce and a few tomatoes out of it, it never really lived up to my expectations.

After several people who know a lot more about gardening than I do told me that my soil was REALLY sandy, I decided to call the place where I had purchased what they called "gardener mix" in the spring. I can't remember the details of all the back-and-forth conversations that we had, but in the end I was just plain frustrated when I realized that not only did they not seem to know what they were talking about, but I had been sold two truckloads of bad soil (or sand)!

I was utterly despondent for a month or so this spring when I realized all the work and cost that would have to go into having a garden again this year. I didn't have the money, energy or time to remove all the bad soil; purchase and load new soil; and buy all the seeds and starter plants to get this thing going. I told Brian it wasn't worth it and I just wouldn't do it this year.

Well, I think he knew how sad this made me, so he rallied, and spent one weekend removing all the bad soil, disposing of it, driving to Denver and buying new soil (from a different company, obviously), and hauling it all from the truck and into the garden! I can't thank him enough for all that hard work.

I went through all the seeds I had from the year before, gave myself a $100 budget, and bought some starter plants. I was a bit late in my planting, but figured I'd give it a shot anyway.

And, oh am I glad that I did.....

I'm currently harvesting lots of lettuce, Swiss chard, Anaheim chilis, herbs, and quite a few tomatoes (there are so many green tomatoes on these plants...I'm going to be swimming in tomatoes as they ripen). My other pepper plants are starting to produce, including green bell peppers and jalapenos. My squash, zucchini, and cucumber plants are getting big and trying to take over the garden. I'm also growing beets, carrots, and Brussels sprouts.

Another unexpected success for the summer is my compost pile! Again, something I was pretty depressed about after last summer because it appeared that NOTHING was happening....After declaring the compost pile dormant for the winter, I didn't even bother to bring the kitchen compost crock in the house this spring because I was so sure that I was a composting failure. But a while back I took the lid off my compost bin, thoroughly soaked it with water, and let it stay open to the air, sun, and excessive rain we were getting. And, lo and behold, my compost pile is cookin'! Literally! Take a look at this rich, dark soil! YEAH!

The greatest gift of the garden is the restoration of the five senses. ~Hanna Rion

B-O-O-T-S

2011-08-07T21:05:00.001-06:00

Say Cheese!

2011-08-04T13:20:00.000-06:00

This is so hilarious. Here are two pictures taken seconds apart from each other. The first one is actually how I was feeling that day as I stood next to the St. Vrain River on the Planet Bluegrass Ranch with some of my favorite people in the world....but the juxtaposition cracks me up!

Small Steps

2011-08-03T08:33:00.002-06:00

That's pretty rough what I said down there. It's true, that's how I feel...but it's not all sadness and desperation like I made it sound....

Really, this is how I feel about being a working mother. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of it.

And I'm constantly incorporating small changes into our family routine to help with the situation.

1. Sadie and I talk on the phone every morning. So, even though I don't see her in person before work, we get to connect that way at the start of every day. Phone conversations with a 2 year-old are a bit dysfunctional, but we're trying.
2. If I can swing it with my work schedule, I'll come into work 30 minutes late every once in a while so I do get to see Sadie when she wakes up (once a week, or so).
3. It's hard for me to not try to get stuff done when I get home from work (go through the mail, pack lunch for the next day, etc...), but I resist. That is Sadie's time, and I usually just plop myself down on the floor and get into her world.
4. As much as I can, dinner preparation is done after Sadie goes to bed the night before, so I don't have to do much (or anything) to get dinner ready.
5. We eat dinner as a family, and then Sadie and I go upstairs for bath/shower time. Brian is awesome about cleaning up every single night!
6. I say no as often as I can to after-work activities. I do have commitments that I can't always get out of, but I try to not add any others.
7. Weekends are NOT about cleaning the house or doing other chores that take me away from Sadie.
8. I'm hoping to be able to take a day or a half-day off, once or twice a month, to spend with Sadie at home. I think that will help both of us.
9. I'm breathing deeply and reminding myself that my career is a good thing for Sadie, for me, and for my family as a whole.

I hadn't thought about it that way....

2011-07-21T12:55:00.003-06:00

I wrote this sentence in this post below.

"I don't get to see Sadie before I go to work in the morning...so when I get home from work, we've been apart for 22 hours"

I hadn't put my daily separation from my daughter in those exact terms before. And it is staggeringly heartbreaking to me. Every time I think about it that way, which is all the time now, I feel like I'm being kicked in the stomach.

Imagination

2011-07-15T14:40:00.006-06:00

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." - Albert Einstein

Last night I experienced one of my very favorite moments as a parent, to date. I saw Sadie's imagination at work for the first time (at least completely obviously like this).

Sadie told me that she had a boo-boo and a tummyache and was going to the doctor. When I asked her what the doctor was going to do, she said the doctor would kiss it and make it better (of course! that's how that stuff gets fixed when you're that age...).

The she gave me a big hug and kiss, ran to the other side of the living room, "talked" to the doctor, and came back and said she was all better.

On the 4th trip to the doctor I asked her to stop and get some milk, ice cream, and crackers on her way home from the doctor. She went to a different corner to get these items and then came home and pretended to put them in the fridge. Then she passed milk and ice cream out to Brian and me when we requested it.

This went on and on...and was SO FUN to watch! I really have never seen her engage in this type of imaginative play to such a level of detail and for such an extended period of time. And usually when we talk about things that are pretend, it's at my urging. I'll ask her if she thinks the birds are leaving to go home for dinner when they fly away, etc. But this was all her.

Let that imagination soar, little Sadie. It'll take you far!

Hip Mountain Mama

2011-07-12T13:44:00.005-06:00

Check out Sadie and me in this video!

Hip Mountain Mama is a great business owned and run by friends of ours in northern Colorado. And the jingle is written and sung by our friend Bill Powers of Honey Don't. Fun!

I Make Milk, What's Your Superpower?

2011-07-05T11:22:00.027-06:00

Yep, Sadie and I are still breastfeeding. Mostly happily.
As soon as I decided that I would be a breastfeeding mama, I knew that I would be very committed to it. I believe so strongly in the benefits of this relationship for both mamas and babies. I believe that this is the single most important gift I have given my child, to date.

And it certainly hasn't always been easy. As a full-time working mother, it was a serious commitment and sacrifice to maintain my milk supply in those early days. I laugh when I think about some of the ridiculous situations in which I pumped. (covered in mud, hunched down in my truck, while an all-male drill crew worked just out of sight comes to mind...).

I think I always intended to nurse until Sadie turned two. That's the recommendation of the World Health Organization, other respected pediatric groups, Sadie's pediatrician, and some other nursing mamas I know. But I never really thought about what that meant. I guess I just thought we would magically be done when Sadie turned two. Then when Sadie started to near her second birthday, it became clear that if I was really determined to be done, it wasn't going to be easy. At all. I reached out to the very few women I know who nursed past their child's first birthday. And I started paying more attention to Sadie and what her needs/wants are when it comes to nursing. I told Sadie's pediatrician (who is very breastfeeding supportive) that I was "in no hurry" but that I was interested in moving in the direction of weaning. His advice to me was a common saying when it comes to gently weaning toddlers, "Don't Offer, Don't Refuse". Sounds reasonable, right?

Well, let me just tell you that I never offer. Never. I don't get the chance to really. The minute I walk in the door after work, before a hug and kiss, Sadie asks to nurse. And she's VERY insistent about it. She will not take no for an answer.

It's true that Sadie does not NEED to nurse anymore, from a nutritional standpoint. But that doesn't mean she doesn't need to nurse anymore. What I know in my heart is that this is her best way to reconnect with me after missing each other all day. I don't see Sadie before I go to work in the morning...so when I get home from work, we've been apart for 22 hours :(. And she knows that when we are nursing, I am 100% focused on her and it is a special time for us to be physically and emotionally close.

Sadie is also a sensitive little one who is very attached to her mama, and I believe that she benefits greatly from the comfort and security that nursing brings. I also know that it is my very best (and easiest) tool to help her calm down when she is upset, angry, or hurt. It is a very important part of our bedtime routine, and although she has no problem going to sleep for her dad or her grandparents, if I'm the one putting her to sleep, we both love having that time to snuggle in close and quiet down from the business of the day.

But there are also times that I am ready, READY, to be done. It's not always sweet and comforting for me. There are times that my body and its particular hormonal state that day are not in the mood to nurse. There are times, like last week, when I came home from a long after-work run, sweatier than I've ever been in my life, and all Sadie wanted to do was nurse. I literally had to peel my sports bra off of me and get in the shower while listening to her scream for 20 minutes because I absolutely just couldn't bring myself to nurse until I'd washed all the sweat and grime off my body. And then there are times when I find myself feeling self-conscious about nursing Sadie.

When Sadie was younger, I had absolutely no qualms about nursing in public. I nursed her discreetly while eating with friends in a busy restaurant, at concerts and festivals, in front of her great-grandparents at the dinner table, on the airplane, and while walking around my neighborhood. I'm so thankful that unlike many, many women in this country, I was never chided for it or asked to leave a public place. I also like to think that through these actions I've made some formerly squeamish friends and family members more comfortable with breastfeeding and helped them to realize that it's a perfectly natural way to nourish your baby and is absolutely not something that must be done in private.

But....now that Sadie's a bit older and I'm the only person in my immediate group of family and friends who has nursed to this age, I'm more aware of when and where I nurse Sadie. Unlike some toddlers, Sadie doesn't often insist on nursing when we're in public. She tends to get distracted and excited about whatever activity we're engaged in and it doesn't cross her mind. If we are in someone's home, I can usually say, o.k., it's time to go have some quiet time, and we'll find a quiet place to nurse.

A couple weekends ago, though, we were camping with several other couples. A couple of the mamas, their kids, and Sadie and I were sitting around the campfire when Sadie asked to nurse. I mostly felt comfortable nursing in front of these women, but they are relatively new friends and I don't really know how they feel about breastfeeding. I wasn't sure how I felt about nursing in front of these womens' husbands, but could have talked myself into getting over that. The thing that gave me the most pause, was that I was nervous about the reaction of Sadie's three-year old playmate and the other kiddos. I've never seen it as my job to "teach" other people, through example, about breastfeeding. But I do know that when I nurse in front of people who are not familiar or comfortable, that it can be a good learning experience. I guess I just didn't feel up to it that day.

I ended up finding a beautiful, quiet spot in the woods where Sadie and I nursed and then spent some more time listening to the birds and talking about what we saw in the trees. And that was a more relaxing, special moment anyway, than if we were trying to nurse in the midst of the whole group. But I've found myself mulling over the feelings I experienced in that situation.

Later during that same camping trip, when the entire group was sitting around camp, somehow Brian got around to telling a story about Sadie asking to nurse. The gist of it was describing what I mentioned before, how when I walk in the door that's the only thing she wants to do. Like I said, these were somewhat new friends, and I wasn't sure if they were all aware that Sadie still nurses at the age of 2 1/2. In a way, it was nice that Brian was just getting that information out there in the open. At the same time, I felt a bit shy about him telling everyone this so casually. But I know that was just my natural instinct to be private about something that is not that common in our society.

But as I've thought about that moment several times over the past couple weeks, the overall feeling I end up with is pride in my husband. I'm so proud and thankful that he feels no shame or embarrassment about this (he shouldn't!). In a way, I think he's proud of the fact that our family still has a nursing toddler. I think he likes that it makes us a bit different from other friends in this regard. That attitude from him helps remind me to snap out of it when I'm feeling self-conscious or shy about our nursing.

And after all, this parenting thing is teamwork. Although my nursing relationship with Sadie is mostly about the two of us, Brian is and always has been a part of the relationship too. I absolutely could not have made it this far without Brian's support and encouragement.

So, now what? Well, that I can't answer yet. I've clearly flown right past the two year mark and see no end in sight. I have started talking to Sadie about nursing in a way she can understand. While she screamed at me when I was in the shower last week I continued to explain to her that when she acts that way it doesn't make me want to nurse. I try to limit our nursing to when I get home from work and before bed (and in the morning when I'm there). I enforce and insist upon nursing "manners". And I'm taking it day by day.

I'm also educating myself about the concepts of child-led weaning. Child-led weaning means trusting your child and having confidence that your child knows what she needs. It means trusting yourself enough to ignore a society that claims to know your child better than you do. I'm reminding myself about the benefits of nursing past infancy. I'm rereading t his great book. And I'm taking a deep breath, relaxing, looking into my daughters beautiful blue eyes, and reveling in the joy and beauty of this relationship.

Happy Birthday Brian!

2011-06-28T11:40:00.001-06:00

If you know my husband....

You know that this was pretty much the coolest thing that could have happened to him for his birthday.

What an awesome time we had during our own personal tour of the Ome Banjo Factory in Boulder, CO. Brian's Celtic Ome is one of his (and our) most prized possessions and it was so cool to meet the people who lovingly craft these gorgeous instruments. Our 45 minute planned tour turned into a nearly 3 hour visit and discussion of ALL THINGS BANJO! YEAH!

The rest of the birthday weekend was equally lovely with a special lunch out for the two of us in Boulder; dinner with my family at one of our favorite restaurants in Denver, Undici; golf for the boys and post-golf camping with a big group of friends; and a special birthday dinner out in Castle Rock at Siena and this yummy banana cake!

Happy birthday my love. You're the best man I know and I'm supremely happy that I get to hang out with you forever and ever.

Snake Update

2011-06-22T23:38:00.000-06:00

Has it really only been a little over two months since I wrote this post? Time for a progress report...I feel like there's been A LOT of progress. I'll start with these images.
Here's my friend Herbert sitting on my lap during a session with my therapist. And I took him out of the bag and put him there! Willingly! If you'll recall....Herbert has been in my possession for almost a year, and until the day this picture was taken, I HAD NEVER TOUCHED HIM! The first time my therapist removed him from the bag a year ago I actually cried I was so afraid.

I'm not going to say that taking that first step was easy, but I did it! And then got used to him sitting there.

After his triumphant and long-awaited release from his double-bagged home, I decided to let him be free forever. The bags were recycled, and Herbert now resides on the dashboard of my work truck. Which means we spend a lot of time together. I commute and am also in and out of my truck all day for work. So, needless to say, I've gotten pretty used to having this guy around. (by the way, if you haven't read my previous post...Herbert is a fake rubber snake :)

Progress.

On the last day of my vacation in May, Brian and I decided to take Sadie to the zoo. And that morning I declared to Brian and Sadie that I would be joining them in viewing the snakes in the Tropical Discovery exhibit. I'd thought about it for days and had mentally prepared myself for this step. I explained to Brian that he might need to be patient with me since my reaction wasn't assured. And I tapped. A lot. All the way to the zoo, in fact. I also reminded myself of what my therapist had been insisting upon...that I start to see more than the "scary" and "sneaky" characteristics of snakes (as I see them). What can I appreciate about them? Their color? The symmetry of their patterned skin? Brian decided that it would be a good idea to start with the snakes to get it out of the way.

So I took some deep breaths, and I walked right up to a big, bright green mamba. And I looked at it very closely. I craned my neck to see if I could spot its head. I read the interesting scientific facts about it. I talked to Brian and Sadie about it. I tapped. And of course I was sweating, shaking, and feeling nauseous. But I kept looking at that snake until I felt o.k. about it. And then I moved on to the next one. And I looked at every single snake in that exhibit...which is a lot! We probably spent over an hour in there. I watched a prairie rattlesnake (which is what we have in my part of Colorado) open and close its jaw repeatedly and talked myself into being amazed at how wide that snake can open its mouth. I spent a lot of time with a skinny pair of 6 foot long African snakes who are known to be very active and mobile and really worked at appreciating how amazing it is how they move their bodies in such a unique way.

And when we left the snake exhibit, Sadie and I sat down in the sunshine. I held my hand to my forehead, neck, heart and stomach (in that order), and as I paused on each of those points, I said these words out loud: "I feel o.k. about those snakes". And then we continued on to have a lovely picnic lunch and enjoy the rest of the zoo.

Brian was very patient with me. He did have to remind me a couple times to watch my language since we were at the zoo with our daughter and surrounded by lots of other children (I tend to curse a lot when I'm scared...). He explained the situation to a couple people who were looking at me strangely. He listened intently to me as I talked through my feelings and processed what I had been through. I know it is very hard for him to understand this phobia, but I am very grateful that he has always respected me enough to never make fun of me for it and has never insisted that I "just get over it".

Next step...watch my therapist handle an actual snake (a small one) in my presence. Oy.

Here I Go...

2011-06-20T20:54:00.002-06:00

I've made a big decision and a big commitment. Check out my other blog to see what I'm up to...

Pagosa Folk 'N Bluegrass

2011-06-14T11:39:00.001-06:00

A random list of my very favorite things about my new very favorite festival:

Best restaurant in Del Norte: the Peace of Art Cafe. We'll always always make it work to stop here on our way to and from this part of the state. Delicious and healthy food made from local and organic ingredients, a zebra friend for Sadie, an interesting and artistic building and atmosphere, but must mostly just one of those places you feel nourishes your soul. You walk out feeling a bit more connected somehow. Lovely.
The drive to Pagosa Springs is just perfect. Long enough to make you feel like you're really getting away, but not too long that travelers young and old start losing their patience and their minds. And Wolf Creek Pass is one of the most gorgeous places on earth in my opinion.
It was our first camping trip of the season and it felt SO GOOD to be sleeping, eating, and peeing outdoors! Yeah! Sadie did so well...she slept soundly every night bundled up in her sleeping bag and really embraced the concept of "camping and hiking and hot springs".
The camping situation at this festival could not be more different from what we're used to at the festivals we attend every year. We had a very private campsite, with other festival goers far enough away that you really couldn't hear them at all. We were in a big meadow with plenty of room for Sadie to run around. We were a short walk from the main festival grounds, but not too far that it was hard to walk back and forth to camp a few times a day (and the hill to the festival, and my ever-present 25-lb (2 year old) load helped burn off the calories from those festival beers!). And we could have a campfire! Yeah! Nothing better than that after a long day. Oh, and none of this schlepping your massive amounts of festival gear 50 yards or more from your car to your campsite and then parking miles away. You camp with your car which makes unpacking and repacking a breeze!
Hot springs! Every morning! Need I say more??
Camping with new friends and other kids! What fun it was for Sadie to have a new friend to go berserk with, and what a treat for us to get to know some new friends better. And parenting alongside another couple dealing with similar joys and challenges inherent in taking young children to a festival was comforting and inspiring at times.
The weather could not have been more perfect. Can't count on that every year, I know, (and I've heard this festival property turns into a somewhat miserable muddy pit during rainy years), but I think the pros will outweigh that issue in the future.
Sadie finally figuring out that dirt is fun and that getting dirty is what being a kid is all about.
The music! Of course! Favorites included Finnders and Youngberg, Crooked Still, Grant Farm, and Town Mountain.
Spending the weekend with my wonderful husband and lovely daughter doing what I love to do more than mostly anything else in the world. Doesn't get any better.

Swimming!

2011-06-02T14:45:00.000-06:00

Sadie completed her first session of swim lessons at our community rec center. This was so much for for all of us! Brian and I learned a lot about getting Sadie comfortable in the water, and she had a lot of fun.

I AM!

2011-05-23T08:51:00.001-06:00

So I must be doing something right....

if you're not, if you're not
if you're not, if you're not
if you're not getting happier as you get older
then you're fuckin' up

if you're not, if you're not
if you're not, if you're not
if you're not aware that what you put out
is what you get back
that you make the world through the way you act
you can harness the awesome power of that fact

and it builds up, it builds up
it builds up, it builds up
yeah your love builds up till it's bigger than you
then it just carries you through
you better ready yourself

cause whatcha gonna do
if you're not, if you're not

if you're not, if you're not
if you're not, if you're not
if you're not, if you're not
if you're not, if you're not

if you're not getting happier as you get older
then you're fuckin' up

Is It Festival Season Yet??

2011-05-20T12:15:00.003-06:00

We'll be here in two weeks and I'm so excited I can't even stand it!!!!

I'm highly depressed that our dear friends who were supposed to be joining us will most likely not be able to make it due to financial problems involving a dead car.

If anyone reading this has extra money burning a hole in their pocket and you want to reunite two old friends in festival land...we'll gladly accept! :)

Vacation

2011-05-17T15:25:00.001-06:00

A couple weeks ago, I took an entire week off of work! I never do that! I like to spread my vacation time out to make a lot of long weekends throughout the year, but I had some extra days burning a hole in my pocket, a bit of a childcare conundrum, and had been missing my little Sadie terribly...so...I did it.

Brian, Sadie, and I headed up to the Petersons' beautiful cabin in Twin Lakes, Colorado on Saturday morning and spent the weekend together relaxing, cooking, singing, reading, playing and listening to banjo, bundling up and taking walks, and watching the snow softly fall outside. Unfortunately, Brian had to leave on Monday morning to get back to town for work, and Sadie and I set off for a mama-daughter adventure.

First we went to Cottonwood Hot Springs and spent a few luxurious hours soaking in their lovely pools. Sadie loved jumping into my arms and playing with the other kids that were there.

After swimming we headed back through Buena Vista and had lunch at my favorite local restaurant, the Evergreen Cafe. I splurged on a delicious cheeseburger and Sadie and I shared the best dessert in the county, their bread pudding with whiskey sauce. YUM!!!

On our way out of town, we stopped at the Jumpin' Good Goat Dairy to taste test some delicious goat cheese and to say hello to the goats. Back to the cabin and a nap for both of us.

Sadie and I truly relished our time together..we spent LOTS of time curled up under a blanket reading stories and listening to music.

On Tuesday morning we got up and went for a nice long walk around the neighborhood. Sadie happily rode on my back and loved that all the dogs in the entire area joined us along our way.

And then things changed......

What fun it was to have four of my dearest girlfriends and ALL their gorgeous children join us at the cabin for the night. It may have been chaos, but it was lovely for us to have their company.

The kiddos (9 of them!) played well together, and after they all went to bed, the mamas finally got to sit down together, open a couple bottles of wine, and visit.

Not everyone slept as well as we had hoped (especially the mamas), so we all felt a bit off-kilter the following morning and everyone packed up and headed home around lunchtime. I cleaned the house from top to bottom and then collapsed in a pile on the couch for the rest of the day. Luckily, Sadie was as tired as I was from all the fun, and was up for a relaxing night too.

We had a leisurely Thursday morning and slowly worked our way home. It was sure hard to leave the peace, serenity, and beauty of Twin Lakes, but it was such a nice treat to have that time together in the mountains.

Inspiration

2011-05-14T09:19:00.003-06:00

Sunbeams

Even

after

all this time

the sun never says to the earth,

"You owe me."

Look

what happens

with a love like that-

it lights the whole

world.

-Hafez

Passover 2011

2011-05-11T03:12:00.001-06:00

It's hands down one of my favorite nights of the year. I love Passover for all the same reasons I love Thanksgiving. Rather than this holiday being about STUFF...it's about gathering with people you love and sitting down to share food, community, and discussion. And at Passover (rather than at Thanksgiving), the Seder service forces the meal to SLOW WAY DOWN.

I love that the Seder we take part in every year also includes a lot of silliness (singing, finger puppets, face masks), Slivovitz (oy vey!), and usually some animated political discussion. Some of my very favorite things!

I'm always so grateful to our dear lifelong friends for sharing this holiday with my family.

I LOVE THIS

2011-05-09T13:41:00.003-06:00

I need to keep a copy of this flowchart stapled to my head. I found it at this great blog I just discovered, Spousonomics.

Clutter-Free

2011-04-24T13:43:00.001-06:00

These are the big, heavy-duty yard work garbage bags. And they're full of clothes from my closet. Clothes that don't fit me anymore and that I hope to never need again. I've been hanging on to these size 12-16 clothes for years, knowing that my weight has a tendency to fluctuate wildly and that I may or may not be pregnant again at some point in my life. I packed one bin of maternity and nursing clothes, and one box of sentimental clothes, and the rest went in these bags.

And now my closet looks like this!

It's amazing what a little decluttering can do for your general attitude about life! Ah....I feel like I just took a big deep breath. I need to do this more often.

Good thing I have plenty of other closets in my house that need the same treatment.

Field Trip

2011-04-22T13:47:00.000-06:00

Last Friday I took the afternoon off and Brian, Sadie and I went to the Denver Bronco's football stadium, Invesco Field, for a tour. I purchased a Groupon for this tour way back in October and give it to Brian as a Christmas gift. Of course we waited until the day before it expired to redeem it....

This was a really fun activity for us, and especially cool for Brian, who is (and always has been) an unwavering and enthusiastic Broncos fan.

We toured some luxury suites, the press rooms, the Bronco's party room, and the visiting team's locker room (the Broncos don't allow the public into their locker room.)

But the coolest part of the tour came towards the end when we got to walk right out to the edge of the field. It really was fun to be right there where the players are. Having been to several games at Invesco, it was so fun to see it from this vantage point. Sadie was dying to run on the grass, but unfortunately that's not allowed.

It was really fun to do this as a family. And we bribed Sadie to hang in there for the whole tour by promising her pizza afterward!

Reunited

2011-04-19T11:20:00.000-06:00

I made this sweet family of gnomes for Sadie months ago. We started with three and added three more to the group. Sadie loves them and plays with them a lot. Then three of them disappeared for a couple months. And it made us absolutely batty! Finally, a week or so ago, they reappeared (they were hiding in a little-used drawer in our bedroom of all places....). Now they're a family again and I can finally take the photos I've been meaning to since I first made them.

This was such a fun and easy craft. Sadie was fascinated by the process, too, so I was actually able to make them while she was awake and in the same room (which doesn't happen that often as a crafting mama to a two-year-old). I used Carrie Logic's awesome tutorial found here. The materials were cheap and easy to find and these little friends continue to provide a lot of fun for Sadie.

not yet....

2011-04-17T13:40:00.005-06:00

A couple weeks ago, we went to a friend of Sadie's three year-old birthday party. It was a princess party, and since we aren't really in the princess phase yet (not sure how I feel about that, but it sounds like it's somewhat inevitable), we improvised with a pretty dress and butterfly wings leftover from our wedding.

Sadie looked like a perfect butterfly/pixie princess. She slowly warmed up to the party and enjoyed playing with her friend's toys. Then she found her bedroom and her friend's beautiful princess bed. And we pretty much didn't see her for the rest of the party.

Seems like she might be ready for a "big girl bed". I don't think mama and dada are quite ready for that though. She's so nice and contained in her crib. And now that she can open doors, there's no telling what shenanigans she'd be up to in the middle of the night if she had free reign....

Self Care

2011-04-14T08:19:00.004-06:00

I am finding myself in a period of being very mindful of how I take care of myself mentally and physically (not really tackling the spiritually part for now...). I'm amazed at how some recent changes in my life have affected my energy level throughout the day and week, my sleeping habits, my ability to cope with stress and premenstrual symptoms, and my overall feeling of contentment and vitality. These changes include mostly eliminating coffee from my morning routine (with the exception of a weekend morning every once in a while), and replacing coffee with green smoothies most mornings; going to bed around the same time every night, even on the weekends; and frequent and consistent vigorous activity.

I'm feeling very empowered by these changes right now and look forward to continuing to make more positive changes in my routine that will have me feeling better all the time!

This article really resonated with me this morning (and inspired this quick blog post) and includes some great tips that I want to start incorporating.

Big Kid Hike

2011-04-06T11:20:00.000-06:00

A couple weekends ago, Sadie and I packed a picnic lunch and headed off to explore an open space park in Castle Rock that was new to us. Memmen Ridge Open Space isn't too far from home...just a 5 minute drive.

Sadie loved having space to roam and explore. I encouraged her to check out anything she was interested in and tried not to impose much of an agenda on the day. Although I brought a carrier to put her on my back (and was planning on it), Sadie wanted to walk the entire way, which ended up being just over a mile. The topography varied throughout the hike and Sadie loved running down the hills.

She played in the dirt...
And gave kisses to all the trees.

We stopped for lunch when she decided she was hungry and then we laid back in the pine needles and listened for birds (and then tried to spot them in the sky).

From my perspective, this wasn't my ideal place to go for a hike. It appears to be heavily used...I noticed litter occasionally, and way too much dog poop near the trailhead. It's pretty much right in town, and so it wasn't incredibly quiet (town sounds were more prevalent than nature sounds). But it was absolutely an ideal place to take a toddler. The loop we took was short enough for Sadie to walk the whole way, and the surface was well-worn and soft without a lot of tripping hazards for little legs. The outing was just long enough, but not too long. In all, we were gone from the house for about an hour and a half and home in time for a nice early nap.

I'm really looking forward to doing this as often as possible this summer and exploring some of the other great trails in our community.

Biggest Losers

2011-04-05T20:50:00.004-06:00

Brian and I just took part in a 12-week weight loss challenge with three other couples. It was such a great experience to do this with my husband and with these friends.

In 12 weeks I lost 14 pounds. I'm now within 10 pounds of my final weight goal and feeling better than ever!

Brian and I also joined the Rec Center in our community and I've gone from not doing much exercise (with the exception of my daily 2-mile lunchtime walk), to some really tough workouts including swimming 1200 yards, running 5 miles on the treadmill, and running 3.5-mile hilly runs in my neighborhood. I've also been motivated to try many of the fitness classes offered at the rec center, including spinning, High Intensity Interval Training (H.I.I.T.), yoga, and Zumba (which I LOVE!!).

I'm so thrilled to finally be making exercise a priority in my schedule. It's always been a struggle for me because I just don't have the time. But I've really gotten used to (and gotten to where I enjoy) getting up early 4 mornings a week and working out before I head to the office. It's just become a part of my schedule; I have a good routine figured out for getting out of the house that early; and I love the feeling of knowing I've gotten it out of the way! I'm sleeping so much better now and my body feels strong and powerful. I'm setting fitness goals for myself in the coming months to keep myself motivated. I'm going to run the Bolder Boulder (10K) on Memorial Day which I haven't done in years, and I'm pondering this women's triathalon in August!

Brian lost 33 pounds in 12 weeks! He is thinner than I've ever seen him (and weighs less than he's weighed in a very long time). Brian won the weight loss challenge for the males in the group by losing 14.6% of his body weight! I am so proud of him I can't even stand it. I will of course love my husband no matter what size or shape he is, but I can tell how good he feels on the inside and outside and that's what makes me so happy. Oh, and he's barely snoring anymore and that REALLY makes me happy!

I'm proud that Brian and I accomplished this in a healthy way that we'll be able to maintain. We both kept each other in check with our portions (which is a struggle for both of us), and encouraged each other in going to the gym. The food we eat hasn't really changed at all, but we have been making better choices when we're not at home.

This group of 8 adults lost 164 pounds in 12 weeks!!! That's an entire person! Looking at these before and after pictures is so, so inspiring to me. I'm truly thankful to my girlfriends for hatching this crazy plan and asking us to be a part of it. And I am very proud of my friends for their great successes and changed habits. We celebrated in fine style after our final weigh-in with donuts, breakfast burritos and mimosas (and cheeseburgers for dinner), but it sounds like everyone was back on track Monday morning. We're currently brainstorming ways that the eight of us can continue to support each other in the future.

Fear Does Not Stop Death, It Stops Life

2011-04-04T00:23:00.002-06:00

From Wikipedia: "A phobia is an irrational, intense and persistent fear of certain situations, activities, things, animals, or people. The main symptom of this disorder is the excessive and unreasonable desire to avoid the feared stimulus. When the fear is beyond one's control, and if the fear is interfering with daily life, then a diagnosis under one of the anxiety disorders can be made.^"My phobia has a name: Ophidiophobia. I'm more than scared of snakes; I am paralyzed by the thought of encountering a snake. It doesn't matter if it's a 3-inch garter snake, a rattlesnake, or an anaconda..they're all the same to me. I remember being scared of snakes as early as first grade when I couldn't look at pictures of them on the covers of my Ranger Rick magazines, and I vividly remember running screaming out of the room when my classmate brought his bull snake for show-and-tell. I really have come to realize that this is a phobia, rather than a fear. I'm not thrilled with spiders and I don't love the dark...but I'm able to push these fears away. My feeling about snakes is irrational and gradually consuming more and more of my energy in an unhealthy way. I spend more time than I'll even admit here thinking about snakes.

This phobia of mine has intensified throughout my life. I used to happily hike and boat through the desert, and while I may have been a bit jumpy every time I heard a rustle, I still enjoyed the outdoor activities that these locations afforded. At this point in my life, I actually can't imagine going on a river trip in southern Colorado or Utah because of the snake factor. I made a new friend a year or so ago, and she asked me if I wanted to go hiking in Castlewood Canyon, a supposedly amazing and beautiful natural gem practically in my backyard, and I turned her down because I believe that there are rattlesnakes there. I will only go hiking in arid, "desert-like" locations (of which my community is in abundance) during winter months. In the summer I will drive for hours to go hiking or camping in high, alpine regions because I'm convinced that there aren't snakes in these types of places. There's a beautiful, concrete bike path near my house that runs along the creek that I used to love to walk along. One time I saw a snake from afar on the path, and I haven't been back since. Every time I go to a new place, the first thing on my mind is "what is the potential for snakes in this place?". Pathetic. For all of its beauty and its wonderful, transformative power on my life, I really think my favorite thing about living in Alaska was that there are no snakes there. NONE! Four wonderful years of not having to think about snakes. Ever. Ah, that was wonderful.

A couple summers ago, while Sadie was quietly nestled on my chest in her Ergo while I hiked along the Colorado Trail with my family, I screamed so loudly that I made her cry as I ran down the trail after being surprised by a small black snake. I fear that there are times I am not as observant as I should be when doing certain types of field work for my job because I am so worried about seeing a snake. I've woken my husband up too many times to count because I'm screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night after another snake dream. I've embarrassed myself in front of countless people because my reaction to snakes seems over-the-top and completely irrational.

Needless to say, this phobia of mine has gotten much worse as I've gotten older, and it has certainly escalated to a point where I feel like it is inhibiting my life. I also worry about passing this phobia on to Sadie...definitely something I'd like to avoid.
So, I'm currently working with my therapist to address this phobia. We briefly worked on it about 6 months ago, but we've recently decided to revisit the therapy. She is confident that this summer I will playing in the creek bed in Castlewood Canyon with Sadie.

I am by no means an expert on anxiety disorders or appropriate treatments for them (which is why I've reached out to a professional). But I thought it would be interesting to share some of this process here (and hopefully track my journey to a life free from this crippling fear).

My first step was to make a list of my top ten most-feared snake scenarios from most benign (1) to most debilitating (10). Here it is.
1. reading about a snake
2. thinking about a snake
3. seeing a live snake on TV
4. seeing a picture of a snake in a magazine
5. seeing a dead snake
6. seeing a snake in a cage
7. seeing a snake in the wild, from afar
8. seeing a snake in the wild, in close proximity
9. touching a snake
10. having a snake crawl on me

The next step was to spend some time writing the word snake over and over again. Seriously, that was actually an issue at first. But look how many times I've already said snake in this blog post! Progress!

I was also instructed to buy myself a rubber snake. I asked really nicely if she would take care of that task for me, but she insisted that I needed to do it myself. Of course I waited until the last second, and begrudgingly went to a great little toy store near my office. I finally asked where the toy snakes were and the salesperson pointed me in the right direction. I looked at this big display box of rubber snakes..and looked...and looked...and tried to talk myself into just picking one up and taking it to the counter. And I honestly couldn't do it. I finally just took the box to the counter and asked them to please put one in a bag for me. She looked at me rather strangely, but I explained what was going on, and she actually commended me for taking this step! The snake rode in the bed of my truck on the way home; I couldn't bring myself to welcome it into the cab at that point. My therapist LOVES my rubber snake (which she insisted I name...he's Herbert). He's blue. I actually started crying the first time she took him out of the bag. Really. I still haven't touched him and it's been almost a year. Really. Apparently that's happening next week. Not sure if I'm ready. I'm hoping she'll let me start with him just sitting on the couch next to me. That probably sounds crazy to most of you, that I can't even touch a fake, rubber snake. That's what I'm talking about people....irrational fear over here!

My therapist, who I truly respect and trust, is also a very big proponent of the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), or "tapping". EFT is a form of alternative psychotherapy that uses tapping on acupuncture points to reduce the anxiety that I feel in relation to snakes. EFT is supposed to release energy blockages that cause negative emotions by tapping on meridian points on the body. It is dismissed by many people as a being psuedoscientific, but there are also many proponents of the power of this technique for all types of anxiety disorders and stress management. And I'm really willing to try anything.

So, we're also using EFT during this process. We start out by discussing one of the scenarios I listed above, I assess my anxiety level, and rate it on a scale between 1 and 10. Because we've started at the beginning of the list, my anxiety level is usually between a 5 and 7 (just from talking about these scenarios, not actually experiencing them). After going through a series of tapping exercises on various points on my body, I reassess my anxiety level. In all cases, I've found that it seems to have decreased.

The idea is that within a relatively short period of time, my emotional reaction to snakes won't be something that I "hook" onto. I can see that this is the problem. I experience a moment of intense fear whenever I see or hear about a snake, but then it stays with me. If I see a snake on the side of the road, I'm sure that it has somehow gotten into the car and I can actually imagine that I feel it crawling on me for the rest of the day or longer. If I see a picture of a snake, I continue to replay that image in my mind for days, and experience the accompanying fear over and over again.

Apparently, there will also be an actual snake involved towards the end of this process (duh). My therapist's children are going to catch me a pencil snake once we're well into spring. I don't know what that is. I'd google it, but obviously, that's something I'd prefer not to see a picture of.

That's the reason I've put off dealing with this for so long...because I assumed (correctly) that any sort of snake therapy would inevitably involve a snake...which until now I've been unwilling to consider. But whether it's for Sadie's sake, or because I just want to get on with my life, I've really committed myself to addressing this phobia and sincerely hope that I can make some progress...I'm tired of snakes. It's either this, or move back to Alaska.

2011-03-30T15:47:00.003-06:00

From the folks at Pinterest: "Think of Pinterest as a virtual pinboard — a place where you can create collections of things you love and "follow" collections created by people with great taste. People use Pinterest to collect and share all sorts of things -- wedding inspiration, favorite T-shirts, DJ equipment. You name it, people are pinning it. We know you have great taste in something. Our mission is to make Pinterest the best place for you to share your taste with the world."

My new favorite way to waste time on the internet. It's a place for me to get lots of fun ideas and helps me organize my daydreams. I have several "pinboards" of inspiration including style (mostly clothes and shoes), craft ideas, food, and a general inspiration board which mostly consists of quotes I love. My favorite is my Dream Home pinboard....it's great to have a place to keep all the little snippets that I'd love to incorporate into my dream home.

If you join Pintrest, make sure and find me there at rachandlily

Best Night Ever!

2011-03-26T20:35:00.004-06:00

(photo by Lauren Zimmerman)

This may have been one of our best house concerts yet! We had a record breaking crowd at well over 50, and one of my very favorite Colorado bands in the house.

It is so exciting to see a band early in their career. I think big things are going to happen for Finders and Youngberg and I'm so impressed by the beautiful, heartfelt, meaningful, original, (sometimes funny) music they are making!

The crowd was truly on fire during this show. The applause after the first song sounded more like "last-song-of-the-night-encore" applause. I think everyone who was lucky enough to see Finders and Youngberg play that night was as blown away as I was.

Nights like this make me so deeply grateful for the opportunity to host house concerts and share this amazing music with family, friends, and other people who love music as much as Brian and I do. And of course I will always be in awe of the raw talent of musicians like the five folks in this band. Thank you Finders and Youngberg for sharing your music with us!

It was a night I will never forget. And you really can't beat not having to go anywhere after the show and being able to put on yoga pants for the pick in your living room.

They are so freakin' good...check these videos out.....

What I Eat

2011-03-08T21:42:00.006-07:00

I spend SO much time planning and preparing for what I'm going to eat, and even more time thinking about what I have eaten, am eating, and will eat. It's exhausting sometimes.

I've come to terms with the fact that I am a woman who will always need to be VERY conscious about what I eat. This is a good thing in some ways. I believe that it's important to pay attention to what you're putting in your body and what you're feeding your family. I believe that spending time thinking about the source of your food and the practices under which it's produced are important. And I believe that one way in which I can show the universe that I'm thankful to have such an abundance of food in my life is to slow down, think about it, enjoy every bite, and not eat more than I need to sustain and fuel myself.I also know that I have a pretty serious sweet tooth, a love of cheese and cream and butter and cheeseburgers and chocolate, and I have a severe tendency to overeat if I let myself. A lot of the emotional and logistical energy expended by my brain is devoted to food. But I'm o.k. with that.

I was raised eating pretty healthy food (no sugar cereal or candy for this girl) and sat down to a delicious homemade dinner cooked by my mother every night (almost always at the dining room table, too). I'm eternally grateful for this healthy start. My mom gardened and went to the farmer's market, and I learned a lot from joining her during these activities. But food is also a big part of my family culture. When I vacation with my extended family, we start talking about what the plan is for the next meal, before we've even finished the prior meal! In my family, we LOVE to eat, we use it as a form of celebration and community, and we show how much we care about each other through the food we prepare.

My relationship with food, and the accompanying changes in my health and weight, ebbs and flows and will probably always be in a state of flux. I've learned to accept that there are times when I am "on" and times when I am definitely "off". Sometimes, it will be circumstantial ...like when I gained 20 pounds while studying for my P.G. exam (I swear those chocolate donuts and candy are what got me through all the endless hours looking at books and running calculations).
But for right now, my relationship with food is healthy and positive and empowering. I've talked before about how much I love the Weight Watchers program. I've been a member of Weight Watchers since November of 2007 and continue to believe that it is a wonderful nutritional program that steers me toward a healthy relationship with food. I know that WW used be like a lot of other wacky, fad, "diets" (these WW cards from the 1970s make me laugh SO hard every time I look through them, make sure to read the accompanying comments). These days, though, WW is a very scientifically sound nutritional program that follows guidelines that any doctor or nutritionist would tell you to adhere to. It consists of education about portion sizes and following the 8 Good Health Guidelines:
1. Eat at least five servings of vegetables and fruits each day.
2. Choose whole-grain foods, such as brown rice and oats, whenever possible.
3. Include two servings of milk products – low fat (1%) or fat-free – each day.
4. Have some healthy oil (olive oil, canola, sunflower, safflower or flaxseed) each day.
5. Ensure that you are getting enough protein by choosing at least a serving or two of meat, poultry, fish, eggs, or dried beans each day. Many dairy products are also good sources of protein.
6. Limit added sugar and alcohol.
7. Drink at least 6 8-ounce glasses of water a day.
8. Take a multiple vitamin-mineral supplement each day.
Through WW, I eat tons of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, some lean proteins and low-fat or fat-free dairy, and still have room for treats so I never feel deprived. I drink LOTS of water, and get a small amount of healthy oil in every day. I LOVE the Weight Watchers program and would recommend it to anyone!

I am currently about 10-13 pounds away from what I have set for myself as a goal and a weight I'd like to maintain for the rest of my life. This goal is within (and actually pretty close to the top) of the healthy weight and BMI range for my age and height. And boy are these last ~10 pounds tough to shed!

Brian and I are also involved in a couples weight loss challenge with three other couples. We're 7 weeks into the 12-week challenge, and at our mid-point weigh-in, we'd collectively lost 100 pounds!!! Brian and I have lost 30 pounds between the two of us, and are in a close second for the $300 reward! I am SO, SO proud of my husband for his 20+ pound weight loss....it's really exciting to be working towards better health together and he is definitely what is keeping me motivated some days.

So, back to the food. I think the reason so many people in this country are overweight or obese is in part because it takes a lot of work and time to prepare and eat healthy food. What a shame that we've made it more convenient (and sometimes cheaper) for people to be unhealthy! But it's always been worth it to me to invest the time, money, and effort that it takes to plan for and feed my family and myself wholesome food.

In addition to cooking healthy meals for my family, I'm also still struggling to find the balance as a full-time working mama...so making something easy and quick is just as important. I've gotten into a good routine with my meals throughout the day and I'm having a lot of fun trying some new recipes and playing with new flavors.

BREAKFAST

"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "what's the first thing you say to yourself?" "What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?" "I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet. Pooh nodded thoughtfully. "It's the same thing," he said." — A.A. Milne

Breakfast most mornings during a work week is a bowl of fruit (always a sliced banana, and a handful of berries such as strawberries, blueberries, or blackberries), a 1/4 cup of hemp granola from the bulk section of Sprouts, and a 1/4 cup of this delicious yogurt. I go for the full fat, cream-top yogurt...it's so creamy and delicious and fine in such a small portion. I also have a cup of earl grey tea with a bit of cream and sugar, and 12 oz water with 2 teaspoons of Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar. This breakfast sustains me for a few hours and gives me great energy to start off the day. I've been a loyal coffee drinker for over a decade, with the exception of during my pregnancy. But since my cleanse I haven't started completely back to drinking coffee every morning...I save it for the weekends and for a special treat for myself on Fridays sometimes. I find that I don't experience the "crash" mid-afternoon that I used to when I had coffee every morning, and I love that!

On the weekends I usually make something more exciting like an egg with some veggies in a corn tortilla.

I'm also thinking that as I try to lose these last 10 pounds I may re-incorporate green smoothies into my morning routine.

I always have a banana around 9:30/10:00 a.m. and drink most of the water in my water bottle.

LUNCH
"Want to have a short phone call with someone? Call them at 11:55 a.m., right before lunch. They'll talk fast. You may think you are interesting, but you are not more interesting than lunch." — Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture)

Lunch is almost always leftovers from dinner the night before or leftover soup from Sunday Soup (see below). I also have a sliced apple, and more water.

By about 2:30/3:00 I'm ready for another snack, which usually consists of a sliced pear, a cup of Caffeine Free Original Good Earth Tea, and sometimes popcorn (94% fat free Jollytime). I'd like to start popping my own popcorn and avoid all the preservatives that are surely in the store-bought low-calorie popcorn. Need to look into this....

DINNER
"These are hard times. The world hurts. We live in fear and forget to walk with hope. But hope has not forgotten you. So ask it to dinner. It's probably hungry and would appreciate the invitation." — Libba Bray (Going Bovine)

Dinner is the most exciting meal of the day for me, because it's where I get to be the most creative in the kitchen. I LOVE cooking dinner. I love planning a week's worth of dinners, shopping for the best and most affordable ingredients, and seeing how far I can stretch my grocery budget. The feeling of satisfaction I get from sitting down to a freshly prepared meal with my family every night is one of the best moments of my day.

On Sundays, after what is usually a busy weekend (they all are, for us...), I like to make a big pot of soup, "Sunday Soup". I have this book and this book which are chock full of great soup recipes. A favorite is a very easy minestrone that uses tomato juice as a base and is loaded with good veggies and whole wheat pasta. I've been making this roasted tomato soup with rosemary for years and never get tired of it. I'm quite proud of my matzoh ball soup (I use the Manichewitz mix, but also my own chicken stock and chicken and load it with veggies. My matzoh balls are floaters...as they should be). Our new favorite soup is this Avgolomeno from Time for Dinner, (my new favorite cookbook). I received this beautiful soup crock for Christmas from my in-laws and it makes Sunday Soup so pretty!On Tuesday nights, my mom brings dinner for us and it's the BEST THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!! She started doing this for me when I first went back to work after having Sadie, and since she's at our house watching Sadie on Tuesdays, it works out pretty well. Tuesday nights are when I go to my Weight Watchers meeting, so it's also nice because I get home later on those nights and Brian just has to throw my mom's food in the oven. Just having dinner taken care of this one night a week is such a luxury. I will never be able to adequately thank my mother for this thoughtful gesture but I hope she knows how very much we appreciate her for this! Not to mention that my mom is the best cook I know....

On Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights I cook dinner, or Brian and I collaborate on dinner. A lot of nights, I'll get things started and then he'll finish up because I'm busy playing with Sadie. Brian also does the dishes almost every single night, which gives me more time with Sadie before her bedtime. Some of my favorite go-to weeknight recipes are this healthy jambalaya, fritattas (eggs with whatever veggies are around and sometimes potatoes), roasted or grilled veggies with brown rice or whole wheat pasta (I have this grill wok which I love) portabella mushroom fajitas, roast chicken, homemade spaghetti sauce, breakfast for dinner (eggs, corn tortillas, green chiles, avocado, cilantro and oven baked homfries), and sausage and peppers over polenta. Recently we tried a couple meals we really like including bacon/avocado/tomato sandwiches, and a mexican-style brown rice casserole (with homemade refried beans, corn, spinach and green chiles). I love the beans and toast recipe from Time for Dinner for a quick 5-minute dinner. Special dinners for Friday and Saturday nights include meatloaf and potatoes, and homemade pizza. We also have a lot of great restaurants in Castle Rock that we like to save for special occasions.

Other notes about dinner...

My mom buys a bushel or more of fresh roasted green chiles for us from a Hispanic part of Denver every fall. The freezer is full of small baggies of these chiles and we go through about a bag a week. We add them to everything!
We also are lucky enough to purchase (or have gifted) an 1/8th of an organic, grass-fed, free-range, local cow every fall. The meat is VERY lean and preservative free and I feel great using this as our main source of meat. We probably use a pound or two of ground beef a week but also eat vegetarian meals several nights a week.
We all have a glass of skim milk with dinner (including Sadie).
Dinner with a toddler is not peaceful, slow, or productive most nights in our house. It can sometimes be a very frustrating part of the day for the whole family. Sadie doesn't usually eat a lot at dinnertime, which we really don't worry about too much. We figure, if she's hungry, she'll eat. But she doesn't want US to eat, either, which is not o.k. I think we've finally taught her that she needs to wait until Mama is done eating before she can insist that I get up and play with her. She still wants to spend most of dinnertime climbing on the dining room table, the kitchen island, or the backs of the chairs...all unsafe activities at this point. We're continuing to try to find creative ways to to make it through the dinner hour with our sense of humor intact, possibly while having at least a minute or two of adult conversation, without all ending up screaming at each other or crying, without breaking any limbs, and without having to wolf our food down in seconds flat in order to avoid disaster. I'll keep you posted on our progress.....

Sadie's Second Birthday

2011-02-28T20:24:00.001-07:00

We had such a great week celebrating Sadie's second birthday! I took the day off on her actual birthday and after a nice breakfast at home, we headed to the Denver Children's Museum...one of my very favorite places for kiddos in the whole city. We got there early, and actually had the place to ourselves for about 20 minutes before it became a complete nuthouse.

Sadie loved playing in the little wooden cottage, and planting wooden vegetables in the play garden. Then we headed upstairs to the train room, the art studio, the bubble laboratory, and the treehouse area. When we were all thoroughly played-out, we headed outside for a picnic in the sun. After Sadie played on the playground a bit, we went for a nice walk along the Platte River.

We figured Sadie had had enough fun for one day, and it was time to torture her with shots at the doctor's office. Sadie is about average height and skinny for her age. Just where she's always been.

Sadie went home and took a VERY long nap after an exhausting, exciting day. She woke up to the pizzas she'd been asking for all week...her special request for her birthday dinner. Brian made the crust, and I assembled our buffalo mozzarella and basil pizza with homemade marinara sauce. YUM!!
Dessert were these decadent cupcakes from Gigi's Cupcakes. Sadie was in chocolate/strawberry heaven. The rest of Sadie's birthday weekend was spent at the Midwinter bluegrass festival with lots of our pickin' buddies and friendly faces.

This past weekend, we hosted a mellow, family birthday party at our house to celebrate Sadie. Everyone came over in the afternoon and Brian made a big pot of his delicious chili. Sadie thoroughly enjoyed her chocolate birthday cake and blew out the candles all by herself! She received so many wonderful, thoughtful birthday gifts and loved playing with her friends Camryn and Carter. (ps...check out my birthday banner...I've been wanting to make one of these for years!).

Tim For Dinner

2011-02-23T14:28:00.001-07:00

This is my new favorite cookbook

and Dinner A Love Story is a great blog by one of its authors.

This book has so many great, cheap, and most importantly, QUICK and EASY recipes. I've been making one or two every week since I bought the book and it has helped my in my neverending quest to simplify dinner preparation. I really want to prepare a homemade, healthy dinner every night we're home, but I also want to spend quality time with Sadie when I walk in the door after work each day. These recipes allow me to do both! Hallelujah!

In honor of Sadie's second birthday....

2011-02-22T11:09:00.008-07:00

These are things that Sadie loves and words that describe her.

(Make your own Wordle.)

2011-02-21T09:25:00.004-07:00

The U.S. House of Representatives has just voted to bar Planned Parenthood health centers from all federal funding for birth control, cancer screenings, HIV testing, and other lifesaving care.

It is the most dangerous legislative assault in our history, and it cannot go unanswered. Planned Parenthood and the three million women, men, and teens who are at risk of losing access to basic care — need you to stand united now.

Sign the open letter to every single representative in the House who voted for this cruel, unconscionable, unthinkable law, and to every senator who still has a chance to stop it.

Please join me in standing with Planned Parenthood by reading and then signing this letter.

....making music the world needs

2011-02-17T07:50:00.011-07:00

Tim O'Brien said that about the musicians who played our last house concert. I couldn't agree more!

On January 29, we packed more people than we ever have (~50!) into our home for a house concert with Cahalen Morrison and Eli West. We saw these two perform together last spring at the Soiled Dove in Denver, as openers for Darrell Scott.

We were impressed by them then, and SO excited when I received an email from Cahalen that he had heard about our house concert series and was interested in playing.

It makes us very proud that the word is starting to spread about our concert series among the acoustic music community. We're thankful to our music friends, and to the musicians who we've already hosted, for telling others about us.

I got chills as Cahalen and Eli started playing, and could tell that every person in the house was riveted. Their instrumentation is so intricate and perfectly synchronized with each other. Their vocal harmonies are perfect and haunting. And Cahalen's songwriting feels like it's from another time. It's vivid and inspiring and makes you yearn for a simpler lifestyle.

I could have listened to these two all night. And I have absolutely listened to their album, The Holy Coming of the Storm, every single day since the show. Cahalen and Eli have only been playing together for about a year, and I'm so excited to see what lies down the road for these two.

Here are some of my favorites from the night. You can see all of them on our youtube channel here.

Working Mama Blues...and A Change in Perspective

2011-01-29T09:45:00.006-07:00

When I started writing this post the title accurately described how I was feeling. I definitely had the working mama blues. Although those blues certainly aren't gone (and I'm sure they'll return again and again for the rest of my working days), I've had some serious changes in perspective in the past month or so....

As soon as I got pregnant, I found myself reaching out for resources that supported the parenting style I've always felt inclined towards. I was so excited to find an online community of natural mamas whose mothering really inspired me. I wanted to (and really still do) be just like these mamas who were able to sew and knit the entirety of their children's wardrobes, garden, make homemade toys and books, create magical fairy gardens in the backyard, take daily nature walks, bake all their family's bread, etc.... For some reason it took me a really long time to realize that this is possible for these women because THEY DON'T WORK FULLTIME OUTSIDE THE HOME!! Duh! Why this took me so long to realize is beyond me.

I'm also continually inspired by many of my closest girlfriends, who spend lots of time with their children embarking on educational, exciting, creative adventures throughout the week. And their homes are always immaculate and spotless (something I also strive for). But guess what! These mothers also DON'T WORK FULLTIME OUTSIDE THE HOME! Again duh.

I've been trying to live up to these ideals of the women I admire (in real life and on the internet) without taking into account what is actually possible for my own circumstances.

And then I started whining about "having" to work. I told myself and others that I need to just suck it up, because "it's not really a choice for us financially". And although I enjoy my career, I continued to talk about it in these terms to myself and to everyone else. I talked about how I'm not sure I would thrive as a fulltime stay-at-home mama, but internally, I wished I had the option to devote myself fully to raising my child.

Well, I finally decided that if I'm reaching out to stay-at-home mothering resources...why on earth am I not reaching out to working mother resources? Surely there are mothers out there who are so-called "attachment" parents, who breastfeed their babies past their maternity leave, who cook and bake and create and craft, who make informed consumer decisions for their families....and still have careers outside their homes.

And there are certainly some resources out there that have helped me as I try to realign my perspective. blue milk is a great blog written by a feminist, working mother. There's a vibrant student and working mamas forum on Mothering magazine's website which has been a great community for me to reach out to on my toughest days.

I'm also reminding myself to talk to the women in my own family...namely my own mother, my mother-in-law, and my aunts Cathy and Barbara about their experiences as working mothers. These women have all had very successful, fulfilling careers while raising happy, healthy, well-adjusted, successful children. I'm looking forward to talking to each of them more as time goes on. (Why am I taking so much inspiration from strangers on the internet and not using the resources in my life I trust the most?)

I recently read a great book called The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? by Leslie Bennetts. (well, actually, I listened to the audio book....a new working mama trick so I can use my commute to its full advantage!)

It might seem a bit extreme to say this, but I actually think this book changed my life. Bennetts talks a lot (and maybe was a bit repetitive on this point) about the financial vulnerability of stay-at-home mothers in the event of death, divorce or illness. When a woman leaves her career to raise her children full-time, she's putting her entire financial security in the hands of another person, which may end up being a bad decision for herself and her children if something unforseen or tragic happens to her spouse or if the marriage goes downhill. She also talks about the difficulty many women have getting back into the workforce when they have removed themselves from it for several years while they raised their young children (she gives the statistic that women lose 37 percent of their earning power when they spend three or more years out of the workplace.) These arguments were well laid out and resonated with me.

But the part of this book that was so important for me was when Bennetts discussed the benefits to women when they maintain a successful, thriving career even while raising children. Through impressive research and interviews with experts and with real women, she explains how working women tend to have more successful and happy marriages, and how these women are more fulfilled personally throughout their lives. After their children leave home, working women still have their work to focus on and satisfy them. Working mothers are empowered knowing that they are able to support themselves and their children if life doesn't go the way they planned.

She also is very realistic about the fact that it's not easy or pretty being a fulltime working mother. She reminds women that "...the absorbing, exhausting, exhilarating years of tending to small children actually make up a relatively small portion of your adult life" and encourages working mothers to look at it as a marathon.....the first 15 years of your children's life will be tough if you are working outside the home. It will be frantic and stressful and messy. But Bennetts reminds us that it will be worth it!

So, here are some thoughts for now which are inspiring me. As I take on more responsibility at the company I work for, these ideas are going to be so important for me to keep in mind......

This IS a choice I'm making, and I should be proud of it.
Ever since Sadie was born, my expectations for myself have been unrealistically high....I want to be 100% best mother, homemaker, wife, neighbor, friend, and employee at ALL times. I can't be the best at everything at all times. There will be times when one thing has to give in order for me to make the other a priority for the moment.
I'm so thankful that I had two years to be primary caregiver to my daughter and have had the luxury of waiting until she's nearly 2 years old before working 40 hours a week (without having to leave the workforce completely).
I am thankful to work for the company I do. I do not work 60+ hours a week. I am home to spend time with my daughter every day after work. That's more than a lot of working mothers have.
I want to continually remind myself to look at the long view
It would be infinitely more difficult to be a working mother without a supportive husband who is willing to share domestic duties equally. That's also more than a lot of working mothers have.
I'm learning to be o.k. with the fact that this is really hard for me. I recognize and am trying to embrace that there will be times when I am about to lose my mind and I turn into a complete and total crazy lady (not sure how o.k. with this my husband is, though.....) I need to just find the strength to weather the storm during those times.
Although I will always identify myself as a mother, my identity cannot be 100% defined by being a mother.
It takes a village to raise a child! And what a village we have. I'm so thankful that Sadie is surrounded by love every moment that she's away from me.
I WILL stop looking at work as an obligation and expressing it that way to others. My work is a choice with immense rewards and benefits to my family.
My work is exciting, challenging, and empowering. That makes me a better role model and friend to my daughter in the long run.

Oh. And I've hired a house cleaner.

Tea Time

2011-01-17T23:06:00.001-07:00

One last holiday activity post to wrap up, and one of my favorite special occasions of the season. My mom, my brother's fiancee Mari, and I headed downtown a few days before Christmas to the Brown Palace Hotel for afternoon tea.

The Brown Palace is definitely a Denver institution. Here are some fascinating facts found on their website.

On Aug. 12, 1892 the Brown Palace Hotel opened its doors in the heart of downtown Denver. The hotel has remained open and welcomed guests every minute of every day, since opening.
Every U.S. president has visited The Brown Palace since Teddy Roosevelt (1905), with the exception of Calvin Coolidge.
The Brown Palace contains 12,400 surface feet of onyx, a semiprecious variety of quartz, which was the most ever used in a single building at the time the hotel was constructed.
The hotel's original artesian well is located 720 feet deep beneath the lobby floor and still provides water to every faucet in the hotel.
Four of the hotel's suites are named for their famous residents: The Beatles Suite, Eisenhower Suite, Reagan Suite, and Teddy Roosevelt Suite.
Before the Beatles' visit in 1964, the hotel saw a great surge in applications for housekeepers by young girls. After the Beatles' stay, monetary offers were made for the dishes from which they ate and the sheets on which they slept.
In 1937, the hotel opened the Skyline Apartments which housed permanent residents in suites with kitchens on the top two floors of the hotel. The last of these residents moved out in the mid-1980s.
The Brown Palace Club, located on the second floor, served as campaign headquarters for Dwight D. Eisenhower prior to his election as president.
Two of the cast iron grillwork panels on the railing surrounding the hotel's eight-story atrium are upside down.
Soldiers of the 10th Mountain Division tried rappelling from the balconies during a visit to the hotel during World War II.
Except for crackers and sandwich bread, the hotel prepares all of its own baked goods in a unique, carousel oven - catalogued at more than 50 years old. The oven is one of only three in the world known to be in existence and is still used every day.
President Eisenhower hit a wayward golf ball while practicing in the room and made a dent in the fireplace mantel in the Eisenhower Suite. It remains today as a souvenir.

The hotel is decorated so beautifully and ornately for the holidays each year, and was such a beautiful spot to spend the afternoon with two of my favorite ladies.

The tea service was truly luxurious. After starting off with a kir royale, we each chose our own type of tea from a very extensive menu.

The tea is served in individual silver tea pots, and drunk from beautiful china.

Despite the loveliness of the beverages, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that my very favorite part was the food. Fresh scones served with Devonshire cream and preserves, savory tea sandwiches, a decadent selection of classic and chocolate tea pastries, and a signature Brown Palace truffle. YUM!

It was so fun to see all the little girls who were dressed up in their finest for the occasion and joining their mothers or grandmothers for a special afternoon. We can't wait to bring Sadie along for what we hope to make an annual holiday tradition!

Intentions 2011

2011-01-07T21:22:00.003-07:00

bake bread
breathe deeply
smile more
let go
lose weight in order to feel good and have more energy
find some more balance
get outdoors more often with my family
continue to work on my snake phobia (in order to accomplish the item directly above)
practice my mandolin and my fiddle and my harmonica
don't make a big fuss over small things
quit trying to be like everyone else, do what makes sense for me and for my life
slow the hell down
take the love languages quiz (and ask my husband to do the same)
start being more consistent with my strong-willed toddler
sit back quietly and observe more often
tell my friends how much I love them
do something with my compost pile (worms?)
do not, under any circumstances, take on any more time consuming hobbies
fly a kite
meditate
think of my daughter as an equal
be more effective, efficient, focused, and patient at work
love myself and all my faults

Handmade Holiday

2011-01-04T22:08:00.000-07:00

Way back in October, I made a pact with myself that I would make as many of our holiday gifts as possible. I wanted to save some money, but mostly, as a crafter, I feel that something I put thought, time, and energy into is so much more meaningful that something I can pick up at the mall. Sometimes an effort like this can be really stressful, but because I started planning for it several months in advance, this didn't add to any holiday stress for me. If anything, it was calming to spend more hours during the season behind the sewing machine or knitting needles.

First up...Sadie needed a new winter hat. So I finally finished the Duchess Cabled Hat. Ravelry details here.
For a holiday party hostess gift, I made this fun "Question Jar".

For my out-of-town girlfriends, wall organizers!

And for my sisters-in-law, Mari and Suzie, aprons...

And my crowning glory (that means it was the most difficult...) for the season was a table runner that I made for my mom.

Thank you to all the crafters out there for the inspiration, patterns, and tutorials. For a beginning sewer, it was certainly a comedy of errors. I'm sure anyone who knows anything about sewing would be utterly horrified watching me over the past couple months. I'm truly figuring this out as I go. But I'm having so much fun, and I'm so proud of the results!

Three Weeks of Christmas

2010-12-27T21:08:00.003-07:00

What a joyful Christmas season we've had. I'm so thankful that we were able to spend quality time with each and every member of our immediate family, as well as some extended family that we hadn't seen in a long time. All these celebrations meant that we started our Christmasing early in December.

We joined the Petersons and Jeff and Susie for Christmas #1 in Colorado Springs the weekend of December 11-13. It was also a great chance to celebrate Doug's birthday. The weekend was full of kisses, giggles, tickles, a new word in Spanish (Tia!), meatballs, Sadie's very own sling for her baby, movies, chatting, knitting, reading, naps, and a delicious homecooked Christmas dinner!
The most lovely gift of all was a very special, handmade wooden rocking chair that Doug and Chris gave to Sadie (Doug made it himself!).

What a treasure this chair is....it's so sturdy and just perfect for our rowdy little girl. I can picture Sadie's great-grandchildren using this chair!

The following weekend, we were so excited to pack up the truck and head for the hills for Christmas #2 with my family. We settled in at their house, which for me means a pile of books and a basket of knitting in front of the woodstove. I was most thankful for the following things: my lovely, crazy family of course!;. the aforementioned woodstove; being out of the suburbs and a little closer to nature for the weekend; a house full of very rambunctious dogs; a beautiful Christmas tree; card games; Dad's annual reading of Dylan Thomas' A Child's Christmas in Wales; mom's homemade cooking; late night pickin' with Brian and my dad; and some solitary mama time in the hottub with a good book. I love that my family makes our Christmas day traditions last as long as possible...stockings, crepes, open a few presents, break for bagels and lox (we have to put our Jewish twist on the day), open some more presents, take the dogs for a walk, model a new piece of clothing, open a few more, etc... you get the idea.

After all this excitement, we decided we would set aside a special winter night for our very own celebration with the just three of us at home. We had some special things for Sadie and for each other and were really looking forward to carving out some time for our own traditions.

On the winter solstice, I picked up Chinese takeout on my way home from work. After a great takeout picnic in the living room (a special treat for us), we enjoyed some gift giving and receiving.

A word on the tree...we almost skipped having a tree all together this year. We were gone for so much of the month that we couldn't justify getting a real tree (our preference) that would probably just die while we were out of town. My friend Heather came to the rescue by lending us a small, but very lovely, artificial tree. We covered it with cloth, indestructible, toddler-safe ornaments and we were instantly in the Christmas spirit!

The most exciting gift of the season was a Radio Flyer tricycle that we bought for Sadie. And we topped it all off with a custom-made bumper sticker..."Earl Scruggs for President". The sticker pays homage to my childhood bigwheel which my hippie parents adorned with a "Willie Nelson for President" bumper sticker. Awesome!

What a lucky girl Sadie has been this year, and we're so thankful for our generous friends and family who obviously put a lot of thought into her gifts (and respected our wishes too!). Last gift of the season came from her dear buddies "Aunt" Amanda and "Uncle" Ryan....her very own ukelele!

But we weren't done yet! A couple days before Christmas, we piled into the car with Doug and Chris, and headed to Holdrege, Nebraska to celebrate with the extended Peterson family. What a wonderful treat it was to finally introduce Sadie to some aunts, uncles, and cousins that she had never met!

And although she was rather shy for most of the weekend, she did warm up to her great-grandpa Peterson a bit. It was so special to see him with his first and only great-grandchild.

It was actually really nice that the majority of the gift-giving for the season had already taken place on previous weekends. It meant that Christmas weekend was really just about the things that matter most to me, and to us. ....spending time with loved ones, visiting, remembering, telling stories, enjoying Sadie's every move, eating delicious homemade food, games, rest, quiet times of reflection, a beautiful candlelight church service, singing and reading, knitting, and lots and lots of laughter.

It is at these times that I love to take a step back and reflect on how thankful I am for the family I am lucky enough to have married into. The Petersons are so welcoming, supportive, and loving, and I am so grateful for them.

Hope your season was as lovely as ours has been and Happy New Year!

Hot Water Heaven

2010-12-20T21:27:00.002-07:00

Hands down one of my top three favorite weekends of the year. Good food, good drink, beautiful scenery, and wonderful women! What an inspiring, empowering, magical weekend it was.

This year, our second annual, absolutely sealed the deal that these ladies and I will be visiting the Alpine Hotsprings Hideaway every year for the rest of our lives. Yes...we will be like these snow monkeys...80-year old, gray-haired women soaking up the magic this place has to offer. Ahhhh......

Thanksgiving 2010

2010-12-12T21:05:00.012-07:00

It's my favorite holiday of the year. I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting into the beautiful Florida weather. It's not too hot, not cold at all, not humid...pretty much just perfect, and a nice change of pace from the dreariness of early winter in Colorado.

It was a relaxing, exhausting, peaceful, chaotic, and fun-filled week.

We played at the beach....

We gave and received LOTS of kisses....

We went for leisurely walks full of all sorts of new things to look at for a certain toddler....

We missed my Grandma and Grandpa but gave thanks that we're all still able to get together for their favorite holiday....

We went to the zoo....

We shared costumes....

We rejoiced in the change in our family dynamic over the last couple years (although it feels like it happened overnight). We've gone from a bunch of adults and young adults sitting around together to a family full of kids under 5, and it is such a joy to watch this new generation!

And we soaked up the wonder and beauty of our newest, beautiful family member, Chloe Noel Armstrong.....

Welcome to the world baby Chloe...we're so happy you're here! You'll fit right in with this crazy, loving, happy, energy-filled family!

My very favorite part of the trip was watching Sadie slowly gather the courage to investigate and eventually chase the waves. Check this out....

And Now I Celebrate

2010-12-07T10:33:00.009-07:00

Because I passed the ASBOG National Geology Examination!

As I talked about in this post, I really studied my ass off for this test. I honestly have never worked so hard for anything (mentally). Sure, I had some hard classes in college, but nothing in my academic or professional life has ever challenged me the way preparing for and taking this test did.

We arrived home from our Thanksgiving trip to Florida to a big pile of mail. As I sifted through it, it didn't even occur to me to wonder if my results might have arrived while we were gone. And then I came across a relatively thick envelope from the Wyoming Board of Professional Geologists. I screamed! Then had a conversation with Brian that went something like this....

you open it
no, let me open it
no, I can't do it, you do it
go ahead and get the dog from across the street and then we'll open it
no, I can't wait that long, let's open it....

Needless to say, I finally opened the envelope and found that I had in fact passed both halves of the exam and I can now officially be considered a Professional Geologist (and I get to put letters (P.G.) after my name, yeah!)

Pinch Me....

2010-12-02T11:52:00.000-07:00

It literally was the thrill of a lifetime to have Pete and Joan Wernick finish off our fall 2010 house concert series. As I told Pete, I've been listening to him play banjo since I was born. Really! And Brian (of course), looks up to him as one of the best (I'm not exaggerating here) banjo players in the world!

Pete Wernick is a true bluegrass legend. As one of the founding members of Hot Rize, he has been nominated for a Grammy, won several International Bluegrass Music Association (IBMA) awards, and graced theater and festival stages around the world. This fall, Pete Wernick was honored with the IBMA Distinguished Achievement Award, which "recognizes individuals in the bluegrass music industry who have fostered the music's image with developments that will broaden the genre's recognition and accessibility." And the guy has played on the David Letterman show! Yeah!

On top of all his accolades, Pete Wernick and his wife Joan are such kind and gracious people. It was so nice to be able to visit with them before the show and get to know them a little better. They have always been so supportive of me and it was such a pleasure to welcome them into our home and introduce them to our musical friends!

Thank you Pete and Joan for the beautiful night of music and for sharing your amazing talents with us!

Happy Chanukah!

2010-12-02T09:24:00.001-07:00

I've come to love this holiday and its traditions since moving out on my own after high school. I started by joining the "Frozen Chosen" in Fairbanks, Alaska for my first Chanukah away from home. I hosted a raucous Chanukah party in my tiny Washington Park bungalow during my first holiday season with my future husband (and made him grate ALL the potatoes for latkes). I felt very special upon receiving my very own beautiful menorah from my Great Aunt Sylvia when I got married and bought my first house (to replace the sad gold-painted plastic one that was a hand-me-down from my mother's third grade classroom). And I truly enjoyed lighting the Chanukah candles with Sadie last year. But this year should be extra special because it's sure to be the first when Sadie will be aware of the colorful candles and magical flames each night. Hey, she may even join me in song!

some thoughts on Chanukah (from others)....

May the lights of Hanukkah usher in a better world for all humankind. ~Author Unknown

To me every hour of the light and dark is a miracle, every cubic inch of space is a miracle.
~Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Christmas brings enormous electric bills. Candles are used for Hanukkah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the energy crisis. ~KOACH Humor, "Holiday Distinctions Finally Explained" (KOACH College Outreach is a project of The United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism)

May love and light fill your home and heart at Hanukkah. ~Author Unknown

The darkness of the whole world cannot swallow the glowing of a candle. ~Robert Altinger

And finally, here's a little Chaukah deliciousness from Matisyahu. Gotta love him....